Medium
Best Stories of Robert Locke
In response to Dr. Mehmet Yildiz and the ILLUMINATION writers’ prompt
When I started writing on Medium, it was like being initiated into a new cult. Not that I have ever gone that far in real life! But being a Medium writer was and still is a weird experience. I had to grasp several almost spiritual transformations:-
- The rapturous joy on being curated — the end times are near!
- Learning to cope with claps and resist the desire for revenge
- Grasping the fact that there are a mere 15,000 publications on Medium and accepting that the writing skies are overcrowded.
- Accepting the existence of 14,999 other writers just like myself and learning how to love them.
- Reading the gospel from those very few writers who have found the Holy Grail and earn a lot more than the rest of us.
- Putting into practice the first Medium commandment, “Thou shalt write one story a day.” The tenth commandment is “Thou shalt not give up nor leave the Medium platform.”
This smacks of apostasy.
At a certain point, I decided that I would never, ever again read another story by a Medium guru who bragged about their success. I mean financial success but of course, this was very closely linked to overall fame as a very talented writer.
Very often, this “talent” failed to shine through.
Sounds like real life and on Medium, the really talented writers were never getting a look in. Secondly, there were a few “Medium” publications which were the favored ones and no one knew who or how or why they were favored and what sort of lobbying they had carried out.
A complete lack of transparency or consultation with their main audience, the writers, tempted me to break the tenth commandment. But I didn’t because I was hooked. Here is one about my Medium addiction.
But I then decided to continue writing funny stuff on Medium, knowing these stories would never be curated but what the hell? In any case, I was a top writer in Satire and Humor so I might as well make fun of Medium and that is exactly what I did.
People seemed to enjoy them and they became my most successful stories on Medium.
That is uncanny because I had more success laughing along with writers about the platform than actually being successful writing about real life. It’s a weird and wonderful world.
So here are the top stories I wrote about my Medium addiction which seems to be reaching pandemic proportions. I like to exaggerate a little. Grant me that little dose of dopamine and clap appropriately. This story is all about what not to do to be a Medium star.
The subject of curation seems to keep many writers awake at night. I decided to become a curator myself and had to come out to my Medium family ( Dad has a publication and Mom is a writer!)
Then the subject of financial reward seems to have many writers waking up far too early. I decided to let Amazon take over and offer Medium writers a better deal. This story appealed to many writers as well and I, like them, dream on.
Then the claps system started to irritate me like a pesky rash on my skin. I just had to write about that and I also had to spend some of my hard-earned Medium pocket money on getting help from my psychotherapist.
I then wanted to show how Medium can seem like a great way to become rich and famous. This was the result.
I then started fantasizing about how to secretly get in touch with a curator. Luckily, I found a Medium curation angel and we fell in love. Now I feel that there is someone who is really reading my stories and giving them the credit they deserve.
I also experienced a certain desire for revenge in that Medium editors were rejecting my stories or not even bothering to reply in a timely manner. This is the darkest of stories and perhaps represents the lowest point in my Medium writing career.
On reflection, I think Medium writers liked these stories as they resonated with them.
I broke my own promise in never writing about Medium. When I did, I had more success than ever! Maybe there is a life lesson there for us all.
Just to change the subject- If you need more laughs check out my new book The Brits Are Bonkers
