Why The Rich Self-Help Gurus Want You Complacent
Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.
Tens of thousands of people were all crammed in an auditorium. Emotions are high. There’s a lot of energy, people with bright eyes looking over at the stage, eager for the opening act.
Someone walks up on stage and the crowd goes wild. In a matter of minutes, people are cheering, clapping, screaming. They’re losing their minds over the various stories being told of people who lost everything and found redemption. Stories of how their mom or dad recovered miraculously from a debilitating condition.
There’s even some right there in the seminar who went from being so negative and filled with despair to suddenly bawling tears of joy when they heard the words from the key speaker. The speaker generously “opening the floor to questions” or “picking someone for an example”.
For a few days, the energy is high and positive. Your throat will be sore from all the screaming. Your head will be buzzing and pounding from the screaming of others around you.
But the real question is, despite having a great time being around so many relatable people, what exactly did you gain from all this?
If you’ve been to a few seminars or events by self-help gurus then you know the general formula. These flagship events are focused less on delivering value and instead push various products, and courses into your face.
There are some exceptions though. I consider attending any self-help seminar for the first time to be an alright experience. However it only really helps if you’re new to the self-help industry or have read very little about what the seminar focuses on.
The other exception is when the host brings in actual scientists — such was the case with NeuroGym’s seminars which bring in real neurologists.
Heralded as the guru’s money makers, they are the gift that keeps on giving for the sole factor that it enriches the guru further while providing little if any help to those who buy into it. It becomes a Multi-Level Marketing event without all of the MLM elements.
Rather they are subtle, revolve around the rich self-help guru who organized it, and it’s all to drive home a simple message.
“We want you to go nowhere and continue to struggle.”
Many Gurus Sell The Idea Of Change But No Means Of Doing So
Complacency is the name of the game for rich self-help gurus. Their focus is a lot on driving emotions high and less on the practicality of their advice or their products.
Tony Robbins is a prime example of this where his events draw in thousands of people each time. But as my fellow writer pointed out after attending an event a few years ago, there really wasn’t much to be gained.
There weren’t mind-blowing revelations and it was hard to find the practicality of it all. Even with some people claiming that Robbins programs work wonders, these were coming from a small group of individuals.
A small group out of the thousands of people who attended.
If we are to base his success rate on these testimonies that’s a pretty poor track record as a self-help guru. Robbins has been doing this for decades now and has done countless live seminars. He doesn’t provide specifics on how many people attend these events, sign up, or succeed in his programs, so the only basis we have is from those testimonies.
If out of thousands of people, only a handful are singing the praises on the practicality of it, the success rate of these products is not a significant amount. Even with employing general sales metrics (if thousands are attending then each seminar would have several hundred buying) the success rate would be pitiable.
All of this raises the question of how helpful are these products and even the seminars themselves actually are?
In the article, the writer brought up there was a man who attended this event every year for the past five years. The man was excited, but he clearly never paused once and thought about whether he is gaining anything from this.
Like so many of Robbins’ fans, they seemed more keen on being sold stuff and less on figuring out if anything would help them out.
Even when these people are poor, divorced, struggling financially, or all around vulnerable, the people there were more obsessed with the sudden burst of excitement than with getting actual help. They were looking more to be entertained than to truly find a way out of their situation.
All of this is to say that while Robbins would make for a good entertainer, the fact he’s a self-help guru reveals more of a problem that so many other seminars run into.
Unless the focus is on providing legit science, data, and results and delivering way more value, these seminars are a waste of time.
Worse, the host and all the other individuals pushing their various products and services only really care about selling as much as possible and don’t care about helping you.
That much is clear by the poor track record Robbins has as a self-help guru.
If thousands are attending his seminars year after year, buying his books, and reading his blogs, then a much larger amount of people ought to be seeing improvements in their lives in some way. The fact it doesn’t tells more about the quality of these products and that the price tag is more focused on the name.
Hype Tactics Serve As Ways To Instill Comfort Through Excitement
But while the practicality of it all is important and should be looked at, a lot of people who listen to these richer self-help gurus don’t care or aren’t aware. If they stopped and thought about their behaviour, they would notice a pattern.
They don’t because of a variety of reasons. But a lot of it circles back to complacency and the belief they are the problem.
Systems meant to punish poor or marginalized people demand additional steps rich self-help gurus omit for example. But the most common is through the use of hype tactics and to leverage emotions.
I do mean that Robbins is a good entertainer. He clearly brings in a crowd and gets them filled with energy and positive emotions. He moves people to tears and there are clearly people who want to be like him. And any opportunity to see or talk to him is seen as this amazing thing.
But when it comes to the advice that he delivers, he positions himself as not being the source of the problem. He focuses on the few one-off stories that he’s heard over the years and uses them as ultimate truths that can be applied to everyone.
I have no doubt that some people have had success from his work and have changed their lives around. But Robbins inflates those success stories and twists them to say “Hey, this could be you too.” He builds universal rules or gets people to share anecdotal information to get people to believe that this is the truth.
That the people who spent thousands to be here now have the secret to incredible wealth, a happy and fulfilling marriage, and impeccable health.
This is why every time a rich self-help guru announces a book, course, seminar, or really anything, they hype it up as the “one thing that will blow your mind.” They focus on the hype factor rather than the practicality of it.
