6 Valuable Pieces of Unusual Dating Advice for Men

#2: Make the first date basic.

“Dating isn’t rocket science. It’s two people meeting up, having fun, and seeing how well they get along. That’s it. Really, it shouldn’t be that hard.”

I’ll be honest with you. In the beginning, dating confused the hell out of me.

I sat in front of my phone for hours, waiting for a message that would never come — and I had no idea why.

I got lucky every now and then and had a girl come back to my apartment — but again, I had no idea why.

If you ask most men, dating is a bit of a black box for them. And it can be super frustrating.

You fall for girls who aren’t a good match but convince yourself they are. Then, you find yourself amidst a pile of rubble and burned ashes of what you once believed to be a relationship made to last.

You end up in the friendzone with no clue how to get out and see her fall for jerk after jerk. Yet you can do nothing but pick up the shards and be the shoulder to cry on — and it frustrates the hell out of you.

You download a bunch of dating apps, only to realize Tinder messages aren’t a replacement for face-to-face conversations. While the dates bring novelty and adventure, they also come with shallowness and emptiness.

You spend tons of money on drinks, new clothes, haircuts, grooming products, and maybe even a “how to find a girlfriend in 30 days” course without significant improvement.

You read pickup forums and articles, only to realize canned routines, icebreakers, and negs can’t replace personality, character, and connection.

I get it. I don’t blame you. I’ve been there as well. But why is dating such a conundrum for most men?

Because society portrays a very distorted picture of what dating is supposed to be like.

Soon after I had that realization, my dating life took a turn for the better. The frequency and quality of my dates improved. I finally had fun instead of trying to get a girl. I was being myself — and the ladies loved it. I connected with more girls than Men’s Health dating tips could’ve ever connected me with. I found an amazing girlfriend who’s a great match for my own, unique personality.

And I realized that the best dating advice is absolutely counterintuitive.

#1 You Don’t Have Dating Problems, You Have Life Problems

Early on in my life, I regularly ended up in the friendzone. I was what people would call a nice guy. I did everything I could for a woman, listened to her ranting about her douche of an ex-boyfriend, got her food when she was hungry, and talked to her on the phone late into the night. Then, she hit me with the good old “I really like you as a friend…”

I did what every man would do — I tried to climb out of the friendzone. A couple of Google searches later, I realized I was being too needy. So, I overcorrected. I delayed my response to messages, didn’t pay for dates, and pretended to be less available — just so I didn’t seem so needy.

It worked — if you want to call it that. I attracted more women, but they weren’t attracted to me because of who I was. They were attracted to me because I was acting mysterious and like an asshole sometimes, and sooner or later, they’d all realize the true me and run away.

Your dating life and relationships are a mirror for your true self — with all your perks and flaws. Someone else gets to look at you, your life, your personality, and who you are. And when you build an intimate connection with someone, your true self will always show.

You can pretend to be someone you’re not by acting aloof, talking about topics you otherwise wouldn’t talk about, or dressing like a magazine model. This will work, but only in the short term. Ultimately, your own self will shine through.

By focusing on your dates instead of your life, you’re fixing symptoms instead of problems. Sort out your issues, step your life up to the next level, and become the best version of your true self. It will show.

Don’t act like you’re into something just to seem more interesting. Instead, find something you are passionate about, whatever it may be. Be authentic and own it.

Don’t wait on purpose to reply to messages just so you seem less needy and available. Instead, have an interesting and fulfilled life, and you’ll automatically spend less time texting.

Don’t max out credit cards trying to impress your date. Instead, get confident with yourself and your life so you don’t need money as a crutch.

Get your own life in order and be happy by yourself before you get involved in dating. Work through your issues and old breakups. Build discipline and achieve your goals. Create your dream life, become the best version of your true self, and be authentic about it. Once you’ve created a great life for yourself, dating success will follow.

#2 Make the First Date Basic

Mainstream dating advice tells you to put effort into the first date. You want to be at your best behavior. You want to impress her with the awesome Italian restaurant (4.8/5 stars on Trip Advisor!) and your new haircut. You want to be the perfect gentleman, pay for drinks, have another back-up activity in mind in case you get bored at the bar, and nothing should be missing.

How could you not? First impressions count, right?

They do. And that’s exactly why you should make the first date basic.

I’ve been there as well. Before my first dates, I racked my brains about what to do. I spent hours reading reviews of ice-cream places and wrote down topics I could talk about in case the conversation died down.

I’ll tell you something. The best dates I had were the most basic ones. A walk in the green. Some tea at a café. A store-bought beer on a park bench.

Why? Because when you’re on a first date, your goal isn’t to impress the other person. Your goal is to get to know them and find out if they’re worth the effort in the first place. You want to find out if you two vibe and are a good match, not if she falls for your masquerade.

You’ll also be less nervous and less invested because if things don’t work out, you only invested two hours of your time, not $150 at a steakhouse.

If you’re a good match, sitting on a bench and talking won’t get boring. If you have trouble diving into deep conversations, then go to a bar or take a walk around town — there will be people and other things to see and talk about.

Readjust your mindset — what you were conditioned to believe is wrong. On a first date, you want to get to know the woman, not impress her with a mask you put on. Find out if you two click, and if you don’t, no biggie.

But what if she thinks I’m cheap? Let me put it this way: Would you want a woman who thinks you’re cheap because you don’t shell out $100 on someone you don’t know? It’s a great way to filter out gold-diggers.

Plus, you not investing much upfront also tells her you aren’t needy but confident enough so you don’t have to show off. And women find confidence sexy as hell.

