Sexuality

Can Bad Sex Be Fixed?

Five myths that are ruining your sex life.

Have you ever been naked with a person that doesn’t seem to understand how sex works? What’s supposed to be wet is getting dryer and dryer. What’s supposed to be hard lies as defeated as the sexual desire that guided you there.

Can bad sex ruin a relationship? Of course, it can. But guess what: bad sex can be fixed. Most of the time, you can find the solution with a couple of drinks and an honest conversation.

This article is not an ode for masturbation, nor does it seeks to promote that you end things with your current partner. Instead, it is an operations manual to improve your sex life by demystifying certain erroneous beliefs.

How to enjoy bad sex? Well, a good starting point is to accept that we are all in a continuous learning process. And this article is all about that: communication, lubrication, and mutual satisfaction.

1. “Penetration is what makes sex great!”

That’s the most counterproductive myth.

Whereas guys can think having a freakishly large organ will help, the reality is sex isn’t just about penetration. That phallocentric mindset is what’s making sex boring for everyone.

Penetration is always better after enjoying being naked, limitless, and curious together: A.K.A. Foreplay.

Actually, Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, conducted a survey among members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in Canada and the United States. Their results clear that interrogation for everyone:

“The interquartile range for the sex therapists’ opinions regarding an “adequate” length for ejaculatory latency was from 3 to 7 minutes; “desirable” from 7 to 13 minutes; “too short” from 1 to 2 minutes; “too long” from 10 to 30 minutes.” — Corty and Guardiani

This suggests that the sweet-spot for penetration sex goes between 3–13 minutes. That’s why licking, massaging, and biting your couple’s earlobes gently is a great way to set the right mood before those exciting 10 minutes of average intercourse.

Why?

Because we live in an era that pushes physical contact into the corner, even before COVID, receiving a hug was a rare social experience. Erogenous zones aren’t exclusively located in the genitalia.

We crave physical contact. Currently, having in-person sex is one of the few opportunities to unleash our animal side. Take that chance to really enjoy every bit of the experience.

Even though being somewhat selfish is essential to reaching a sexual climax, giving others pleasure will get you more action.

Try to focus on her neck, legs, feet! Those forgotten areas are the most susceptible to trigger excitement when being stimulated.

We are mammals. We lust skin contact, be held, loved, and even pampered from time to time. We want to connect with others, not being used as inflatable toys.

Well, not always.

2. “Size is everything”:

It does matter, just not in the way you think.

One of the factors that influence male sexual performance is self-confidence. Feeling shame over your penis size causes both bedroom problems and regrettable gym subscriptions.

Now, if you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship and you happen to have an average penis, this is your lucky day.

A scientific study run by the UCLA Psychiatry Department found women prefer medium to small-sized penises to settle down:

“Women may prefer a smaller penis size in a long-term partner compared to a one-time partner for reasons of both physical comfort and a preference for less masculinity in a long-term partner.” — Nicole Prause

As you can see, we only go after XL penises for occasional, memorable sex we can text our friends about with details.

Feeling more confident now? Apart from having commitment issues that can ruin this good news for you: if you have a smaller penis, you’re on the A list for long-term relationships.

Why?

A colossal penis equals larger amounts of testosterone, and though that might seem attractive at first sight, it’s not as fun in the long run.

Instinctively, women are going after more sensitive and caring men to raise kids together. Larger amounts of testosterone make people more irritable, aggressive, and sex-driven. A combination that sounds amazing to spend only a weekend in a skiing resort. But, spending life together? Not so much.

3. “Numbers are important”:

One of the first traps we all get caught is that “sleeping with many people makes you a better lover.” Well, large numbers can also mean you’re very attractive with a small-rate of recurring lovers. Why would that be?

Are you starting to date someone new? When it comes to business below the belt, you should always start with the idea that you don’t know everything about sex.

That will allow you to explore and rediscover sexuality with each sexual partner. Play with new elements, try new positions, enjoy yourself in search of mutual pleasure.

Why?

Because the pressure, intensity, pattern, and rhythm that each person enjoys is unique. One of the things great lovers have in common is curiosity. The lust to know and deepen the other’s desires will take you far. I can assure you of that.

No matter how experienced you are, allowing yourself to feel fascinated by every person you have sex with could turn you into a legend.

4. “Some people are great at sex, some aren’t”:

We’ve all come a long way since licking bananas in high school and unhooking our mom’s bras put on pillows.

We race to sex, thinking that practicing can make you a great lover in the long run. The reality is we all have had bad days. But, what that really means is that we all have encountered sexual partners we weren’t compatible with after all.

Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.

Alec Baldwin

Not trying to point fingers, but sexual chemistry plays an essential part in a relationship. Having the same interests means nothing when your special someone doesn’t enjoy the type of sex you crave.

Why?

Intimacy and physical connection need at least two people. To have great sex with your partner, you both have to build a bridge of trust, sexual generosity, and openness to experiment with new sensations.

Your sex life changes a lot when you understand that you aren’t, and never will be, an expert. Indeed, we accumulate experience, but we don’t know jack sh*t about a person we just met.

No matter how much porn you’ve watched or people you’ve crossed off your list. Every new sexual partner is a whole different world.

Think about it, how can we lay naked next to someone and still hide so many secrets about our kinks? For some, there’s a bunch of personal issues preventing them from enjoying their sex life.

For others, they feel awkward about explaining every dark and kinky detail of their fantasies. I previously wrote about how to talk about your sex life to get great results. Yet, couples therapy is always a life-saving option for relationships that don’t seem to find pleasures on common ground.

A relationship is about sharing and giving. Intimacy and attachment issues can create tremendous bedroom chaos when not addressed properly.

But it does take two to tango. Work on owning your body, your fantasies, and sexual pleasure. That way, you can create an environment that helps your partner let you play an active role in their kinks with them.

5. “Pornography is an accurate guide for sex”:

Let me start by saying: I LOVE PORN.

Porn is a fantastic outlet for sexual fantasies that stimulate both hormones and imagination. Also, the pornography industry fulfills a valuable social task.

Nevertheless, I think many exploitative practices in the adult-entertainment industry need to be put to an end. But that’s a topic to discuss at another time.

But you know how some people believe in Yoda’s existence and UV glowing vampires? Well, those same kinds of people think women like to have sex wearing 6-inch plastic stiletto heels and can put their knees behind their ears.

For this last myth that’s ruining your sexual life, we will burst the final bubble:

• Porn stars are actors that get paid to perform.
• The pornography filmmaking industry portrays fantasies in the most realistic way possible.
• Porn stars go through considerable training to put up the show you’re witnessing.
• No, not all women want to have sex with three men for three straight hours.
• No, not all women want to have sex with their best female friend.
• No, not all men would feel comfortable gang-banging a stranger.

Why?

“What’s the problem with that? I know the difference between a movie and real-life,” you might say. Well, the thing is that higher levels of exposure to this content fade the difference and appreciation from what’s real and what’s not.

And not just a little bit. The relationship with our bodies is influenced by what we accept as real. From religion to mainstream porn, the information we consume plays a role in our sex lives.

But, if you do a little research, you will find infinite options, videos, and styles that seek to cater to a market of different tastes. All bodies have an audience. All fetishes have a place in cyberspace.

Yet, sometimes we’re so immersed in denying our self-worth that we fail to detect how attractive we are to others. Has it happened to you that you understand a person was hitting on you years later, but you never got it? Then you know what I’m talking about now.

Although real beauty lies in accepting yourself as you are, we are in a constant race to improve things that, perhaps, are fine as they are.

It is almost impossible to enjoy sex with another person when we don’t accept ourselves. So stop comparing yourself and your partners with pornstars and movies!

Unless you plan to go into the amateur partner-program of an adult video website, there’s no need to ruin real sex with all that extra-pressure.

Dare to enjoy the best bad sex of your life:

Suppose your partner doesn’t roll their eyes while screaming unintelligible words in Latin every time she comes. Instead, she prefers to mutter a quiet “Uhm” when having an orgasm.

THAT’S OK! Not everyone is loud when reaching climax.

What to do if your sexual partner doesn’t enjoy getting dressed as a Fireman that will shower you with his big hose? That can change! Offer to dress as a nurse, or whatever his fantasy is, to create an atmosphere of playfulness in your bedroom.

Bad sex can be fixed with respect and proficient use of your communication skills.

Is bad sex a reason to break up?

Even if you have shared a bed with the same person for years, their tastes can change over time. The only way to know whether you are a good lover is, first of all, by asking.

• Would you like us to try something new?
• Are you satisfied with our sex life?
• Is there anything that you feel could improve?

For couples who are getting to know each other, the task is even more challenging. Yes, generalizing is a practical cognitive process. Its function is to reduce uncertainty, thus allowing us to comprehend reality with less anxiety.

But, let me tell you one last thing:

Each body is unique and responds differently to certain stimuli.

For most women, clitoral stimulation is essential in achieving an orgasm. Although penetration is fun and can increase arousal, the ultimate way to please a larger percentage of women will always be at the tip of your tongue.