How To Enjoy Cheating Without Guilt?

Don’t let expired promises ruin it for you.

Infidelity is a wildly controversial subject. Cheaters are always looked down on as if a relationship wasn’t a two-way street! But, for each person lurking in the murky waters of infidelity, there’s someone, sometimes unconsciously, handing them a pair of swimming goggles.

A match made in lust:

I know you could argue that there are people who don’t need a reason to cheat. That’s just who they are. And you are 100% right — some people are psychologically prone to cheat on their spouses for many reasons that we won’t discuss here.

Nevertheless, for pathological cheaters to cheat, they need an enabler wishing to save someone who needs reassurance through casual sex.

We all know a person going through life finding one lover after the other, marrying some, and cheating their way back to freedom. Who knows! Maybe that person is you, and the reason you clicked this article was to find your next hot date in the comments section.

Disclaimer:

But I’m not writing this with the purpose of helping you get into another person’s pants. I’m writing this for those who need to put on theirs.

Moreover, my goal is to share light on why it is acceptable, inevitable, and even reasonable to choose sexual pleasure over social pressure.

My intention isn’t to encourage anyone to destroy their marriages. On the contrary, I’m writing this for people who find themselves at a crossroads needing to understand what they are feeling and why they feel it.

This article is a call-to-action for people already on the path to change their lives without looking back.

Before we go on, I need you to ask yourself:

Why do I want to have sex with this new person so badly?
What makes this person unique?
Do they make me feel different?
Can I find excitement, novelty, and emotional stability in my current relationship?
Do I have what it takes to cheat on my partner?
Are you cheating on your spouse to get even?
How do you feel about your life’s achievements these days?
In your relationship, do you feel appreciated, cared for, valued?

After answering these questions, there are three general scenarios to consider:

1. You feel so ashamed and compelled to repress your feelings that you couldn’t answer the questions with honesty.

2. You can still find reasons to stay on the “happily ever after” track.

3. You checked all the boxes and found yourself looking for the courage to rent that room and let yourself go anonymously wild.

Allow me to inspire you:

“I’m Married” Is the best pick-up line I know.

Ever since I said yes, it appears to be raining men all around me. In my single years, men approached me sometimes so discretely that I had difficulties finding out they were trying to seduce me.

But, after tying the knot, many around me developed a relentless untying instinct. So I figured this is also happening to everybody else.

So I started wondering why infidelity is so appealing? First, betrayal is one of the most hurtful experiences anyone could undergo.

Yet, I guess that, as it also happens with capital punishment, it is not the possibility of losing everything that prevents crimes. Still, the certainty of getting caught deters the offender from taking things too far.

Nevertheless, getting a divorce can be tremendously hard for some, almost psychologically impossible.

Let’s talk about post-modern cheating:

There’s a new term called “micro-cheating,” which, according to the researcher that coined it, is:

“Any act or behavior by someone in a relationship which might suggest to a third party that they are emotionally or physically available.” — Martin Graff

Following that interpretation of modern-day cheating and seeing how our lives are basically taking place in the virtual realm, all the interactions that can lead a person to consider you’re available to make you responsible for whatever they think.

Honestly, I don’t support that theory:

I’m a Political Scientist that has been through a lot of therapy. So the moralist part of me is in life support.

Even though relationships take sacrifice and compromise, that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to stop enjoying porn just because that could make your partner feel insecure.

There’s a considerable gap between finding your partner sending avalanches of hearts to their office crush and making peace with their right to build a massive following.

So in my book, and for the purposes of this guide, we’re working under this definition:

“A married individual having engaged in physical sexual activity with someone other than their spouse of her, and without their spouses’ of her’ knowledge and consent. “ — Wendy Wang

Marry in haste, repent in leisure:

Now that we have so many options available, finding the right person with the swipe of a finger becomes an impossible and frustrating experience.

You could always be making a mistake. On the verge of finding someone with whom you can be “happier.” But can’t relationships have updates? How can you save your relationship from obsolescence?

