5 Traits of a Good Cuffing Season Partner
These winter lovers are most likely to keep you warm and satisfied
There’s still a way to go before the winter ends, so if you’re thinking about getting someone to keep you warm at night for the duration of the season, you still have some time. But even though cuffing season relationships are generally just for the short term, that doesn’t mean you want to bundle up with just anybody. What should you look for in a cuffing season partner? I asked some sex and relationship experts for their opinions and these are the traits they suggested that people consider.
“You want to attempt to attach yourself to the best available quality person you cross paths with in the given time frame.” — Kevin Darné
The Communicator
It goes without saying that a lot of time with your cuffing season partner will be spent in the bedroom. But when you’re not heating up the sheets, you will have to come up for air and have a conversation at least occasionally. As a result, you definitely want someone who is a good communicator so you can enjoy your time together outside of the bedroom.
“Before getting into a relationship with anybody during the cuffing season, check out if the person can communicate well with you. You wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t relate well with you,” said Joseph Puglisi, CEO of Dating Iconic. “In a relationship, communication matters and it is best to look out for it before getting a partner.”
Also, if you really hit it off, you may consider pursuing something more long term, so the communication you share now will help build the foundation for a relationship later.
“Now might be the time to try one of these new types of relationships on for size.” — Dr. Sarah Hill
“Communication is key! When you meet someone who is easy to talk to and respects your wishes, is able to compromise in times of conflict, shares similar values, and makes you feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, that person is a keeper,” said Jaida Pervis, CEO and Founder of Flirting With Forever. “Open and honest communication is an important part of every relationship because it allows you to share who you are and what you need from the people around you.”
The Boundary Respecter
Just because you want someone around for a few weeks or months to experiment with sexually doesn’t mean that absolutely anything goes. To feel fulfilled, you still need someone who will respect your boundaries — even if it’s only for a short time.
“The practice of honoring boundaries creates trust, so it’s a good test to see if things are working out well.” — Jaiya
“When we don’t know each other well and decide to enter into a short-term relationship, being clear about what we want to do, what we’re willing to do, and what we are a ‘no way’ to can create safety for everyone involved,” said Jaiya, Sexologist and Founder and Creator of The Erotic Blueprints. “Safety is an essential ingredient for any kind of partnering. What do you consent to playing with emotionally, physically, or sexually? What are you not interested in exploring? You could set up a four-week agreement and then renegotiate it after you’ve gotten to know each other better. The practice of honoring boundaries creates trust, so it’s a good test to see if things are working out well. Being explicit about boundaries gives you something concrete to test against, and hold each other to account with.”
And of course, these boundaries extend outside of the bedroom. A good cuffing season partner will ideally want to spend the right amount of time with you, and not cling to you like fully-formed ice on your driveway.
“A key thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to be with your person 24/7,” Pervis said. “Setting boundaries is a great way to communicate to your partner the specifics of what you need, but it also gives you each a little space to appreciate the time spent a bit more when you are together.”
The New Flavor
Trying something new may not be what you would usually do, but maybe for cuffing season, it’s time to look beyond your tried and true. Dr. Sarah Hill, research psychologist and author of This Is Your Brain on Birth Control*, suggests expanding your horizons by looking for a different type of partner to really get the most out of the relationship.
“Open and honest communication is an important part of every relationship because it allows you to share who you are and what you need from the people around you.” — Jaida Pervis
“Cuffing season can be a great time to try out a new type of relationship or new types of partners. For example, if you usually date only serious types, maybe now is the time to see what you think about someone who lives in the moment. The winter months can get pretty dreary, so spending time with a partner who is able to live in the moment and doesn’t take themselves too seriously can be a huge bright spot when it’s cold outside and the sun hasn’t come out for days,” Hill explained. “Or if you are someone who is used to dating only those within your same age range, you might consider trying out an age-gap relationship. Research finds that these types of relationships can produce lasting, meaningful connections. Now might be the time to try one of these new types of relationships on for size.”
The Potential Relationshipper
Many cuffing season relationships don’t outlive the thaw, but there is a possibility that they might. If you think that may be what you want, choose a partner with future relationship potential in case you’re not ready to take the cuffs off when the spring blossoms appear.
“You wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t relate well with you.” — Joseph Puglisi
“Bear in mind there is always a small chance a cuffing season partner situation may evolve into a serious emotional investment on your part,” said Kevin Darné, author of Online Dating Avoid The Catfish!: How To Date Online Successfully and Pump Your Brakes! How To Stop Having Bad First Dates. “Therefore, you want to attempt to attach yourself to the best available quality person you cross paths with in the given time frame.”
The Truth Teller
Who wants to deal with a liar, even if it is just for a few weeks? Honesty is still the best policy in cuffing season relationships, so choosing someone who values the truth can save you from numerous problems — some of which may actually outlive the relationship.
“This quality is essential for any relationship, short or long term. When partners can reveal what they want and need in a relationship, this gives everyone the opportunity to say ‘I can and want to provide that’ or ‘What you want is not something I can provide.’ Everyone gets a choice in the arrangement,” Jaiya said. “Also, transparency makes it less likely there will be unfortunate surprises — an old flame shows up to disrupt the current connection, or an STI was undisclosed and creates an unwanted health issue. When desires are not stated clearly, especially in a short-term relationship, expectations that were hidden may cause upset. Get it out on the table, like you’re making a sexy contract.”
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