I Am Alone. But I Am Not Lonely.

Why having coffee by yourself is your best investment.

Whenever somebody asks me: Don’t you feel lonely being single?

I reply: I am alone. But I am not lonely.

I can see that my comfort with being alone makes people uncomfortable.

There is a common misconception that being alone is everyone’s worst nightmare.

Many people fail to realize that you can also be lonely when surrounded by people.

After years of navigating through relationships, I have grown to appreciate the time spent on my own, and I have never felt more complete or loved than I do now — alone.

Do you want to know why I feel good alone?

It’s because I feel comfortable with my thoughts. I appreciate living life on my terms.

Having my morning coffee alone is my best time investment. It allows me to reflect on where I am and in which direction I want to go.

Having a clear purpose in life drives my motivation.

I don’t intend to waste time and energy wondering who should I be for others so that they will accept me. I want to figure out who I am without the crowd.

Loneliness and being alone are two different things, and the presence or absence of other people in my life does not determine the level of my happiness.

Nowadays, the quantity of friends is far more glamorized than the quality of your relationships.

But making space for yourself is key to navigating life effortlessly.

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

— Blaise Pascal

Pascal’s observation doesn’t advocate for running into solitude to escape the world. It invites us to look within, so we can embrace the world peacefully and with understanding.

The real expertise comes from observing yourself.

Compassion is crucial in any partnership, but first, you need to learn how to feel for yourself before you can tune into the emotional needs of others.

Relationships of your life serve your growth. They make you thrive if you allow them.

Love and connection are crucial for our mental and physical well-being. But so is the ability to spend time alone.

When you don’t know who you are, it is easy to lose yourself among the sea of people. Learning how to be comfortable alone makes you a better human.

When you know yourself, you are better equipped to interact with the people in your life.

To beat loneliness, instead of running away from it, you need to face it.

That is what I have learnt after years of working through relationships that were meant to keep me happy — at least, according to my way of thinking.

At the time, I failed to understand that when you use other people to cover up deep insecurities, you will only delay healing.

You can stitch your wounds and traumas when facing the discomfort of feeling lonely and discovering that the compass you have been looking for outside has always been within you.

Don’t Buy into the Idea That You Are Not Good Enough on Your Own.

Being in a relationship is one of the most heavily-marketed accomplishments that society promotes.

We are constantly bombarded with propaganda to connect with others, find a match on a dating app, and bump into a soulmate to feel happy and complete.

It is a perfectly designed lie.

When you feel weak alone, you live in fear.

When you are afraid of ending up alone, you chase whatever is available.

You are an easy target for manipulation. The media and the advertising business thrive on your insecurities.

Don’t rely on likes and comments to feed you with the love you deserve. That is not love. It is a downward form of manipulation through dopamine bursts.

When you are preoccupied with chasing after the external, you miss what is flourishing inside you.

To grow, you have to face your fears. Roaming a unique path is the hallmark of resourceful people.

Get candid about what you want.

The only person who can dictate your preferences is yourself.

When you dial down the buzz of the world, you get to focus on the direction your soul craves.

If you feel like you lack something, dig deeper. What is it that you want?

Do you think you want the next relationship? Think again.

Why do you need that relationship? To feel loved or appreciated?

Don’t chase a partner to make you feel alive. You will starve yourself if external validation is all you need.

You don’t want a relationship. You want to feel loved and secure. And companionship is supposed to provide the missing pieces.

Be a Producer of Your Life, Not a Consumer.

The main reason you feel lonely is that you’re failing to love yourself.

When you expect somebody else to fulfil your needs, and those expectations fall short, you end up feeling frustrated, depressed and lonely.

But when you feel complete on your own, you are empowered to take responsibility for your life instead of expecting somebody else to run it.

Self-love is not only bubble baths and days spent in bed.

Self-love is also facing the deepest traumas of your childhood and learning to appreciate where you are today, even if it is not the place you have imagined ten years ago.

If you cannot meet yourself in total honesty, it will be difficult to hold space and go deep with others

The moment you start accepting yourself, you become immune to loneliness.

You know how to love. You usually give the cosmic, all-consuming kind of love to others, but forget to nourish it yourself.

Love yourself to the degree that nobody else can offer you a greater force than yourself.

What Are You Afraid to Face?

Running away from quality ‘me’ time says a lot about the relationship with yourself.

Are you afraid of what might come up if you sit still? Do you worry about what people might think if you order a table for one?

I have news for you: people are preoccupied with their shit and don’t pay attention to you as much as you think they do.

Instead of scattering your energy on others, invest in yourself.

Take yourself out for lunch.

Sit alone in the park. Take your coffee to-go and continue on that book you have been dying to finish.

Carve out time in the evening to re-evaluate your day. Where was your focus? Did you manage to accomplish the small goals you have set for yourself?

How do you feel sitting alone in your room while everyone is out, posting pictures of themselves going wild? Do you feel like you’re missing out?

If yes, that’s a tell-tale sign of not accepting where you are.

And to move ahead, you need to accept yourself fully. The authentic you is the most attractive you.

Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone.

In the midst of this you will learn about yourself.

You will grow, you will learn what inspires you. You will cultivate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity.

And when you do meet the right person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it because you are sure of yourself.

— Bianca Sparacino

Embracing solitude makes for a liberating way of living.

No more chasing. No more dwelling in the energy of lack.

You feel at peace because you don’t need others to fuel your love for life.

When you reach that level of confidence, you start cultivating stable and reliable relationships with others. Knowing you don’t need others to feel happy is one of the best life hacks you can create.

My neighbour lives alone. He is an older guy. Sometimes I watch him taking care of his dog, cats, and garden.

With empathy, I wonder if he ever feels lonely. Then I catch myself that if I don’t feel lonely, then maybe he, too, chose this life in solitude and did not settle for anything less than what he wanted.

Some people thrive in solitude. Others desire to connect. Both needs are valid.

Embracing solitude is a skill that makes life easier.

Do I want a loving relationship? Yes, I do. But not any relationships. Until the partnership enters my life, I plan to enjoy every minute of my alone time as much as I can.

Vibe alone for a while. You will realize a lot.

Thank you for being here, — Kate