avatarAngelica Mendez

Summary

The article outlines three key indicators that suggest a relationship is likely to succeed: open communication about values and future goals, a willingness to work on personal shortcomings, and the ability to apologize and make amends.

Abstract

The author reflects on their relationship experience, emphasizing the importance of honest and vulnerable conversations about each partner's values, future aspirations, and relationship expectations. The article highlights that a partner's readiness to engage in self-improvement and counseling is a strong sign of commitment to the relationship's growth. Additionally, the capacity for both partners to apologize, even when they believe they are not at fault, is presented as a crucial element for maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic. These three clues serve as a litmus test for the seriousness and potential longevity of a relationship.

Opinions

  • The author believes that communication about core values and future plans is essential for relationship compatibility and longevity.
  • Engaging in self-development and being open to counseling are seen as non-negotiable values that a partner should be willing to embrace for the relationship to progress.
  • Compromise is encouraged, but not on fundamental activities that contribute to the relationship's progress; for example, watching sports should not be a non-negotiable priority if it does not benefit the relationship.
  • The author suggests that a partner's unwillingness to participate in activities that improve the self and the relationship may indicate a lack of seriousness about the relationship's future.
  • Apologizing and making amends, even when one doesn't think they are wrong, is considered a sign of prioritizing the relationship and the partner's feelings over one's ego.
  • The article implies that a relationship's potential to advance to the next level can be assessed by the presence of these three factors: vulnerable communication, mutual self-improvement efforts, and the ability to apologize sincerely.

How Do You Know Your Relationship Will Work Out? — 3 Clues

A few tale-tale signs can help determine if your relationship is going somewhere.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year.

I have to be honest. I’ve had several panic moments where I wondered if the person I am with is someone I can marry and build a family with, and thought to myself, maybe not.

As my partner and I learn to navigate our differences and have crucial conversations about our values and wishes for the future, I’ve learned a few key elements a partner exhibits that can tell you if the relationship is for the long haul.

Here are three clues:

They are willing to have vulnerable conversations.

Communication is crucial. We know this, but the content of the conversation is just as important.

I know my values. I know what I believe in and have a clear picture of the lifestyle I would like to have.

Communicating this expectation is crucial! You cannot assume your partner will figure out what’s important to you. You have to have conversations about it.

Your partner should discuss with you their perspective consistently as well.

Having these vulnerable conversations with my partner helps clarify both sides' expectations for the future.

This lets me know I am not wasting my time or his.

If you and your partner are not discussing your goals for the future, the values you wish to build your life upon, and your expectations for the relationship, this is a possible sign that they may not take you seriously, and the relationship isn’t going anywhere.

They are willing to work on their shortcomings.

I’ve been seeing a counselor for the past three years. When I was twenty-three, I sought professional help because I wanted my life to change.

When I met my partner, he wasn’t doing anything like this.

In the first couple of months of our relationship, I made it clear how vital self-development and counseling are for me. If he wanted our relationship to progress, we would do it together.

This is a value in my life that I am unwilling to compromise.

I want to note that sometimes people take aspects of their lives and make them non-negotiables when compromises can be made.

For example, watching sports. I don’t believe it’s reasonable or necessary to make watching a sport a non-negotiable.

Here’s why:

Does this activity contribute to the relationship and its progress? If the answer is no, you can compromise on it.

If your current partner is arguing in favor of activities that don’t benefit your relationship, that’s another sign they may not be taking it seriously.

Why would watching a sport be a priority if they say they want to build a life and a family with you?

Back to my point —

After my boyfriend and I had a crucial conversation about my desire to pursue counseling as a couple, he agreed to give it a shot.

The improvements have been astronomical.

We’ve seen a lot of growth individually and in the relationship because we both committed to working on our shortcomings.

If your partner is unwilling to take on an activity that can help improve themselves and the relationship, this may be another sign they aren’t taking it seriously.

They are willing to apologize and make amends, even when they think they didn’t do anything wrong.

This has been a doozy for me.

I take great pride in knowing I am doing the right thing. Sometimes my partner doesn’t agree with me.

It’s been difficult for my partner and me to place our egos aside and apologize for hurting each other. But we’re learning and have made good progress.

Being in a relationship has taught me how my views may be hurtful to others.

I’ve learned that in relationships (not just romantic), there are moments when we should apologize, even when we don’t believe we did anything wrong.

Don’t we say we care more about hurting the person we love than being right?

Easier said than done, but it’s possible. It just takes work.

Are you and your partner humbling yourselves and apologizing to each other? If one of you, or neither of you, are doing it, maybe the relationship isn’t as serious as you thought.

If you want to take your relationship to the next level, look at these three factors and see if they are happening in your relationship. If not, maybe it’s time to reevaluate.

Having vulnerable conversations, working on your shortcomings, and apologizing even when you don’t think you did anything wrong are foundational aspects of a healthy relationship.

What lessons have you learned in your relationship that you found necessary to make things work?

What Is Love To You
Relationships
Dating
Personal Development
Self Improvement
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