Body Positivity Isn’t the Only Answer to Healing Your Relationship with your Body

Because for some, it may never be achievable

Every year since I was around twelve or thirteen, I have dreaded the return of spring after a long, dark winter. As soon as the sun feels warm on my skin, I begin to dread the long summer days that stretch out before me. I stress over the body that has been safely hidden under layers, jumpers and leggings all winter and worry about what it looks like after so much hibernation.

That first day when my bare legs are on full display is always the worst. I catch myself in every reflection and mirror; sitting down; I watch my legs double in size when in contact with a hard surface. As people walk past, I wonder if they are looking at me and the cellulite on the backs of my legs and my pale, translucent skin.

These thoughts have become such an occupying force in my mind for so long; despite the efforts to embrace the body positivity movement, it has always been hard to look forward to or enjoy the warm summer days. Last summer, I started to open up about the topic and write about my relationship with my body:

• You Don’t Have to Cover Up Your Rolls This Summer
• Life is Too Short to Continue Wearing Uncomfortable Clothes
• Remember That Size is Just a Number

I felt optimistic and confident that 2021 would be the year I stopped caring about my body. I even felt like I may begin to like it. But I’m not there yet and don’t know if I’ll ever be. So as summer comes around this year, I know that being totally body positive isn’t achievable for me, at least not now. So I’m striving for something a little more realistic.

Despite liking parts of my body, I can never be overwhelmingly positive about it

We all have parts about ourselves that we like and parts that maybe we’d rather not show the rest of the world. Personally, my legs have always been one of my biggest insecurities. Even before I started weight lifting consistently, they were always bigger than everybody else's.

I remember sitting on the PE field at school and looking at all the other girls’ legs and wondering why mine were so much thicker, stockier and paler. I’ve always tried to eke out wearing tights for as long as possible and feel more comfortable in jeans, trousers, or a flowy skirt covering my legs. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people that show their legs at the first opportunity of summer but never felt confident enough to.

In more recent years, I’ve had the confidence to show my legs in the summer more and try and forget about these uncomfortable feelings I have about them. My legs are definitely on the bigger side, but there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I’ve grown to like them to some degree because they are the strongest, sturdiest part of me.

You could say I have come to terms with accepting my legs, and I even like them on some days. But if it were possible, I would never say no to swapping them for longer, slender pins, and that’s part of the problem. I still haven’t let go of that comparative mindset.

This is in part fuelled by being on the edge of growing up with social media and toxic ideas about women’s bodies and the expectation to be tall and slender. Still, on the other hand, it’s about struggling to love ourselves. That’s the hardest lesson that we all have to learn, and it can take a lifetime to achieve.

There are parts of myself that I like or have come to terms with over the years, but I would never say I am someone who can be positive about their own body. There’s just too much stacked against it, even though I know there shouldn't be.

Body positivity is too binary for it to be a realistic state of mind

Last summer, I was definitely in the body positivity mindset. I was setting myself challenges like showing off my belly rolls, getting my legs out when I could and not looking at the ground every time a stranger walked past me. I’d have days when it felt like I loved my body, but this would closely be followed by days of self-doubt and hatred for the physique I inhabited.

The truth is, we can’t always be completely positive about ourselves one hundred per cent of the time. It’s exhausting and unachievable, which is partly where I believe the body positivity movement is failing us. It doesn’t allow for down days or any feelings of self-doubt, so when we do have them, we spiral even further than we would.

Although I believe in its message that loving ourselves is far more important than our appearance, I’m not convinced it’s a mindset I can ever fully adopt because it’s hard to love yourself every day. There will always be parts of us that we don’t like, and there should be room for that.

Body acceptance is a new movement that is allowing for this. Its core message is that you don't have to be thrilled and in awe of your body every day, but you can figure out how to accept it for what it is. In other words, you don’t have to view your own body through a rose-tinted lens but strive for something more realistic.

It’s okay to have down days about ourselves or days when we want to cover up. It’s completely normal to want to hide our bodies away from the world from time to time but have days where we want to put it on show. If it’s more achievable and stops you from spiralling, the body acceptance movement may be the way forward.

Embracing body acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate the positivity movement

We should all be in love with our bodies, but the reality is that the world we are living in makes it harder. For most of us, we live in a capitalist society that thrives on exploiting our insecurities. Without it, the beauty industry wouldn't be able to survive. It’s said repeatedly, but social media does play a massive role in determining our relationships with our bodies — good and bad.

Despite the resurgence of the body positivity movement and the gradual turn to seeing more mid and plus-sized bodies on Instagram, it’s still dominated by bodies with unachievable proportions for many. Moreover, for women with a certain platform, their physical appearance is usually the first asset that is attacked.

Many of us don’t feel comfortable posting pictures of ourselves without a filter because we have become used to how it removes our insecurities. The technology many of us have access to makes it easier to dislike ourselves. Therefore, being entirely positive is hard and not always the best attitude to strive for in the long term.

Accepting our bodies, or feeling neutral about them, maybe a more realistic option for many who are still struggling to like themselves. However, this doesn’t mean we don’t believe people shouldn't be positive because they absolutely should if they can, but acknowledging it’s not always possible.

Despite being in a better place with my body than I was even a few years ago, I still don’t particularly like it and spend half of my days wishing I could be more like somebody else. I scroll through Instagram and still feel those feelings of envy and resentment when I see someone smaller than me, and it’s hard to push those feelings out of the way.

Summer is still far from my favourite month due to the pressures to showcase perfect bodies, but instead of faking positivity, I’m simply trying to strive for acceptance.

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