Sexuality
An Infallible Guide To The Joys Of Anal Sex
This is why you’re not getting any.
Anal sex has been around since the dawn of time. Why? Because humans are curious. When there’s a problem, we want to fix it, and where there’s a hole… somebody will stick something in it in the name of science and pleasure.
Most likely, our ancestors -even before inventing the wheel- were already puzzling over how deep you can go into someone else’s anus, rolling up their mammoth skin sleeves under the dim light of a dying bonfire.
That’s what we’re going to be tackling today: your curious bone and perhaps your sphincter too.
“Nowadays, you can do anything that you want — anal, oral, fisting — but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.” ― Slavoj Žižek
All we are saying is give anal sex a chance:
It’s a fact that sexual arousal is deeply co-related to keeping things fresh, trying new things, and triggering that instinctual curiosity.
- Have you tried it before and didn’t like how it felt?
- Has bringing anal sex to the table always been a delicate subject for you or your partner?
I want to start this by clarifying that I’m probably not the ultimate authority on anal sex. I’m 100% sure that there must be many pornstars with a better (and looser) grasp on anything anal. But I’m an expert in communication strategies and a firm believer in this principle: “you should try everything life has to offer.”
The first thing you need to know about anal:
Anal sex is becoming more and more popular among heterosexual couples. Yet, the odds of fulfilling your anal fantasy aren’t as promising.
Less than 40% of heterosexual females have consented to engage in anal play at some point in their lives, which is not the same as saying they would want to participate in anal-related activities in the foreseeable future.
On the other hand, 64% of males fantasize about anal penetration. Why is that? Why is it that over 60% of sexually active women don’t want anything to do with bouncy backdoor fun? And a fraction of the 40% of women who did try it isn’t into it anymore?
Let’s break that fear down:
The shortest path to conquer all your sexual fantasies is mastering two powerful erotic skills: communication and curiosity.
Unfortunately, when talking about anal play, most people take the easy road and babble something like:
There’s a social stigma pending over anal practices, and also, yuck! That’s intended to be an “exit door only. “
But the awful truth is the main factor why women aren’t more involved in anal play is: misinformation.
Am I saying that women aren’t doing their sex-ed as they need to please their men?
Of course not.
Men are the ones that aren’t doing their part and aren’t getting any as a result. But don’t worry, mate, I’m here to guide you right to the bottom of this matter.
“Everyone has a risk muscle. You keep it in shape by trying new things. If you don’t, it atrophies. Make a point of using it at least once a day.”
— Roger von Oech.
Heterosexual men need to learn more about anal stimulation:
Men need to open themselves to really enjoying anal play both actively and passively. In addition, they need to master the necessary patience required to stimulate a sphincter without being overcome with desire.
Anal-play is not necessarily about penile penetration. It could also be about anilingus, fingering, toys, enemas, even fisting. All of these practices require much more intimacy than other sexual fantasies.
Trying anal for the first time might be a little scary. “Will it hurt? What if it doesn’t fit? What if I need to use the restroom in the middle of everything? Maybe I should wait for that special someone.”
The following anal sex keys might come in handy in your next sexual skirmish.
Do you swear to use lube, only lube, and nothing but lube for as long as you both shall need?
Anyone who is into anal sex knows that, in addition to patience, confidence, and skill, lacking lubrication is a deal-breaker.
No, saliva doesn’t contain the slightest amount of glycerin needed to be an anal lubricant.
This clarification is essential because it can save both of your bottoms. But, first, everything anal entails a risk of disease transmission, and saliva is no exception.
Second, even if you have exceptional oral hygiene and your partner cleans their anus until you can eat from it, you should get Hep A and HPV vaccines before even considering getting down there with your sexually exclusive partner.
On the other hand, anal sex is about making your partner feel comfortable with including this new practice into the sexual repertoire you’re creating together.
While spitting on your partner’s mouth or using saliva as a lubricant can be a staple of the porn industry, it can also be perceived as an act of denigration. Of course, some couples enjoy erotic games that involve name-calling, humiliation, and control. Still, it’s on you to have that discussion way before going down that path.
What is your sexual partner into?
Just because you’ve fantasized about having anal sex with your partner for years doesn’t mean the script revolves around you and your desires.
Talk to your partner about their tastes, and especially about their limits. Indeed, at first, you will have to face many prejudices and preconceptions together.
Opening your as* will open your mind:
Since everybody has one, anal pleasure is one of the most democratic human experiences there can be. But, more importantly, opening your anus can also open your mind.
After going through the back door, there are multiple things you can try, and one of them is exploring deeper and deeper to discover new forms of satisfaction.
