5 Uncomfortable Truths That Improve Your Relationships
This is your roadmap to your best partnership.
I wouldn’t go back in time to teach my younger self how to avoid mistakes in relationships.
People are our best teachers. Failed relationships are a treasure chest of lessons, wisdom, and self-reflection.
However, I would craft a roadmap to know myself better before entering any relationship.
Well, here it is. Better late than never, right?
A short guideline to your best self before jumping into a relationship:
Know How to Hold Yourself.
We shower others with love, yet we don’t give ourselves the affection we deserve. We fail at loving ourselves.
We mistake the other person for our life support, holding a tight grasp on relationships. No wonder we forget how to take care of ourselves.
When you hold on to someone for dear life, your hands are full. You have no resources left for taking care of yourself or growing into the best version. Your hand are busy holding somebody you fear to let go of.
What we fear losing will be our downfall.
The more desperate you feel, the more the other person can sense it.
You end up suffocating the relationship because of your desperate approach. It is not love. It is the recipe for codependence caused by fear. And where fear resides, broken hearts follow.
People don’t disappoint us. We let ourselves down.
What we resist, we persist.
— Carl Jung
Right?
Know How to Be Alone.
Tale as old as times. To avoid feeling lonely, people cling to relationships.
Yet, the lesson that goes unnoticed is the intention behind entering any relationship.
When you step into a partnership to escape loneliness, the exact relationship will make you feel even more isolated.
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
— Robin Williams
The intention behind every action is what we promote and receive as a result.
Embracing solitude is the best lifehack ever.
It allows you to find yourself. It makes you confident and resourceful.
It is not that you don’t want the relationship. You don’t need it to thrive.
There is a common misconception that being alone is everyone’s worst nightmare. Many people fail to realize that you can also be lonely when surrounded by people. Especially when you fail to feel comfortable with who you are.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a partnership. We all want to be loved.
But it becomes destructive when you condition the quality of your life, whether you are single or not.
Know What You Want From a Relationship.
And never settle for less.
Think about the relationships of your life, not necessarily romantic ones, but the bond with your parents or friends.
What are the fundamental values of a partnership that are non-negotiable for you?
- Is it honesty?
- Room for authenticity?
- Knowing you can call that person at 1 a.m. sharing your darkest thoughts?
What values, from the ones you enumerated, have been met in your previous romantic relationships?
Are you making excuses for your partner when your needs are not satisfied?
You see, we tend to hold our romantic partners on a pedestal, forgetting we deserve that number one spot.
Know the qualities you appreciate in your partnerships, and never lower your standards.
Never forget how rare you are.
Know Your Worth.
We settle for relationships we think we deserve.
Everyone suffers from the nagging thought of “I am not enough”. Some people more than others.
Having self-sabotaging thoughts is nothing to be ashamed of. The crucial part is not to let them overrule your decisions.
Become aware of the chatter of your mind. Make peace with it. Don’t fight it.
When you turn down the volume of your monkey mind, you can see through the illusion of your limiting beliefs.
Knowing you deserve the best prevents you from settling for the mediocre.
Internal nourishment is modern currency.
Speak kindly to yourself. Smile at the reflection in the mirror. Treat your body with care. Nourish your soul through the content you read, watch and listen to.
Love yourself so much to the point that your energy and aura rejects anyone who doesn’t know your worth.
— Billy Chapata
When you elevate your self-worth, you promote the highest level of self-love. That kind of energy is magnetic.
When you know your worth, nobody’s behaviour can threaten your peace of mind.
Own Your Reactions.
Your surroundings are not responsible for your life satisfaction.
Your reaction to people and events determine the quality of your life.
Nobody can control how you feel. If you allow the external world to control your happiness, you become limited to the environment you were born into. — It is a flat-out lie.
Humans are limitless. We are that powerful.
If you get to self-regulate your emotions before anyone else can influence them, you get to be happy, resilient, and kind regardless of the external environment.
The only way to manage your emotional response is through self-awareness.
Instead of reacting and giving your power away, you take responsibility for how you respond to others.
The answer to every solution is inside you. So stop looking for validation on the outside.
If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.
— Eckhart Tolle
Relationships are not as complicated as we make them.
Yes, they require work, self-awareness, and honesty.
But when you cultivate those qualities in a relationship with yourself. Then relationships with others blossom organically.
Once you clean your vibes, you attract the right tribe.
Thank you for being here, — Kate
