Sexuality

Watching Porn Could Improve Your Sex Life

Let all your secret kinks out.

What type of porn do you like?

That simple question could save us lots of trouble in the long run. If only dating could be that easy. Sexual openness has increased over the years, but talking about your boudoir kinks and favorite porn stars is taboo.

My favorite porn actor is Nacho Vidal, in case you’re wondering. Nacho is a very sexy, intelligent, ambitious entrepreneur who works in Barcelona, ​​talking about ethics and raising awareness in the pornography industry.

He also sells perfume bottles that are reliable replicas of his most alluring body part. And, if I may say so, those bottles aren’t just for holding perfume.

Have I watched thousands of Nacho’s movies? Not really. I’m more attracted to his ideas and the rough way he approached life and female actresses alike. Watching porn is different for men and women because our sexual response works differently.

The female brain requires some context, whereas the male brain hunts novelty. That’s why men are more inclined to watch pornographic content, and women are more up to erotica literature.

Not that women don’t enjoy porn — we do! But typically, we tend to involve our sexual partners in this activity, thus getting aroused together while watching strangers.

Is watching porn a crime:

Yes, in some countries, watching porn is a crime.

Nevertheless, if such legislation were to be implemented in America, it would be necessary to put a fence around the whole continent, build one around Australia, extend it through Europe and throw away the key.

As Simon Lajeneusse once said, “guys who do not watch porn do not exist.”

Lajeunesse is a researcher from the University of Montreal who aimed to examine the effects erotic content could have in “porn virgin” males in their twenties.

Unsurprisingly, Simon couldn’t find any. Yet, his work clarifies certain aspects of pornographic consumption that we should consider:

• Single men consume pornographic content at least three times each week.
• When they are in a sexually active relationship, this average drops by almost 50%.
• In 90% of cases, men get their porn fix on the internet.
• Most men start watching porn when they are ten.
• The type of content they consume matches their sexual perception and identity. Some will get hooked on Girl-On-Girl action, and some won’t.
• Finally, enjoying pornographic content doesn’t “pervert” a person. Instead, it feeds their preexistent desires.

“Guys who do not watch porn do not exist.”

— Simon Lajeunesse

Watching porn makes you sexually violent?

If you are not attracted to bondage, the chances are that you won’t consume this type of content regularly. Meaning that watching pornographic BDSM content may make you curious, but if it doesn’t turn you on, it won’t suddenly get you into buying ropes, nipple clamps, or leather straight-jackets.

In that sense, pornographic content wouldn’t be a factor that triggers violence, sexual assaults, or depression. Neither is watching BDSM videos, don’t get me wrong.

I mean that violent behaviors are linked to personality disorders that aren’t exclusive to people who enjoy kinky or fetishistic videos.

Therefore, it wouldn’t be reasonable to attribute developing psychological problems to pornography consumption. Those issues would likely arise even in a world where this type of content wasn’t available.

Nevertheless, pornography can modify the brain of those who consume it in excess and even lead them to sexual health problems such as erectile dysfunction.

Wait! Watching porn affects my sex life?

It certainly does.

Not only does watch porn open your eyes to a large variety of ways to explore your sexuality, but it can also change how you feel about yourself.

Before watching porn, I felt ashamed of my sexual preferences and desires. Being raised in a traditional Latino household and schooled in a Catholic School wasn’t much help, either.

I’m not complaining, but listening to Mother Superior talking about keeping your knees closed was the ultimate contraceptive method ended up raising many doubts when you’re a curious teenager… and I happened to be a kinky catholic school girl.

I remember feeling ashamed for “being a freak.” Talking about my masturbation habits or pornography interests in therapy took me years. After “confessing my sins,” I felt like throwing up.

But my therapist didn’t escape her office in abject horror or called the cops on me. Instead, she nodded with her head and pointed out that my “perversions” were completely average, even normal considering my story, preferences, and personality.

In a way, I was a late bloomer into the world of pornography. That’s why, when I could finally have access to erotic content, I became unstoppable.

At first, I wanted to put my hands on everything available that could turn me on, and when you are 14, that pretty much encompasses anything. Then, one click after the other, I started exploring a large variety of videos, learning the keywords and content more suitable to the tastes of the person I was becoming.

Twenty years later, I know what kind of themes, websites, and materials I’m into, and I’m thrilled by the large number of options available.

Ranging from some hentai manga comics available in the street-corner store to having a blast with the infinite amount of erotica at your fingertips, the variation you can find these days is fantastic.

Do women enjoy watching porn?

Anonymity -if something like that still exists- allows you to enjoy your sexuality with unprecedented comfort. Most women look for erotic literature and pornographic content designed to build tension and explosive orgasms.

Nevertheless, the vast majority of pornographic content is conceived to captivate male’s attention. But there are enough options for everyone, and the quality improves every day.

Many of my girlfriends will faint if faced with the “do you enjoy porn?” question. Unfortunately, that’s a big problem.

According to studies, even though men watch porn more regularly than women, men feel guiltier to acknowledge their weird porn preferences.

Simultaneously, women who admit to watching porn regularly also feel more confident about it and don’t experience feelings of guilt or shame like men do.

