You Are the Ultimate Obstacle to Your Own Success

The seven behaviors that keep you from achieving your dreams.

“We cannot learn without pain.”

— Aristotle

Four years ago, I suffered my biggest defeat to this day and it forever changed my view of success.

I’ve been working out at the gym for ten years now. I first stepped foot in it when I was a scrawny, 17-year old teenager with acne and no clue about lifting.

Only a few weeks in and I was stoked. At this point, I had tried a ton of different sports — swimming, running, soccer, tennis, and skiing, to just name a few. None of them had thrilled me like lifting heavy weights at the gym did.

Since that day, the only real break I ever had from it was when I traveled for a year. It didn’t dampen my enthusiasm one bit and two days after I got off the plane, I stepped foot in a gym again.

Only that this time, I got serious. I dove into the science behind it — nutrition, training regimens, regeneration, sleep, and so on. I signed up for a bodybuilding forum and started to read and soak up everything like a sponge.

After six years of breaking sweats, putting on muscle, and burning fat, I was approached by a professional coach. He asked me if I wanted to step on stage in a bodybuilding competition.

I was overwhelmed at first, but after I made up my mind for a few days, I made a momentous decision: I was going to compete.

Getting ready for a bodybuilding competition isn’t exactly a walk in the park. You’ve got to follow a super strict diet, work out regularly, and in the end dehydrate your body to unhealthy degrees.

To this day, it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It has shaped me and my view of success like nothing else. It has taught me that the biggest obstacle on my way to success is me.

Oddly enough, that’s the case for everyone. We all stand in our own way, whether we are trying to win a bodybuilding competition, have a compelling career, build our own business, save money, or create loving relationships.

Whatever success means to you, your inability to free yourself from the weights that hold you back is the chain that keeps you from flying high.

You block your own path to success.

You stand in your own way.

You hold yourself back like nothing else.

But what are the behaviors, actions, and attitudes that you have to give up so you can achieve your dreams?

Let me show you. Let me take you on the journey.

Preparing for a bodybuilding competition is a lot of hard work.

In my case, the preparation consisted of 16 weeks of hardcore dieting, working out six times a week, and dehydrating my body in the last week to obtain paper-thin skin hugging the underlying muscles so the individual fibers could shine through.

It was a rough ride — I lost my nerves a couple of times and passed out every now and then, too.

But it has taught me some valuable lessons about success and the things you have to give up to achieve it.

#1 Feeling like You Fit In

“If you do what everyone else does, you will get what everyone else gets.”

— Stephen Richards

When you’ve got a bodybuilder in your circle of friends, you’ll know. They stick out like a sore thumb.

Everyone went to the pool in the afternoon and summer heat — I had to hit the gym first.

Everyone downed beers and shots at the party — I was sitting there with a fat-free Greek yogurt.

Everyone got lunch at the restaurant — I was scooping up chicken and rice from my Tupperware, counting calories with an app.

Everyone was talking about the latest TV show — I was browsing bodybuilding forums.

When you are obsessed with success and the vision you have of yourself, you won’t fit in with the people who aren’t.

The downside to not living the cookie-cutter life is that you will have trouble relating to them. You will be belittled and laughed at. Nobody will understand what you do and why you do it, and you will waste your time and energy trying to explain.

To achieve your goals, you will have to let go of the desire to fit in. Look at the great minds and revolutionary thinkers of our time — Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Stephen Hawking, the Dalai Lama, Jordan Peterson — admired by many, fitting in with very few.

It will feel lonely at the top. The good thing is that with the internet, connecting with likeminded people isn’t that difficult anymore. But be prepared to lose a lot of common ground with the people you’ve mingled with so far.

#2 Time Spent on Meaningless Distractions

“Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity.”

— Jean de La Bruyère

This is a no-brainer, but people still think they can get around it. You can’t. When you find a way to cheat time, call the MIT or NASA, they’ll know what to do.

I was working full time when I prepared, with a three-hour commute every day. Add a daily workout, time for preparing my meals, asking questions in bodybuilding forums, and comparing different spray- and rub-on tans. I resorted to sleeping on the train every day in order to get at least some slumber.

There wasn’t time for Instagram or watching TV. There wasn’t time to procrastinate with the help of YouTube. I didn’t indulge in online shopping to fight boredom.