It’s all in your hands:
Introductions can get very interesting when you bump into someone with beautiful hands. Strong, stocky hands, elongated rounded fingers, short, clean nails, and some masculine hair on the back… Can I hear a grrr?
Shake a person’s hand, and you will know how good the sex can be. Of course, this is a very generic formula, but trust me, you want to start practicing anal penetration with someone that trims, files, and buffs their fingernails to the shortest length possible.
There are so many new things I have found about hands in this research that I can’t wait to share these words of wisdom with all of you:
If you are right-handed, your right hand will be slightly thicker than your left hand. That means it is better to use your left index finger rather than your right. In this way, you will be progressively graduating the penetration diameter in an almost imperceptible way and, therefore, more comfortable for your partner.
Wear gloves! I know that it takes away spontaneity, but there are so many benefits to consider. Cleanliness is one of them. STD prevention is a strong one, as well as softening the edges of your fingernails even more. Play with them too; try colorful gloves, latex gloves, glow in the dark gloves! You won’t regret it.
Talking about STDs
Anal sex is possibly the riskiest sexual practice when it comes to STDs. As you may know, the anus tissue is very delicate and filled with tiny blood vessels which can tear during the action with alarmingly bloody results.
Hear me out: though STDs are always possible, medical accidents can be prevented with patience and subtlety.
The real casualties come when you’re into more invasive practices like fisting, penetration with objects, glass bottles… There’s a reason why anal toys are built-in soft, rounded shapes with a ring to retrieve them back. Things can and will get stuck in there if you don’t take safety measures.
Also, let’s never forget that wearing a condom is a must to prevent STDs and bacterial infections.
Finally, everything that touches your anus shouldn’t be in contact with your mouth or vagina. This includes fingers, toys, and naked penises. So if you want to visit several places at a time, after each penetration, toss the rubber, and grab another.
Innocence is anything BUTT attractive:
Sorry to say this without sugar-coating it, but anal sex is for people with experience. Of course, if you’re on the road to discovering the benefits of sex, you can start experimenting with the sensations you prefer, but I strongly suggest you take things slowly.
Anal sex as a couple goes both ways, no pun intended. You need to know your partner in-depth, their reactions, and boundaries so that the game is pleasant from start to finish. Also, as a passive individual, the ideal is to understand your limits, the level of pain you may find enjoyable, and your real motivations for trying it in the first place.
Suppose you agree to engage in anal play just because your partner has insisted for months now. In that case, there is a big chance you -and your anus- won’t relax, and each finger phalanx will feel like a dry fist hurting you like only a person with low-fiber intake could relate.
Start with just the tip of your finger or a very slim anal plug — a little bit of lubricant and lots and lots of genital and erogenous stimulation.
Kiss your partner, suck everything designed to be sucked and keep moving forward so slowly neither of you can tell when it’s all in.
Don’t ever put a ring on it!
If you are one of those guys, who loves wearing bracelets and rings, this is not the occasion to be flashy. Leave all your jewelry in the nightstand and forget about foreign objects that could damage the ultra-delicate tissue and nerves that compose the rectum.
Not only would it be unhygienic to wear them after inserting them into someone else’s anus, but removing the acrid smell typical of the area is extremely difficult. On top of that, Emergency rooms worldwide are packed with cases of persons looking to retrieve the most bizarre objects from inside their anal cavities.
I dated a Trauma resident once, and let me tell you… that’s not an urban legend. I saw an actual X-ray of a person with a mayo jar lid vertically stuck in their colon.
I’m sure inserting a jar sounded like a great idea at the time, but it turned into a gastrointestinal nightmare with a long recovery and medical consequences.
You might be thinking a ring or a small gold bracelet won’t do any harm. Still, blood vessels in the area are exceptionally delicate, and a tear could redecorate your sheets in an unforgettable Tarantino style.
Why don’t you try it too?
For real, if “anal-sex-looks-so-hot-we-should-try-it-I’m-sure-you-will-like-it-baby,” why don’t you also give it a try. Set the example and open your mind to experiencing that sensation too.
Maybe you won’t feel as aroused as your used-to-penetration partner could feel, but there’s plenty you could learn through empirical research.
Agreeing to engage in any sort of anal play is frightening, I know. You’re fighting against all your prejudices while experiencing amazing erogenous freedom. That’s a game-changer, and I don’t blame you for shying away.
But your masculinity isn’t threatened! Your sexual identity isn’t in question either. That tiny hole isn’t your metaphorical man cave. It’s just that, a hole in your body that can produce copious amounts of both waste and pleasure.
