Sexuality

4 Sexy Secrets To Talk Dirty Without Feeling Awkward

Start by keeping your mind wide open, baby.

Do you want to become a better lover?

Do you feel like your relationship is sexually stagnant, missing some spice?

If you answered yes to both questions, you might not know it yet, but becoming fluent in dirty language has the potential to rescue you from that and more, much more.

I may be generalizing, but quiet sex feels tragic. However, great sex with the wrong words is even worst. That’s what girl’s night-out jokes are entirely made of. Sorry!

Maybe I’m the only one crazy enough to admit it, but I know that the wrong set of dirty words can make you quickly zip up your pants and run away with the bra still in your hand.

Afterward come the laughs, the crying, perhaps a combination of both, but rarely a successful second chance.

Now, imagine you could elicit pleasure in your partner without having to move a finger. Better yet, turn your date on just by uttering the right words.

Dirty talking is the right way to get you out of those old-fashioned immaculate, flat, and boring prairies of sexual ennui. Let’s discover what passionate, well-lubricated sex looks and sounds like.

Shall we?

“Dirty talking is risking being intimate with another person’s mind.”

Do you want more? I know you do.

You want more, but you’re too afraid to ask. Perhaps, you’re ashamed to explain in detail how you want to be touched, how you want to be seduced.

We fantasize about what’s forbidden and use the adjective “dirty” to relieve some of the guilt generated by sexual empowerment.

Unfortunately, that attitude toward sex is what’s preventing us from reaching unknown sensations of pleasure.

Did you know women moan during sex mainly as a way to boost their partner’s confidence? As shocking as it may sound, solo female masturbation is much quieter.

I can attest to that.

In that sense, sexual chit-chat could go either way. It can distract your partner from peaking, as well it can guide them to climaxing. Its final goal is to shut down all the stressors, forcing ourselves to enjoy the here and now through satisfaction.

“Use moaning as a way of signaling that you are excited and things really are feeling good, not as a way to hide that they aren’t.” — Patty Brisben

And you can be the one narrating that journey.

I’d even go so far as to say that dirty talking can be the one thing saving your sex life from an eternity of boredom, crisis, and even cheating. That’s how powerful dirty talking can become when you do it right.

That’s because our brain, not our skin, is the most vital organ to be tickled during sex. Yes, no matter how great you’re at giving a BJ or how hot your body is, nothing will work if your partner’s mind isn’t in the game.

So how to lure them into the rush of pleasure you have prepared for them?

How to crack the code that’ll unlock their private part’s pleasure language?

1. Start by avoiding this common mistake:

If you’re looking for the best way to talk dirty without sounding stupid, the recipe for success is: never assume you know it all.

There’s no magical recipe that will work on everyone. Well, my bad, there actually is something that will work.

Despite cultural differences, which country you’re from, language barrier, or gender: ask your sexual partner what they like.

Talk about it! Consent is not only about getting into someone else’s pants. It’s also about avoiding stepping over someone else’s traumas and triggers by mistake.

Dirty talking is the conversational version of oral sex.

• How intense would you like the chat to get?
• How naughty do you want me to be?

For example, If you think that all Latinas love to be called “Mami,” you’re in for a surprise that will confront you with the cultural misconceptions you might have.

Another bad idea is believing you can call everyone a slut. That one will undoubtedly close many doors, cross numerous pairs of legs, and kill newbie relationships in a heartbeat.

People can fantasize about being spanked, humiliated, and punished but simultaneously have an innate disgust for the word “pussy”.

You can be the dirtiest talker on earth without cursing and, even though I personally find cursing incredibly arousing (anyone else had a Catholic upbringing? say “Aye!”), I encourage you to discuss all the details with your partner first.

“Couples with sexual problems who express dissatisfaction with their sexual relationships are likely to report a lack of communication and poor sexual expression” — Pazmany

2. Figuring that list out can be an exciting game:

• Do you like it if I call you my sex slave?
• Do you like it if I say I’m going to screw your brains out?
• I’ll drill you so hard you will never forget me.

