10 Things Men Say When They Are Not Interested In You
Dating with confidence #13
This is #13 in the Dating With Confidence Series. Check out #1 to #12 plus the archives here.
Do you ever feel like you’re the only one trying in your relationship? Like you’re always the one initiating contact, and when he finally responds, it’s with something short and uninterested?
All sorts of things go through your head. Doesn’t he want a relationship? Is he too shy to ask me on another date? Is he scared of commitment? Does he want to date me or not?
It took me a while to work out what was happening when I received an excuse from a guy about why he didn’t want to see me anymore. It was confusing because it was different from how I behaved. If I wasn’t interested in a guy after a date, I’d text him and let him know. Politely.
“It’s all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage.” — Helen Fielding
I expected men to do the same and tell me in plain language that they didn’t want to date me, but they didn’t.
“A man who wants to date you will be keen to pin down the next date and book your Friday and Saturday nights.”
It took practice to spot when my dates weren’t into me. I had to learn the words men use when they aren’t interested and act accordingly.
Dating can be hard enough, but it can become downright frustrating when you add in the ambiguity of mixed messages.
“When someone asks, ‘Why do you think he’s not calling me?’ there’s always one answer — ‘He’s not interested.’ There’s not ever any other answer. “— Fran Lebowitz
To save you that frustration, I’ve listed some of the most common things men say to women when they’re not interested.
What men say when they don’t want to date you
Not interested in you excuse #1:
“I’m tied up for the next few weekends but should be able to get out in a couple of weeks.”
What we think: Great, he likes me. I’ll see him in a couple of weeks.
What he means: I don’t want to see you anymore.
Not interested in you excuse #2:
“I’ve got some family stuff to see to. I’ll call you once it’s sorted.”
What we think: Aww, he’s a family guy who takes his responsibilities seriously. I’ll see him in a couple of weeks.
What he means: I’m not interested.
Not interested in you excuse #3:
“I’ll give you a call next weekend.”
What we think: Awesome, I’ve got a date for next weekend.
What he means: I’ll call her if I haven’t met anyone better or I’m bored.
Not interested in you excuse #4:
“Life’s hectic at the moment. I just can’t fit a girlfriend in.”
What we think: He likes me, but he’s just busy. I’ll hang around for a while.
What he means: I don’t like you enough to consider you as a girlfriend.
Not interested in you excuse #5:
“I’m not really sure what I want right now.”
What we think: That’s OK. After a few dates, you’ll want me.
What he means: I’m not sure what I want, but I know it’s not you.
Not interested in you excuse #6:
“You deserve someone better than me/You’re too good for me.”
What we think: I was right. He’s just shy and lacks confidence. I’ll show him how great he is with my love.
What he means: You’re nice, but I’m not feeling it.
Not interested in you excuse #7:
“I’m really busy at work.”
What we think: Great work ethic! It’s just a busy spell, it won’t last forever.
What he means: I’m busy at work, and you’re not worth me taking the effort to fit you in.
Not interested in you excuse #8:
“I don’t want to spoil our friendship.”
What we think: He really likes me and is afraid of losing me.
What he means: I like you, but I don’t fancy you.
Not interested in you excuse #9:
“I’ll ring you when things have calmed down.”
What we think: Great, I’ll hear from him in a couple of months.
What he means: I’m never going to ring you.
Not interested in you excuse #10:
“I need some time alone.”
What we think: Oh no. He’s stressed and anxious. I’ll show him how loyal I am and stand by him.
What he means: I need time alone away from you. Forever.
What to do when you realize he’s not not into you
If a man says any of the above, say ‘Thanks for letting me know,’ and walk away.
Don’t call him, don’t text him, don’t drop by his house or his work.
Move on.
I was terrible at picking up on these types of vibes. I’m very honest, and I’d tell men that I didn’t see us as a couple.
If someone said they were tied up for a couple of weeks, I’d contact them in a couple of weeks to see if they were free. Then I’d be hurt when they ghosted me, or I got another complicated excuse.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete idiot — I only contacted the guys who had said they’d get in touch. It was disappointing and confusing when I was repeatedly snubbed, though.
When it all got too much I took a break from dating.
Knowing when a man is interested and when he isn’t will save you heartache
If a man is interested, he will be texting you every day.
A man who wants to date you will be keen to pin down the next date and book your Friday and Saturday nights. So you’re not available to date another man on premium dating nights.
An interested man will talk about future outings you can go to together such as a film, a new restaurant or a concert.
Learning the difference between someone who’s not interested in you and someone who likes you will save you an awful lot of heartache.
If you are getting ‘not interested’ vibes, maybe it time to let him go.
And in the meantime, enjoy being single.