All these things you grew to like over the years — they’re meaningless distractions and you will have to get rid of them.

It will feel like you’re missing something first but you’ll get used to it. When you find something compelling to do with your time, everything else falls down a few spokes on the priority ladder. You immerse yourself in your ultimate goal.

Not only that, but your upfront time investment will pay off in the long run. The countless hours I spent educating myself on training and nutrition made everything else so much easier eventually.

When you want to be successful, you have to give up the belief that you’ll be able to “fit things in.” You won’t. Wasting your time with meaningless distractions will ultimately bite you in the butt.

If you want to be successful, if you’ve got a dream, you have to be prepared to sacrifice time and meaningless distractions rigorously.

#3 Short-Term Gratification

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

— Jim Rohn

One of the hardest moments during the whole preparation was a huge one-day conference I was invited to through work. It was an awesome event with tons of speakers, workshops, new products, and, worst of all — tons of food.

I’m talking about delicious, freshly prepared, diverse, colorful, great-smelling, and mouthwatering goodies. And I was in the middle of it, with a Tupperware full of plain chicken, rice, and broccoli. Merry Christmas.

This day was the closest I ever got to cheating on my diet. But I didn’t. Why? Because if you want to be successful, you can’t sacrifice your long-term results for short-term gratification.

If I had to put a number on it, I’d say that a good 95% of your problems, troubles, and dilemmas are because you give in to your short-term cravings.

Your savings account doesn’t grow because you want the new sneakers right now. You’re not losing weight because you can’t resist that sweet donut and the extra cream in your coffee. You’re not moving your life forward because instead of doing the work, you procrastinate on YouTube.

Your short-term cravings are based on your emotions, which are a great feedback mechanism, but terrible advisors when it comes to decision-making. Success, achieving your goals, and living the life you want are long games. To get there, you have to stop being a slave to your emotions, give up the short-term feelings, and think long-term instead.

The reward takes longer but it’s so much sweeter.

#4 People Who Don’t Add Value to Your Life

If you want it or not, your environment and the people you spend your time with will shape you. If you think you are immune to this, you are either blind, arrogant, or both.

Sticking to my diet would’ve been much harder if I hung out with people who went to McDonald’s and offered me cookies on a daily basis.

Getting up in the morning to prepare my meals would’ve been much harder if I spent time with people who partied every night.

Instead, I surrounded myself with people who supported me and my dreams. My friends at the gym who pushed me to train harder. My then-girlfriend who bought groceries for me and helped me shave prior to competition day. My mum whom I could call when I felt like I hit the bottom.

That doesn’t mean you have to cut everyone else off and act purely on a quid pro quo basis, but you might want to do some serious evaluation about who you spend your time with.

Life can be harsh and unpredictable as it is. Achieving your dreams isn’t easy. But with the wrong friends and people around you, it becomes damn near impossible.

#5 Your Old Identity

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”

— Patrick Rothfuss

During your life, you form your identity, your character, and who you are. It’s a never-ending process.

Your identity determines your behavior, your actions, and your thinking. You might see yourself as chill, disciplined, funny, or smart.

The problem is that a lot of people are stuck in their identity. That’s just who I am. Typing this sentence alone makes me shiver.

Do you think I was born with crazy discipline and that’s why I made it through all the hardships and suffering that depleting your body to unhealthy bodyfat percentages brings? Ha, wishful thinking. It took me more than six years to get to that level. On the way, I dropped alcohol, partying, tons of friends, and a few social activities.

Saying that is just who I am even though you’d like to be different is accepting your fate. It’s giving up on life.

Here is the thing about your identity. You can change it. It’s formable and moldable. But it requires two steps.

First, you have to be willing to let go of your old identity. You aren’t an unfocused and unstructured person. You just haven’t learned how to maintain focus and bring structure into your life yet.

Second, you need to step out of your comfort zone to shape your new identity. Do you want to become a socially savvy person with great conversation skills? Go out, talk to people. Challenge yourself and leave your comfort zone. That’s where growth happens. That’s where you form your new identity.

#6 Comfort

“The most important actions are never comfortable.”

