All the Mistakes I Made Before the Age of 25

And why it was important to make them

It’s Virgo season which can mean a lot of things. Autumn is on the way and the mornings and evenings already have a crispness to them, and the days are getting shorter. But it also means I have another birthday. One that I’ve been dreading more than 25.

I’ve grown to despise aging. I’m now closer to 30 than 20 and it feels far too old. I know it’s relatively young in the grand scheme of things but there’s so much pressure associated with your twenties.

You’re meant to buy a house (working on it) establish a successful career (pass), get married (not for me) have babies and a host of other unrealistic expectations. When you fall short of those, it does feel like you’re failing and running out of time.

Two years ago I wrote about everything I learned before turning 24. I shared my wisdom and wrote about all the positive things. This year, I want to talk about mistakes and failures.

• a) because they make us human
• b) because they don’t get enough attention. Online, we only often see the highlights of people’s lives

Making mistakes is essential for our self development. In the process of making them, we work out what kind of person we want to be. Although I wouldn’t encourage you to make the same mistakes as I did, I would say that if you do, there’s always something to be learnt from it.

It’s through mistakes we realise our flaws and once we regonise those, we can improve the way we live our lives. Integral to this is the aging process, so I can’t knock it too much. Even though I’m terrified of it, I know it’s not only inevtiable, but essential for growth.

Mistakes are annoying, but they’re also natural. So, here’s a dose of mine over the years.

1. Rushing into university

On the whole I had a great experience of school and I’m very greatful for as I know it could have been different. But the one aspect I’m disapponted in, is leaping from A-Levels to university immediately and this being presented as the only option.

Even at 19, you think you don’t have enough time. I was eager to rush off to university, get a degree and start living my life. But in hindsight, I wish I had taken a year out to think about what I wanted to study before I started it. Time can give you so much perspective — which is something I lacked at that age.

2. Believing alcohol was the answer

This took a lot of horrendous mistakes, messy nights out and mornings of extreme hangxiety and depression to realise. As somebody who is socially anxious, alcohol was always the tool to get me through any type of interaction.

I started drinking at 15, 16 and became to rely on it not only as a tool to socialise, but as a coping mechanism for, well, life. Univeristy years are some of the most stressful years of your life, coinciding with an extreme alcohol culture in the UK, it can make a deadly combination. As soon as I was off of it, my life immediately improved.

3. Letting anxiety win

It still does, some days. Especially when it’s realted to PMS. But my former self wouldn’t even challenge it. If I felt a bout of anxiety about something (even small things) I would simply make up an excuse and get out of it.

As the years have gone on, I haven’t had this luxury, but also learnt how important it is to stand up to anxiety as it has resulted in so many missed opporunites over the years. Nowadays, I win more, but sometimes anxiety does get the odd victory.

4. Only reading classics

I had the BBC’s 100 Books You Must Read Before You Die list printed off and stuck into the back of every journal between the ages of 12–16. I thought these were the only books worth reading. It stressed me out that I hadn’t read many classics so I set about trying to read as many as possible.

I was probably far too young to appreciate some of the books I got through and wish I’d saved some until now, where I have the life experience to appreciate them. But also wished I’d allowed myself to live a little and have more fun with my reading.

5. Oversocialising and FOMO

Before the age of 20–21 I couldn’t say no to an invitation. Even if it was something I didn’t want to do, I’d say yes to please another person. Even if a situation was uncomfortable, I would still involve myself in it even it it made me unhappy.

I had a serious case of people pleasing and FOMO (fear of missing out) if I didn’t go to events and parties, but luckily, as I’ve got older, I’ve realised I don’t care. I only go to things that add value to my life.

6. Crash diets

I’ve never been happy with my weight. Even at my smallest, I tried to hide myself and over analysed every imperfection. I went on the water diet at school (in secret) and later joined Slimming World in my university years where they labelled certain foods as ‘syns’ (pronnounced ‘sins’) and promoted binging on ‘syn free’ food such as ham, pasta and rice.

Both worked in the short term but caused me to develop a terrible relationship with food. One where I couldn’t go out for a nice meal without worrying what it would say on the scale the following week. Diets don’t work, but self acceptance and moderation do.

7. Believing I had to keep my school friends for life

People float in and out of your life for a reason. However, just because you’ve known a person your whole life, it doesn’t mean because of that you have to stay friends.

At school, you tend to stick to the same people because you are in that place at the same time. You share a commonality because you have to. And then you grow up and realise you’re different people. There’s no point holding onto friends who don’t align with your world view or interests.

