Are You A Medium Addict? — There Is No Cure
Join the club of Medium addicts. Just like me, you can’t get off Medium. I have had six doses today and I am on a bit of a high! This is why I am writing this post. I am brimming with ideas.
My story:-
You know, it all started after the death of my pet rabbit Mad Med. After the cremation, I was a wreck. Just totally destroyed. Somebody recommended a light dose of Medium and I started writing.
At first, it seemed to work. I got a total of 5 views with 2 reads and I earned 5 cents in two months. I kept on writing because in the following three months I earned 90 cents. I thought this was the drug I needed to get over Mad Med’s death.
I needed more and more Medium and I wrote hundreds of articles. The subjects included:-
Pet funerals (51 stories — working on the 52nd)
Videos about video games (98 stories)
Drones (74 stories)
Kitchen scissors– different models and pricing (27 stories)
Motivation for yardwork (112 stories) — a record for me!
Depression (45 stories)
Narcissism (you know, all about ME — 56 stories)
Here are some of the symptoms you suffer from when you are a Medium addict.
As you know, it is not all roses and rainbows.
Curation fever
This comes in sickening waves. This morning I had a very high temperature because I was convinced I was in curation jail. There were other symptoms as well such as “not distributed in topics” which is like feeling all shaky and a funny tummy. I mean funny peculiar of course. There is nothing to laugh about when you have this fever. It gradually wore off though when I got 1 clap from a fellow author. How mean can you get?
That was like a slap, not a clap!
Seizures
I had a very bad seizure last week when a publication rejected my story. They actually wrote to me:-
“This one is just missing that personal, first-hand experience element we so often look for here.”
I was absolutely dejected because that was one of the most brilliant narcissistic stories I had written. It was all about ME so how could I have made it more personal and more first- hand than that?
Medium nightmares
My sleep is disturbed by frequent nightmares. Usually, Medium editors appear as ghoulish and evil characters. I wake up screaming “I hate you.” Believe me, it’s scary.
Perhaps these nightmares are caused by me reading thousands of articles on Medium about how to be a successful writer. Now, I thought my topics were perhaps a bit on the dull side but the ones on Medium are just so conducive to sleep.
They all say the same thing:-
Write an article a day
Get on publications
Don’t worry about being in curation jail
Medium statistics, views, reads, and fans (yawn!)
When I get fed up with all these, I write all day and every day. I have neglected my family and refused to get another rabbit. I am far too busy with being a Medium addict.
Headline tremors
This is unpleasant too as you juggle with all those headline analyzers. Don’t overuse the word “smart”. Never use “things” in the headline. When I had really severe tremors, I started using one or two-word headlines like “Drone Reviews” and “Yardwork Blues” and I felt a lot better.
Weight loss and eating disorders
My family no longer recognizes me as I have faded away to nothing. I rarely eat now. They are thinking of having me treated for a writing disorder. They have never heard of Medium! They would be shocked if they knew. They have kidnapped my computer but I have a laptop hidden away in the wardrobe.
Medium friends on Facebook
The only friends left now are fellow Medium addicts on Facebook. I don’t want to or cannot talk to anyone else.
I am hooked but I have no intention of giving up the Medium drug. Don’t believe it when they say you can overcome your addiction.
There is no cure!
Here is the other side of the story — a curator’s tale.