— Tim Ferriss

During the last weeks of the diet, my hunger got so bad that I couldn’t think straight. I would spend the little free time I had watching videos of donuts on YouTube because in some weird way, it would at least provide a little bit of satisfaction. I was putting together lists of all the things I’d eat once I was through with it all.

I can’t even count how many times I sat in the gym, my muscles burning and heart racing, tunnel vision, close to passing out. When I tried to get up the next morning I sunk back into the sheets because I was so sore from the workout.

Pain is the major driver of growth. Companies design new business models when competition gets tough. Muscles grow when you force them to work to almost failure. You perform best when you experience some stress.

Any change or growth you experience occurs outside your comfort zone. To achieve your dreams and goals, you have to be prepared to let go of comfort to a degree that feels painful. Don’t worry, it means you’re on the right track.

Improving your social skills will include awkward conversations. Becoming smarter and getting a promotion will include countless hours of work. Getting stage-ready includes turning down food even though my whole body screamed at me to eat it.

Step outside of your comfort zone — that’s where success happens.

The Big Day

After months of preparation and deprivations, the time had finally come. On 22nd May 2016, I woke up in the morning to see an absolutely chiseled body in the mirror.

Today was the day.

After two hours of driving, we got to the event’s location. I went through the check-in, weigh-in, got the number to stick on my posing shorts, and then spent some time laying down backstage.

With every minute that passed, I got more nervous. In about half an hour, I would be able to present the body I had worked so hard for during the last months. Hours of practicing my posing routine would finally pay off.

“Ten minutes!”

Everyone started moving and pumping blood into their muscles to make them look fuller and rounder. It was a bizarre sight, a large room full of jacked guys with chiseled faces and sunken cheeks.

Then it was time.

We stepped out on stage and went through the different poses. Front, side, and back view.

Go backstage, wait for an hour, then the callouts — posing again, but in smaller groups.

After that, we were all eagerly awaiting our placements.

We got called out again, this time to face the judges’ decision. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for. In a few seconds, we’d all know if the months of hard work, deprivations, and suffering were worth it.

I was realistic and didn’t expect a top placement — there were too many other guys bigger than me.

But when my place was announced, it hit me like a train.

I placed last.

Not fifth, tenth, or anything else remotely acceptable. Out of 16 competitors, I placed last.

Within seconds, I went from flying high to down to earth. Months of preparation, effort, money, and time spent — for nothing.

#7 Outcome Dependence

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Fail again. Fail better.”

— Samuel Beckett

It was at this point, when I suffered my biggest defeat to this day, that I learned my most valuable lesson about success.

You have to let go of the outcome.

Success doesn’t depend on someone putting a medal around your neck. Sometimes, you can do everything right and still fail. Don’t let that hold you back.

The key to success is to work independently of the outcome and purely for the sake of it. It’s about doing everything you can, but knowing fully well that you might fail.

If you let yourself be defined by the outcome, you rob yourself of the ability to keep going when things go south. Only when you let go of the result, you can keep going despite failure.

I’d never be where I am in life right now if I let that outcome define me. I wouldn’t be able to come up with the courage to start other big projects like writing because I would let my fear of failure hold me back.

Although on that day I lost the competition, I won at life. I learned some of the most valuable lessons I ever learned. I learned to overcome myself and the hurdles I put in my own way.

When you tie yourself to the outcome, you make your success, happiness, and wellbeing dependent on external factors.

Free yourself of the outcome instead. Give it your best effort and do everything you can for the sake of it. If it works out, great. If you fail, you can still be fucking proud of yourself for doing everything you could.

Try again, and fail better.

Success Requires Sacrifice

You can’t have everything in life. To achieve your dreams, you will have to sacrifice the behaviors, actions, and things that stand in your way.

You’ll have to sacrifice the feeling of fitting in for rising above.

You’ll have to sacrifice meaningless distractions for meaningful work.

You’ll have to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term results.

You’ll have to sacrifice people who don’t add value to your life for the ones who do.

You’ll have to sacrifice your old identity for your new one.

You’ll have to sacrifice comfort for growth.

You’ll have to sacrifice the outcome for success.

The hardest part of success isn’t what you have to do. It’s what you have to let go of to get out of your own way.

Now that you know what’s holding you back, you’re only one step away from living your dream life.

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