Building Self-Advocacy Skills
Self-advocacy tips for neurodivergent youth and adults
Self-knowledge and self-awareness
We can’t advocate for what we need until we know what that is.
Sensory needs
Are you a sensory seeker or sensory avoider?
Hint: Probably both. Everyone has sensory stimuli they enjoy and others they dislike. Neurodivergent people tend to have more extreme sensory preferences and aversions compared to neurotypicals.
Examples of sensory seeking:
- I often twirl my hair, bite my fingernails, or pick at my skin.
- I love spicy, strong-flavoured food, I enjoy eating for the variety and taste.
- I am very touchy-feely. I’m a hugger, and I like to be close to people and like to cuddle with loved ones.
- I love listening to my music at extremely high volumes, I enjoy feeling the music through my body.
- I like to dance, flap, wiggle, fidget, and move.
- I enjoy rollercoasters, swings, mountain biking, trampolines, I’d probably even enjoy bungee-jumping or sky-diving.
- I need movement to help me stay focused.
Examples of sensory avoidance:
- I become irritable in loud, busy places. I prefer the quiet.
- Bright overhead lights are overwhelming and sometimes give me headaches.
- I am considered a picky eater and am very sensitive to certain food textures.
- I’m also sensitive to textures in other aspects, such as clothing.
- I need to be in the right mood to enjoy physical affection.
- I get dizzy easily and dislike swings and rollercoasters.
- I get car sick easily.
- I am extremely sensitive to hot and cold temperatures. I get cold or over-heated much more easily than other people.
*Please note, these are examples, not exhaustive lists. Most people have some senses which are more sensitive and others which are less so. Many are a combination of seeker and avoider, depending on the stimuli and circumstances.
Suggestions for sensory seekers:
- Use fidget and sensory tools — there are many available which are geared toward adults, some are subtle, and some are designed to blend in with office supplies, jewelry, and clothing.
- Take short, frequent breaks. Instead of working for 4 hours, then taking a half-hour break, take a 15-minute break every two hours.
- Pack or prepare yourself nutritions, but tasty food and drink you are more likely to actually ingest.
- Use headphones or ear buds to listen to music so you can enjoy the stimulation without disturbing others.
Suggestions for sensory avoiders:
- Use or request dimmable lights, or task-lighting, rather than harsh overhead lights.
- Use ear buds, ear plugs, headphones, or ear defenders to help reduce auditory stimulation when needed. You can also play soft, soothing music if you find this helpful.
- Do your best to always have some “safe” foods packed and available when you need them — foods whose textures do not bother you, and food which you will actually eat.
- Create or request a quiet area (in your home, school, or workplace) which is reserved for quiet activities only. A place anyone can go when they feel overstimulated.
Social needs
What communication style is most effective for you?
A lot of neurodivergent people prefer a more direct style of communication, where as (generally speaking), neurotypicals tend to use more subtle language, and rely more on subtext and nonverbal cues.
Some neurodivergents struggle with indirect communication and find it unclear or confusing.
Suggestions for direct communicators:
- Ask for directions to be specific and in written form, or write down the directions and follow-up to confirm you are on the same page.
- Request as much notice as possible be given for disruptions and changes in routine or expectations.
If misunderstandings happen:
- You can choose to disclose that you are neurodivergent, if you feel comfortable doing so.
- If not, you can simply describe your differences or needs without ascribing a label to them.
- For example, you can say, “I tend to have a very direct style of communication, so if ever I say something that is unclear, please seek clarification.”
- Or, “I feel anxious when plans change unexpectedly, would it be possible to be notified a bit earlier? — Perhaps we can use a shared inter-office calendar, to help keep people up to date on any scheduling changes?”
Executive functions
Executive functions (EFs) allow us to exert self-control, plan for the future in a thoughtful way, and adapt to changes in our environment. We use memories and lessons from these previous experiences to guide our present and future behaviour toward attaining long-term goals.
More simply, EFs generally fall into five categories:
- Organization & time management
- Working memory
- Mental flexibility
- Inhibition (impulse control)
- Emotional regulation
Executive functions are very complex, in fact, I’ve written several different articles about them for that very reason. I’ll touch on a couple here, with some suggestions for ways to self-advocate when encountering difficulties (links for more information about EFs can be found at the end of the article).
Time management
I remember working in a school environment as an inclusion specialist. I was supporting a student one-on-one, but was also responsible for covering my co-workers for their lunch breaks. If you haven’t worked in a school setting, it can be very rigid, and timing is often very precise.
Early on in this contract position, I was asked to be in a certain location by a specific time in order to relieve a co-worker for their break. We were outside, and of course, I lost all track of time. I received a call asking where I was and had to high-tail it up to the building in order to let my colleague go eat.
After that, I set a timer on my phone to give me a 5 or 10 minute warning whenever I needed to transition to a different role or location, which saved me a lot of stress.
I explained to my boss that I had issues with time blindness and explained my plan for managing this moving forward. Often when we struggle with something, people appreciate when we acknowledge it, then also come with our own suggestions, ideas, and solutions.
Working memory
Repeat after me: If it’s not written down, it doesn’t exist.
Those of us with working memory issues tend to over-estimate our ability to remember things. I speak from experience. Many times, I have assured myself or someone else I will definitely remember what they are telling me.
I will not.
Now if there is anything at all I need to remember, it must be recorded somehow, somewhere. I ask people to email me instead of call, I write all appointments and important dates in a planner, and I use electronic reminders on my phone and laptop.
If it’s not written down, it doesn’t exist.
Know thyself
Be honest with yourself. Take note of what works and what doesn’t. The better you know your own strengths and weaknesses, the better you can accommodate yourself and advocate for yourself when needed.
If you have difficulty speaking up for yourself, you might ask a trusted person to help you practice. You can talk it through, role-play, or they can help you develop a script of what you want to say.
People will appreciate when you approach the situation with some personal responsibility and a willingness to compromise.
It’s one thing to inform someone about our needs and expect them to know how to meet them, it’s quite another to describe a difficulty, then outline what usually works for us to mitigate it.
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
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References
Kotowicz, Annie. (2022). What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic: Unpuzzling life on the Autism spectrum. Neurobeautiful.
Whelton, Evaleen. (2021). Standing Up for Myself: An empowering book for Neurodivergent kids and teens about boundaries, sensitivity, personal space, consent, power play and self advocacy. Golden Ripple Publishing.