#3 Most Hot Women Are Looking for a Normal Guy

I’m a little biased here but my current girlfriend is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She isn’t the only super-hot woman I’ve ever met but they all tell the same story. And honestly, I’m baffled every time I hear it.

Hot women almost never get approached by “normal” guys because they don’t have the balls and think she’s out of their league. The guys who approach them are either drunk off their tits at the club or creeps without social calibration.

It’s funny and almost a bit comical that most guys think hot women have tons of men flocking to them. Sure, they all have a bunch of admirers on social media — but how many approach them in person?

To women, looks aren’t as important as they are to men. Groom yourself, work out for a bit and get rid of that belly, don’t dress like a hermit, and you’ll be able to pass the first check.

Here comes the funny part: You can score a ton of brownie points by being honest and your authentic, real self. She has hundreds of men trying to impress or flat out lie to her just to get in her pants, so someone authentic makes for a nice change.

When you first talk to her, she’ll likely have what Pickup Artists call bitch-shields — acting aloof, cold, or non-receptive to scare off the creeps and jerks who try to get into her pants every day. Show her you aren’t one of them but an Authentic Man who wants to chat for a bit and see what she’s like.

It’s not a guarantee for her falling in love with you, but you wouldn’t believe how many beautiful women are out there who — for once — want to meet a normal, authentic guy.

Have a normal, everyday conversation with women you consider “too hot to approach” or “out of your league.” A lot of them are looking for a sweet and normal guy but only get approached by creeps and jerks. Even if nothing comes of it, the confidence boost you get from talking to a hot woman is enormous.

#4 Be Authentic and Make Yourself Vulnerable

I’ve touched upon this point already but I want to hammer it home because it’s at the very core of any functioning and fulfilling relationship.

I spent some time among Pickup Artists and forums — a community whose goal is seduction and sexual success with women. Meeting and bedding tons of women sounds nice to any man, so I tried tons of strategies, tactics, tips, pick-up lines, and anything remotely related.

To be honest, there is a lot of great material out there that “works” — if your definition of working is to get to know or seduce a number of women.

However, most of it focuses on outer game — you work on your appearance, communication, and perceived status. These are superficial and while you’ll bang more women, they usually aren’t the ones you really want to be with.

To find a woman who’s a great match for you and likes you for who you are, you have to be your authentic self. And to be authentic, you have to know what you want and make yourself vulnerable.

Know your goals, needs, and wants — and don’t be ashamed to communicate them.

If you want casual sex, own it. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, own it. And if you’ve been hurt in the past and have trust issues that make it hard for you to connect, own it. Don’t overshare but know what you want, stick to it, and be authentic when the time comes.

But what if she thinks I’m not right for her and leaves? That’s the point, buddy.

The point of being authentic and vulnerable is to put yourself out there not knowing what happens. It’s to show your true self and find the people who want to connect with you, not who you pretend to be. Not only is this damn strong, confident, and sexy, but also essential to finding the person you want to be with.

Here’s a little bonus tip to practice vulnerability. Text her the day after you had sex. Yes, you make yourself vulnerable because you’re the first one texting, but it will earn you tons of brownie points with her. And quite frankly, it’s the right thing to do. Having sex with a guy is a big investment for women. Once it happens, the relationship dynamic changes and she — for a lack of better words — is at your mercy. Text her after — she’ll feel better about her decision to sleep with you and hold you in higher regard.

#5 Learn to Love Rejection

“Rejection exists for a good reason — it’s a means to keep people who are not good for each other apart.” — Mark Manson

When you make yourself vulnerable and are your authentic self, you will get rejected a lot. If you stand for something, you’ll inevitably rub some people the wrong way. And this is where most men stray off the path.

I got rejected so many times I can’t even keep count. Sometimes while approaching, sometimes after a few dates.

Rejection is good. It hurts in the moment but in the long run, it helps you find the people who are a good match for you.

It’s like a big filter keeping everyone out who isn’t compatible with your personality, your values, or what you’re looking for. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you two aren’t compatible.

I know it hurts. I know what it feels like to have a woman tell you you’re weird. I know what it feels like to wait for her after she said I’m gonna go to the bathroom, be right back only to never see her again.

But all the hurt is nothing compared to the feeling you get when you find someone who shares the same values, dreams, hopes, quirks, humor, and ways of life. It’s incredible.

I don’t believe in soulmates but if you want to find yours or get even close, be prepared to face a lot of rejection.

Rejection is part of the game. It’s a necessary filter. To find the people who are right for you, you’ll have to get rejected by the others. It doesn’t matter how many times someone turns you down. What matters is that you keep going.

You have to fall in love with rejection and develop outcome independence.

#6 Don’t Bang Her Just Because You Can

I’ll admit this is a first world problem but after I took my own advice to heart, my dating life improved by a landslide.

It got to the point where I could sleep with more women than I actually wanted to. And if you’ve been thirsty for years, you drink like a camel once the tap starts running again. I slept with them all, even if I wasn’t into it or didn’t find her that attractive.

I get it. It’s thrilling and exciting, you feel manly, sex is fun, and you’ve got another story to tell or memory to remember.

But tons of casual sex leaves a feeling of emptiness and a hole that can’t be filled. The sex often feels like masturbating with someone else’s body and if you didn’t really want her in the first place, you feel shabby and dirty afterward.

You’ll likely go through this phase too at one point. That’s fine, you’re making progress. Have fun, enjoy it while it lasts, and bang your brains out if you want to.

If you do it right, you’ll get to a point where you’re happy because you did not sleep with a woman even though you could have. It will change your perspective on dating forever and is something every man should experience at least once in his life.

You don’t have to sleep with every woman you can. Sometimes, it’s better to not sleep with her and smile at yourself because you know you could.

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