8. Believing a career was the only definition of success

The graduate job obsession is real from the second you’re in second year of university. Everyone is applying to big companies and industries in the hope they will get an internship and eventually, a highly paid corporate job.

I never got any of those things, but I definitely felt the pressure. I remember someone saying to me after univeristy when I had started in the bookshop, “so when are you getting a proper job?” It gave me a complex for a long time, but now I am thankful I don’t live a corporate life.

9. Drinking too much coffee

Due to terrible insomnia, drinking, hangovers and constant deadlines, I drank a huge amount of coffee at university. I had a coffee machine in my room because our shared kitchen had very little surface space, but this also meant I had constant access.

I drank anywhere between 4–5 coffees a day and left me with an unyielding addiction. These days, I drink between 1–2 which is a lot better, but I’ll probably have the caffiene dependency for life.

10. Not having a savings account

Admittedly, it has not been until recently where I have been in a financial position to save, but I had wished I started one earlier. Even if you put £5–10 away regularly, you can build up a pot of money to fall back on.

Even though I barely got any student loan and acculmulated huge overdraft debts because of it, I was defintiely a bit reckless with money and was prone to splurging, when I could have been saving a bit. You never know when you’re going to get an unexpected expenditure, so it pays to save when you can.

11. Neglecting exercise as a form of self care

It took me a long time to realise that exercise shouldn’t be a form of punishment and that you can just stick to the forms you enjoy. It took me even longer to realise exercise shouldn’t just be a way of achieving physical goals, but a means to make you feel better mentally.

Luckily, I began to realise this in my final year of university when I took up powerlifting. I was amazed at the mental clarity it gave me, and how it made me feel less stressed.

12. Bowing down to peer pressure and taking drugs

Part of me was always curious about weed, it’s hard not to be when you’re 18 years old, but I was definitely egged on by my friendship group at the time. But after one paranoid episode and terrifying trip, I never wanted to touch the stuff again. Even the smell sent me into a spiral, and relieving the death like experience I had endured.

My friends weren’t so supportive. They would downplay my experience, and slowly started to not invite me to things after it happened. But that’s their loss, I would never go near the stuff again, nor put myself in that situation.

13. Dreaming of being a size 0 and thinking my weight was a reflection of self worth

I’ve been critical of myself at every size, even when I was at my smallest. I’ll never fully like myself in the mirror, but that’s okay, I like other non physical attributes.

But I spent so many of my teenage years and early twenties obsessed with looking small and slim. I’d worry about what I looked like constantly above anything else, and would even not leave the house because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I was horrible to myself if I didn’t like what I saw, but now, I just accept whatever is staring back at me in the mirror.

14. Reading fast and not slow

I used to race through books as fast as possible and would be desperate to finish them as soon as I started. I was so obsessed with this, that at times, I’d forget why I was reading in the first place.

It was a sad head space to be in, but one definitely influenced by social media. Nowadays, although I’m reading more than ever, this isn’t driven by a goal as I value quality over quantity.

15. Not spending enough time outdoors

For many, the lockdowns of 2020 taught us the importance of spending time outdoors and how it can positively impact our mental health. For most of my teenage years, I don’t think I spent time outside at all, but that slowly began to change when I hit my twenties.

I soon realised the correlation between fresh air and a positive mood, and have never looked back. It’s rare that a day goes by without me leaving the house.

15 mistakes are a lot, but they were essential

“One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist…..Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.” — Stephen Hawking

These mistakes have resulted in a lot of bad experiences, worsening mental health problems and the destruction of friendships. Even though making them resulted in some very dark periods off my life, there is a part of me that is glad I made them.

Even though I don’t know just yet who I am or where I’m going, making these mistakes has helped establish my boundaries. I know what sets my anxiety off or what makes me uncomfortable, and I know what I need to do to combat that.

Our lives will be littered with mistakes because humans are imperfect beings. Instead of cringing from them, or hiding them from the people in our life, we need to embrace them. If we don’t, we can’t ever learn about ourselves fully or expect to grow from our experiences.

Make all the mistakes. Feel all the feels. Hide it all away for a bit. But be ready to emerge from the other side with more knowledge learned about yourself, and what you need to go forward. So here’s to looking forward to aging, and relishing in all the mistakes we make.

Try not to make the same mistakes I did. And if you do, make sure to self relfect and learn from them. Aging isn’t something we can prevent, but we can make the most from our past lives and use our experiences to change things for the better.