Dirty talking is not about building a generic repertoire of words to use with all your flings. Instead, it’s about developing the skills to connect with each of them on a deeper, sexier level.

That’s exactly the point I’m trying to drive home through this essay. According to this study on couple’s communication and sexual satisfaction desire, motivation and pleasure are deeply entangled with the frequency, quality, and freedom to discuss your sexual life with your partner.

That means that continuous sexual gratification is about sharing pleasurable sensations with a person that will remain exciting and new, no matter how long you have been married to them.

We all have a secret list of phrases and words that will work wonders and others that will get us dry as a bone.

Once you have agreed on what’s in and out of the discussion, write a basic script to help you overcome the stage fright together.

Waiting to put it into practice will be the hardest part.

Dirty talking is not about building a generic repertoire of words to use with all your flings. Instead, it’s about developing the skills to connect with them on a deeper, sexier level.

3. It’s time to be as naughty as you can:

If you’re trying to talk dirty without sounding fake, avoid generics.

I know that several guides on the subject will give you “magic formulas” with phrases that are remarkably unimpressive, proving how unbelievably conservative our society is when it comes to sex.

One thing is to say you need to get elbow deep into your partner’s unconscious to dig up stuff that will arouse them for weeks, and a completely different story is labeling “do you know how much I want to kiss you” as dirty talking.

How can someone consider that dirty? Sinful, punishable? No wonder there are so many people wishing they could have sex with someone else.

If you want to convince your partner to engage in any new sexual practice, even if it’s just talking, the first thing to do is knock down prejudices from your mindset.

If you don’t, you might end up so repressed, estranged from each other’s sexual, filled with bitterness and guilt.

As I have said before, the only way to prevent bad sex is by learning how to communicate your desires freely.

4. Enjoy your sexuality:

To enjoy audible sexuality, you need to keep it real.

The idea that you’re going to consistently work on reaching a deeper voice range to seduce a woman isn’t just pretentious; it’s kind of hilarious.

If a person consent to sleep with you, they find you attractive. Your voice isn’t a problem. It’s how you use that voice that can get you in trouble.

If you’re planning to go for it tonight, follow this simple advice, and you’ll be on cue:

• You are not ordering a fast-food delivery. Instead, go for the sultry, seductive tone of your voice.
• When possible, whisper in their ears. Then, enunciate each word in detail.
• Compliment your partner’s physique, taste, and skills with subtlety: exaggerations will put the person on alert, making them reflect on the authenticity of your words. Worst yet, it will make them think about their insecurities.
• Describe an intimate moment you lived together. This will help you recreate erotic details and give authenticity to the sexual encounter.
• Take the time to enjoy it.

I can’t stress this enough, but watching porn together is a priceless tool to know each other’s preferences, even when it comes to words. However, leave the role-play and name-calling for when you both feel more comfortable with this new flavor.

Still, feeling shy?

Try heavy breathing into your partner’s ear, whispering the sensations you’re going through, the arousal of touching their skin, how much you like how they taste, and keep exploring how far you can stretch your comfort zone.

What is dirty talking really about?

Dirty talking is daring to take the risk of being intimate with another person’s mind.

It reveals the real you.

The one that isn’t afraid to let themselves go and enjoy sex.

It connects you with your needs while adding an almost magical taste to a conversation.

It is an exchange of words that goes beyond technicalities and coitus. It keeps on going afterward when you’re sweaty, ecstatic, complete.

That open dialogue is what’s going to guide you to press the necessary buttons to activate the pleasure of your partner. And, in return, it is what will allow you to improve your sexual life through deep, subliminal penetration.

Flick your partner’s imagination, stimulate the trust, and you’ll finally discover all the unexplored potential that was hidden in your tongue.

Will you get dirty tonight? That’s a seriously arousing question.

Why wait? You could try sexting too.

Want to learn more about the publishing industry? Then, check out “Anatomy of a book,” our collaborative guide with all the tricks you need to get your ideas out there, finally.