Each anal penetration experience is unique:
I’m not trying to romanticize anal penetration. Instead, I’m saying that each person’s style, size, and technique can change the results drastically.
Practicing anal play with a more sexually experienced person should be a law. What this type of penetration requires the most isn’t lubricant; it’s patience. The ideal way to start experiencing anal is with your mouth… But not like that. Communicating and establishing clear limits is paramount.
Not ready to go all-in? Okie Dokie!
What? After writing a defense for anal sex, are you saying that there’s no reason to focus exclusively on that? Yes, I certainly am. Trying to impose your sexual fantasies on your partner can not only put unnecessary strain on the relationship, but it can also fracture trust altogether.
If you or your partner are still not comfortable with anal experimentation, try to fulfill some of your partner’s fantasies.
Sex is always about giving and receiving. In bed, there is more than just passive and active roles. Instead, there are adults who agree to exchange moments of pleasure.
Do you like vigorous and powerful vaginal penetration?
Anal, especially if you’re a beginner, should always be on the “take your time” spectrum of sex. Chill, go very slowly, and you’ll be able to go even further than you could ever have imagined.
When we learn to enjoy sex with patience and thinking about our partner’s pleasure, we open ourselves to experiencing completely new sensations. One of them is the satisfaction of knowing that, almost inadvertently, our partner is guiding us to become a better, more mature lover.
What’s new where the sun don’t shine?
When you start on the path of anal play, there’s a tremendous pleasure in pushing your limits. The anticipated excitement and the rush of emotions felt before playing with a new anal plug can reignite the flame of passion.
But yes, anal sex is rather sticky and tricky, especially for the less experienced. Moreover, it is a practice that requires both mental and physical training.
There’s not only a stigma but a considerable rate of past trauma preventing the female population from experiencing anal play again.
If something is making your wife or girlfriend hesitate about giving anal sex a second chance is, most likely, one of 2 things: prejudices or a past traumatic experience.
Think of it this way:
before going all in, you need to ask if the area is available for visitors and play the field before making a run for it.
Even though anal sex is associated with BDSM practices, which also creates an unnecessary stigma, anal penetration for beginners should be more delicate than you imagine
There’s a high level of intimate understanding of your partner’s desires and limits you need to master before jumping into penetrative anal play.
Licking, kissing, sucking, and tickling the area are not only fun and exciting practices, but they can also strengthen the confidence between you and your partner.
Let’s rethink anal sex:
Anal sex is not about you. It’s about your partners’ pleasure. If there’s an erotic way apart from masturbation to show someone you care is anal sex. Anal penetration is all about your partner’s needs. All the control about how deep, intense, and wide they want to go is in their power.
Of course, there’s a tremendous amount of pleasure in going further, and for anal sex lover’s that’s typically the case, but you need to listen and accept all the commands they give you.
If you failed to take the hint, that’s probably the end of your anal VIP pass with that person. Words cannot describe how highly pleasurable anal sex is -some people even experienced anal orgasms- But it can also be indescribably painful.
Seeing your partner shaking with pain, crawling into a fetal position, perhaps crying, and unable to communicate until their body manages to release enough adrenaline to soothe that excruciating sensation is something you don’t want to go through. I went through that with my first boyfriend and never tried it again while we were dating.
But it doesn’t always have to be like that:
As it’s safe to assume, if you’re here reading about how you can bring anal joy to your life, you’re a person who cares and takes your partner’s pleasure seriously.
Dear reader, I wrote all this for two reasons.
- To help women worldwide find reasons to give anal sex a second chance, empower them, and help them discover new sensations of pleasure.
- Additionally, I want to make you guys understand that anal sex is fun! But if you’re not open to considering it for yourself, then it is clear anal isn’t for everyone, and you shouldn’t try to impose it on your partner…Ever.
Anal sex allows us to play both parts: active and passive of pleasure.
Do you think the “passive” was the only one needing to relax? Think again. Anal requires both persons to work their muscles into giving and receiving pleasure. Especially if you’re into fisting, you’ll soon learn about how much work and sweat you’ll need to put in when fisting someone.
Stay active! Once you get a hand, finger, or toy in there, you want to talk with the other person to know how they are feeling and slowly move inside them, stretching or contracting according to their taste.
The pudendal nerve connects both areas, enabling stimulation of the genital and anal nerves simultaneously. In conjunction with the great bundle of nerves that allow you to control the sphincter, your anus becomes an excellent erogenous point. If you stimulate the right place, you could even trigger a 100% anal orgasm.
Ready to try?