It’s like saying that the secret to weight loss is at the bottom of a jumbo bag of M&M’s.
But even though taking a step back you realize that’s a load of bullshit, there are still people vying for that bag and scarfing it down. Bag included. The reason is that this hype instills comfort in both parties.
The rich self-help guru continues to pad their wealth because getting more money gives them a rush of dopamine. Under the guise of helping other people, they see people buying their products as a reason to continue.
For the consumer, it’s the belief that attending or buying these programs will solve a legitimate problem that they are facing in their life right now.\
It’s this perceived relief and overwhelming positive emotions and high energy that instills this idea that the products they offer are worth it and that even a handful of people claim it to be helpful, that is enough for people to believe it’ll work for them.
The Products Themselves Tell You So When You Fail
But the machine doesn’t stop there. It guarantees the vast majority of people remain stuck or in a worse position than before. In most cases, people would be outraged for being sold what was clearly a scam or an ineffective product.
I say ineffective based solely on the lack of data gurus provide to people and the reliance on self-claims that this stuff works.
In most situations, you’d demand a refund, especially if you’ve tried the material and failed.
But in the self-help industry, we’re only privy to refund nightmares in extreme cases or if the person is known to have terrible refund policies. I’ve seen plenty of stories of people who bought Tai Lopez courses and struggled to get a refund for example.
And for Tony Robbins, he had his own refund issues too.
But thinking back to that fan who has attended a seminar five times in a row and still loves Robbins' work, I’m willing to believe that a lot of people don’t ask for refunds for tickets or courses or products because of complacency that is reinforced by the products themselves.
Part of the reason self-help gurus don’t divulge any data is because the product’s intended outcome is up to interpretation. Because everyone is at a different point in their lives and facing their own unique problems, progress itself looks different to each person.
It gives me the same vibes that ABC’s 20/20 instilled in viewers when they brought on three wanna-be entrepreneurs, gave them $1,000 and asked them to turn a profit in 20 days. The program brought on Robert Kiyosaki to help guide these individuals over those 20 days.
One lost everything, another broke even, and the third made a few hundred dollars. Kiyosaki however said the whole challenge was a success.
All of this plays out similarly to a rich self-help guru. They believe their products change everyone’s lives and that this is their gift. They pass that belief on to those who listen and don’t question it.
And so when failure arrives, people believe something else was wrong.
It wasn’t the coach’s or the guru’s or the product’s fault. They just weren’t good enough. The onus is on the individual rather than what was used to address the issue.
With the lack of clear data and the glowing testimonies, along with hype tactics, the products themselves reinforce this idea of being in a loop feels good. It’s better to have the illusion of progress, have people tell you they care, and leave you after they got your money.
And rich self-help gurus have boiled it down to an art where they can convince people the true roadblock is inside them all along and has nothing to do with the fact they’re selling something that for all we know helps only a small group of people.
How To Break This Loop
This cycle has many iterations as rich self-help gurus have several tactics and tricks that they use. All the same people run into various problems with these products for multiple reasons as well.
But the road to true growth is a bit different. It’s something I personally stumbled upon years ago.
I was maybe a year or so into writing on Medium when I attended my last self-help seminar. It was one conducted by NeuroGym’s John Assaraf. Even though I couldn’t afford the actual program the seminar was selling, the information I got from it was helpful.
It reinforced a lot of what I know about how our brain works and how to better deal with negative thinking. Even though back then I wasn’t exactly citing research papers in my articles when the topic came up.
Even though I had a good time with the seminar overall, I attended this seminar because I chose to. And I stopped going to future seminars because I chose to.
If I went to NeruoGym’s latest webinar, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same or similar. Just like how Tony Robbins seminars often get people to walk on coals much to their dismay.
The reality is if I decided to go back there, I’m not exactly changing myself. Just like the one who attended a Robbins show five times in a row, they’re not exactly gaining anything beyond signalling to Robbin to keep doing what he is doing.
In the end, if you’re not changing, you are choosing to enable whatever ideology or action that is taking place.
In the case of the rich self-help guru, a lot of it seems to be around the idea of keeping you stuck and not fixing your problems.
Instead, it’s better to step back and look at the practicality. I do think there is some appropriate application to one of Steve Jobs’ quotes that can help with this:
Ask yourself ‘If today was your last day, would you want to do what you’ll be doing today?’ And when the answer is no for too many days in a row, you need to make a change.
If things aren’t getting better, then it’s worth asking if you’re using the advice. Whether you are or not, it’s important to use that fact to look at your behaviour.
If you’re using it and it’s not getting you anywhere, then it’s important to look for other issues and to do some research. To look for other avenues.
If you’re not using it at all, it’s worth asking yourself why you’re consuming this person’s content and giving them your money.
A self-help guru’s goal is to help people, but those individuals eventually move on. What you guru’s deliver should lead to a natural progression where you don’t need whatever they are selling. In your own mind, you’ve already “made it”.
Many rich self-help gurus don’t want you to do this. They would rather have us be complacent when consuming their content. To be used more as entertainment rather than as legitimate advice to address the myriad of issues in our lives.
Breaking this loop is a matter of recognizing this and choosing to actually grow.
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