We now can “measure” happiness, and we believe we will get better alternatives by changing what’s around us. So the relationship’s ultimate goal is to generate happiness, personal growth, and financial stability. It’s an enterprise.

“Our partner’s sexuality does not belong to us. It isn’t just for and about us, and we should not assume that it rightfully falls within our jurisdiction.” ― Esther Perel

But, of course, as with companies, a crisis ensues after all goals are reached. Helping my husband to have healthier habits, helping my wife with her career, having children together… We all know the script.

Without saying it, we get married with the firm intention of pursuing change. Thus we married a strong, independent, adventurous person! So that we can put down roots, drive our kids to school in an SUV and grow old together.

It is complete nonsense:

That’s why men are most likely to cheat when they are on the verge of leaving their youth and natural erections behind.

It seems clear now that at the same time you’re looking at the past and questioning what you did with your life before entering maturity, you’ve begun to unearth those aspects of your personality that remained on hold while you complied with the cookie-cutter idea of happiness.

“Trouble looms when monogamy is no longer a free expression of loyalty but a form of enforced compliance.” ― Esther Perel

If you’re going to do it, do it right!

You could experience guilt after cheating. That’s a fact. Moreover, you could experience an unstoppable need to confess your “sinful behavior.”

However, the only person who would instantly benefit from that honesty is yourself. Being the bigger person after all the milk got spilled gets the other person caught in cleaning the mess for you.

Don’t be that person. Don’t cheat to hurt others just because you can.

A marriage can benefit from infidelity if you make an effort to understand what took you down that road.

Having extra fun on the side:

What really exerts an irresistible force of sexual attraction when we cheat is the person we become while cheating.

Again, after so many years, we find ourselves excited, giggling, lusting. Sometimes we give up things we love to keep up appearances, keeping the boat afloat while withering on the inside.

Sacrificing everything for a relationship at the risk of losing yourself in it is self-destructive. On the other hand, if re-negotiating the terms on which your relationship was built turns out to be impossible, and all means of reconciling expectations have failed, “cheating” is an excellent shortcut to finding yourself again.

Infidelity is painful because it makes us question if something is wrong with us, something we could have done better. In an attempt to control the situation, we believe that things could improve if we change something about ourselves.

Maybe it’s my weight; perhaps I’m not as emotionally invested as I should be. There’s always something we need to improve.

Yet, cheating isn’t the inevitable consequence of a failed relationship.

Cheating is, and always will be, your decision.

Judas kiss:

No one should expect to have a perfect relationship. But, unfortunately, many marriages fail because we wrongfully believe love requires giving up everything that makes our clock tick. And even though that sounds painfully romantic, it’s a scam that won’t hold for long.

If you’re in the quest to find another person for their maternal or paternal energy, that’s a huge sign your marriage won’t last. Nobody will fill your days with an endless supply of comfort, safety, and love.

So it would be best if you found emotional rewards inside yourself and outside your marriage, which doesn’t mean cheating is the only way.

It means you have to stay true to yourself. Great sex and connection aren’t built on perfection but on accepting ourselves, rough edges and all.

And yes, after years of abusive behavior, neglect, and communication problems, some people are making an effort to be cheated on. Unfortunately, we all need to accept that some have no tools to be in a relationship.

In that sense, cheating can also teach them a couple of things — for example, the consequences of being emotionally unavailable. Cheating isn’t the healthiest of moves, but there are two sides to every coin.

Infidelity is an ever-changing paradigm:

There are some alternatives to cheating. Some will require to end the relationship and file for divorce. Others will take a lot of effort, communication, and possibly therapeutical guidance to overcome the marital distance you’re both facing.

Cheating doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship, but it is a warning sign that things aren’t going as they’re supposed to. Doing what’s good for you doesn’t always mean doing what feels good; it can actually mean the opposite.

Is sleeping with someone else a way to re-connect with emotions that have been dormant for years, or is it just a way to make your whole life an irreparable mess? Is there a better way to find balance in your life?

Summarize