Five Strategies To Boost Your Dating Confidence
Understanding the basics of desire and sexual attraction
Desire is a mischievous force.
We tend to pursue our love interest passionately. But when that “perfect” someone turns us down we lose not only our motivation but our self-confidence as well.
Coping with romantic rejection can take years or even decades for us trying to figure what went wrong.
To make matters worse, feelings of inadequacy and shame kick in, shattering our self-esteem in the process.
But, what would you say if I tell you that you can avoid that emotional rollercoaster by embracing your last romantic failure?
How would you deal with rejection if you handled it like an opportunity to grow? This five-step method will teach you exactly that: dating resilience.
Let’s start by saying that it requires self-awareness and lots of practice.
An irresistible force of attraction:
The first step in learning how to cope with rejection is understanding that we aren’t all after the same thing. We are creatures fueled by different concepts of what’s desirable and appealing.
As you may already know, sexual attraction is somewhat tricky. Arousal is entangled with infinite peculiarities that make each person unique — rescuing your individuality demands that you understand what you do and don’t like.
Who but you to take control over your sex appeal?
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost
It all starts at childbirth:
Desire is one of the first sensations we experience — the desire to eat, feel protected, the satisfaction of being full- from that moment on, we develop tastes, preferences… and all sorts of sexual kinks.
The central theme is that the same day desire emerges, rejection reared its ugly head. Some even reject themselves, and others only mingle with people that share the same vibe, looks, and tastes.
Desire’s core is, almost always, the urge to have more of what we like. Whatever that might be, which is different for everyone.
Therefore we live trying to reach new goals that we previously considered unattainable. We are billions of human beings looking for personalized forms of pleasure.
The conjunction of our desire for someone who also wants us is known as sexual attraction.
Desiring someone who doesn’t feel attracted to us is, rather unfairly, referred to as “getting put in the friend zone.”
But just as we can accept that we are not attracted to every person we meet, it would be ludicrous to think that every person we meet is attracted to us.
Easy right? Still, how do you cope with something like that?
Personally not personal:
Why didn’t that person find you attractive? We’ll never know. Unless a person honestly explains why they don’t see you as a suitable mate, we can only guess.
If you insist on finding the answer to such a personal question on your own, you’ll end up throwing a pity party, banging on the walls built by the issues within your own psyche.
Reasons to be rejected? There are thousands you can’t control!
There are occasions when a person isn’t in the right emotional place to pursue a new relationship or communicate their sexual desire.
Many times people are only after sex, no strings attached.
Others have personal stuff to work on before committing to a new relationship.
Sometimes it is the vibe you’re putting out there or the occasional case of some random thing like:
“I only go for people with blue eyes.”
And you happen to have beautiful green almond-shaped eyes that would melt the heart of any other person… just not your crush.
Granted, you may be thinking- “Wait for a second! There are millions of cases of people who persevered and conquered that special reluctant someone, though…”
And you would be right!
How they did it? They coped with rejection by accepting that there’s a whole world of possibilities to tackle.
Most of them insisted on proving that, after all, there’s more than meets the eye, as well as the unconscious desires leading our sense of attraction.
Sex is nothing but a fantasy:
Some dare to admit their wishes and live their fantasies in the open. It only takes some curiosity and internet access to know:
ALL BODY TYPES HAVE AN AUDIENCE.
What one person finds lusciously attractive may be less attractive to others.
Letting stereotypes guide your self-esteem is a slippery slope in which perspective is far more valuable than surgery. Have you had trouble experiencing attraction for someone that your friends would disapprove of?
Conformity can get you everyone’s acceptance at the risk of giving up your true appetites. Why is it so difficult for us to accept that we cannot attract/please, everyone?
Accept that rejection as part of life, and you’ll be able to ask a person out without fearing your universe will implode.
The greatest part of rejection is that it can point you in the right direction to find a person who likes you back.
Five steps to cope with not fitting into their fantasy:
These are five strategies to work on your self-esteem and spark that hidden sex-appeal:
1. Make a list of the things you like about yourself:
Gratitude is a great way to change your mindset. Put together a list of all the things that you love about yourself:
- Passionate about Mediterranean food.
- Digital Nomad living abroad.
- Like to write and read.
- Zombie movies expert.
That’s a unique combination, and so are you. Now risk going further.
Have you always liked tango? Take some classes and allow yourself to start enjoying new experiences. What about writing a podcast about zombies?
Working on yourself by doing what you love is sexy AF.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others:
There is no point in doing so. Life is not a competition, and no, we are all struggling with different stuff. When you’re focusing on reaching your goals, you don’t have time to compare yourself to others.
What are your goals? What is your purpose?
Having the roadmap clear will boost your self-confidence and ability to select what and who can contribute to achieving that dream.
Yes, you get to be picky too.
3. Stop being so afraid:
Dare to try new things. Stop caring so much for what others may think and ask yourself how to live your life to the fullest.
Yes, these are challenging times, but life goes on. You have to take control of how you feel and think.
A body language that communicates openness paired with emotional availability is far more attractive than its opposites.
Remember, nobody likes to be pushed away, and if your fears make you look distant, cold, and unavailable, it will be quite difficult for you to attract numerous offers.
4.Accepting that rejection is not the end of things.
Nobody’s perfect, and there’s no such thing as “perfect love.” Expectations are daily crush by the relentless cruelty of facts.
Do you know how some people can go through life “Tindering” their troubles away without fearing rejection?
That’s because they are approaching relationships as if it was playing the lottery. Buying a ticket doesn’t guarantee success.
Having a romantic interest in someone does not ensure you hit the jackpot each time.
But he/she is perfect! No, they are not. They are imperfect humans making their best, and so should you.
5. Is there something you could improve?
Yes, there is. If you don’t recognize things about yourself that could improve, you are not paying attention. Is there a toxic relationship pattern that you repeat endlessly?
Something that you would like to work on your personality, on your appearance? Go for it! Stop making excuses and work on changing the goddam thing.
The sexual attraction is an individual parameter in which biology, personal stories, and social conditioning create unique desire recipes.
Experiencing arousal often begins with daring to accept your sex appeal as part of who you are.
Yes, improving your eating habits, working on your elasticity, increasing your stamina, exercising, and finding a life purpose is necessary.
We all need it! But remember: even when it comes to a diet, there are things our bodies crave or reject.
Still, I don’t want to get B-listed again:
Of course, rejection hurts. Nobody wants to be rejected. But the emotional pain that comes afterward is mostly fueled by your fears and insecurities.
Staying focused on your goals, practicing gratitude, and enjoying yourself guarantee that a simple rejection won’t tear apart your self-esteem.
Not everyone finds you attractive, you don’t find everyone attractive, and that’s just fine.
Now tell me, what do you like best about yourself? What achievements make you proud? Embrace your uniqueness, and others will see you for who you are:
Someone they can feel attracted, or not.