Women who watch porn are also prone to involve their sexual partners in the ritual of watching strangers getting laid.

Am I addicted to porn?

Surprisingly, there’s a connection between being a “porn addict” and your perception of pornography. How’s that? People whose moral, religious, and ethical precepts oppose adult content enjoyment are more likely to perceive themselves as addicted to pornography.

This study evaluated the relationship between depression, shame, and pornographic content consumption, and the findings are fascinating.

The surveyed subjects who experienced greater feelings of guilt about sex were also those who perceived themselves as “sex addicts” and ended up developing depressive symptoms.

In this way, there is a possible relationship between negative feelings towards sexuality and the risk of developing suicidal thoughts.

Watching porn won’t help cure depression, but feeling guilty about it won’t do any good.

“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.”

— Aldous Huxley

Can I watch porn without limits?

Yes, but you shouldn’t.

Watching porn does change your brain when you’re addicted. Like Aristotle would say: you have to find balance. Every time you watch some hardcore, extreme, even amateur porn, your curiosity to look for novelty increases.

The thing is, your brain will keep hunting for pleasure, but it will also develop a “higher level of tolerance.” The more you consume novelty content during extended periods, the more your brain will crave action.

Your brain’s dopamine reward system changes in a vicious circle that pushes you to search for more content and generates less dopamine, therefore less satisfaction.

That explains why, at the beginning of your sex life, a swimsuit catalog was enough for you to reach climax. Nowadays, you could spend hours clicking from one website to the next without the desired satisfaction.

Of course, with age, we refine our tastes in our ever-expanding search for novelty. However, letting yourself fall into that trap can lead to “porn addiction” and sexual response problems such as erectile dysfunction.

Is porn addiction a mental health problem?

So far, porn addiction isn’t a diagnosable mental health disorder. Yet, it’s wrongfully believed that watching porn could cause depression. The fact is, that, like everything else in life, you got to have limits.

Voyeuristic excesses can jeopardize your most significant relationships, your work and affect your self-esteem. When masturbation is a compulsion, and you develop a need to watch porn instead of enjoying it, you’re getting hooked.

The critical factor in determining whether you’re addicted or not isn’t how much time you spend or the type of content you enjoy, but how your porn-watching habit affects other areas of your life.

A good rule of thumb to know if you’re addicted to porn would be asking yourself:

• Have I lost a job interview because I stayed home watching porn?
• Have I canceled dates or appointments to stay home masturbating to porn?
• How regularly do I watch adult videos?
• Do I need to watch pornographic videos every day?
• Do I constantly lie about my porn-watching habits?
• How much money am I spending on my porn subscriptions?

Just as “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” living solely on apples will probably kill you.

If you feel that watching porn is taking a toll on your life and relationships, consulting with a psychologist or counselor is an excellent first step towards an overall more satisfying life.

Is watching porn together bad for your relationship?

Let’s start with a premise: porn isn’t about genitals or naked human bodies. Porn lets us make peace with our sexual fantasies.

Adult movies have the purpose of evoking and unravel our most secret desires. The specificities, variants, and multiple options available help us realize we could enjoy ourselves in the “real world,” and most importantly, that we’re not alone in our kinks.

Watching porn together is a great tool to delve into our kinks and explore alternatives. Spicing up your sex life is about expanding your horizons within the limits of what is comfortable for you and your sexual partners.

Desire and sexual enjoyment are based on aversion and attraction. What is attractive to us serves a purpose: to feed our appetites.

A significant step towards sexual maturity is accepting that what we see on the screen is make-believe.

To record an anal sex scene, the actresses or actors spend several days fasting and enduring multiple enemas so they can be up to the show. That’s only a tiny part of what happens before they shoot several takes on a set, live, in front of a whole crew. Is that how your sex-life works? I think it’s safe to assume it isn’t.

In a couple’s sex life, real-life mistakes happen all the time. There’s also some planning, spontaneity, fluids, and sounds. There is no editing work or second takes, and sex works best when you do it with someone who can laugh at themselves.

However, until we try new things, we cannot know how wide the universe of options we could enjoy is. Try new toys, new positions, new forms of penetration!

Watch porn together, keeping in mind that, even though you guys aren’t porn stars, you are very welcome to enjoy your bodies.

There’s a whole naked world out there:

We have stigmatized sex in groups, with another person, and even in the intimacy granted by solitude — this narrowness results in tremendous feelings of guilt, shame, and sexual repression.

As long as the pornographic content you watch is consensual and legal, pornography doesn’t come with a moral compass that defines whether you’re naughty or not.

In a way, porn brings us closer. It allows us to know we are part of a community attracted to a specific type of erotic content. We can find clips to feed our most hidden desires because others share the same inclinations.

Fetishes, domination, orgies, you name it. You can find it all over the internet, and luckily, we are not the only weirdos looking for it. There’s no reason to be ashamed. Instead, look at it as the universe letting you know that you are not alone in your quest for pleasure.

You’re unique, just like everyone else.

Stay healthy, keep it nasty, and change the world by talking about sex honestly, one kink at a time.