Are You Playing With Double Negatives All The Time?
It eats into memory space

Are you surrounded by active practitioners of double negatives? I am. In fact, I find it detrimental to my mental health. There are definitely reasons people do it, which can be justified through a social or personal lens. However, what it really does is to get people to expend more mental energy processing the same message presented positively.
Take, for instance, the following.
“You know, really, I am not unhappy with you.”
Okay, there is everything wrong with that sentence. Why say “not unhappy with” when it could be presented as “happy with”? I visualize a large plot of real estate that is in the grey, where we are not at the extremes of being absolutely happy or absolutely unhappy.
If that is so, wouldn’t it be so much better if it can be presented as “That issue is bothering me, can we address it please”?
I mean, it sounds actionable with the issue identified. I guess I have an issue too. I prefer clarity. There are days when I believe I am the issue itself. Believe me, I do.
Oh, and then, there is the overemphasis of “You know, really”.
Actually, no, I don’t know. I mean it genuinely. Which is the reason the other person is bringing it up, isn’t it? I do find it a marvel on the “really” because it does feel like there is an inherent worry of being offensive.
Then that is weird too. Issues may have a chance of resolution when they are brought up, no matter the tone. Isn’t the overemphasis unnecessary for highlighting an issue?
There is so much unspoken depth in this one sentence.
For one, it feels that bringing up a topic for discussion is weighing heavily on the mind of the person speaking to me. Next, it could be that she finds this as an issue, and I don’t think so.
That is an assumption in itself, and when it comes to communication, some assumptions could be deadly. Assuming that the counterparty doesn’t want to attend to this issue is deadly, and assuming a passive voice for highlighting an issue is another.
I often wonder if flipping the communication mode from negative to positive would be much better for both parties. I imagine that the previous conversation could be presented in this format.
“Hey, Aldric. I know you are busy. We have this issue. I need your time so we can address it. Let me know when.”
Ah. So much better. The counterparty knows my time constraint, presented a case requiring active resolution, and is looking to address when I am available. All I have to do to check my scheduler and get back.
I like this.
I like this for one important reason — This communication style removes friction generated from mental processing. It calls a spade a spade, it is actionable, and we know exactly what to expect next. I could act upon it when I hear it.
Plus, whenever I hear double negatives, I have to flip it over to a positive form to understand what the conversation is about. I am not certain if there are folks who find double negatives natural for mental consumption.
I know I am not one of them.
I know there is a lot of depth when it comes to communication, and maybe we can start by being direct?
I know there is one advantage of that.
We don’t have to engage in guessing games (that much, anyway).
Flip Double Negatives to Positives,
Aldric
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