Your Pain is Holding You Back.

And it will continue to do so until you recognize it and start dealing with it.

So many of us are in so much pain and are still hurting from past wounds.

And it will continue to be that way unless we begin to recognize that pain in the first place.

Because we've been hurt, we start to believe that people aren't safe. We judge the world based on one person's mistakes or deliberate actions.

And because we're afraid of feeling that pain again, we prefer isolating ourselves and only depending on our power.

Taking a chance on people again is scary.

As Brene Brown so aptly said, we try to beat pain to the punch by avoiding people and close relationships as much as possible.

But the reality is we're human. We have emotions, seek connection, and need it to thrive.

Our ego tells us not to admit to being hurt.

It's trying to protect us in the moment but sabotaging us long-term.

This is a short-term solution for a long-term problem, so it's no wonder it doesn't work.

You can’t keep stuffing down your feelings, pretending to be okay.

When I got upset, my go-to was to stuff my feelings and pretend I wasn't hurt, bothered, annoyed, frustrated, etc.

This habit eventually led to a massive disconnection from my emotions, resulting in me feeling lost and hollow, like a shell of the person I used to be or could be.

It wasn't until I started counseling that I began to confront all these feelings, emotions, resentment, and pain that, unbeknownst to me, were causing me to self-sabotage constantly.

I had zero self-awareness skills then and could not see the damage I was doing to myself.

Thankfully, I worked hard to develop that skill, and now I'm much better at recognizing when I'm the one responsible for my problems.

If you leave this pain unaddressed, it will come back to haunt you in other areas of your life.

I thought I was 'fine' when I sat across the room from my counselor (metaphorically. We met over Zoom).

I thought I was very good at handling disappointment, rejection, frustration, and whatever challenging emotions you can think of.

But I was simply afraid of dealing with all of it.

I was scared that once I opened the lid on what I'd been holding back, I would be this awful, terrible person for voicing out my opinions and perspective.

I realized I had 'good-girl' conditioning.

Afraid of upsetting or disappointing anyone with my words or actions, I policed myself constantly to act in a way that made everyone happy except for me.

I developed people-pleasing habits that had me sabotaging myself and my efforts all the time.

Here's an example. After graduating college, I started working as a life insurance sales agent.

My job required me to get clients, and one of the ways I was recommended to start doing so was to reach out to friends and family.

I was so terrified by the idea of feeling like a bother or a nuisance that I never asked anyone I knew for help.

I suffered silently while I struggled to make money and survive. At the same time, I pretended to be okay whenever my friends or family members asked how I was doing.

This was a sick cycle that took me years to get out of. Please don't wait as long as I did.

To start healing from your pain, you must recognize it exists.

It's not a fun process, but that's not what's important.

It's a freeing process, which so many of us need. To let go and be free of the pain that keeps us from living the lives we constantly dream of.

Pain is strongly connected to another feeling/emotion — fear.

When we don't deal with our pain, it festers inside us and starts telling us lies about ourselves and the world.

That pain could be telling you you're not intelligent, strong, or resourceful enough to get that job you've been eyeing for a while.

It could be telling you you're not prepared enough and shouldn't pursue that opportunity.

It could be telling you that you're too weak to start.

That it's not safe and it's best to remain where you are rather than take a chance.

Can you see how all of these things do one thing? They constantly hold us back from taking risks and chances and creating opportunities to move our lives forward.

So, how can you begin recognizing your pain? Start asking yourself the question, why?

Why does this make me so upset? Why am I bothered by what that person said or did?

Self-reflection is one of the habits that allows you to create self-awareness.

And when you're aware of what you're saying, doing, and feeling, you have a much better idea of where you should go next.

Don't let pain hold you back. Recognize it for what it is.

Don't fall into that trap that says admitting to being hurt is a weakness; it's not. It's a strength that many people confuse with weakness because they believe having feelings is weak.

Feelings are not weak. They are part of the human experience and an important component of what makes us us.

Confront your pain. In doing so, you will allow yourself the opportunity to be freed from it and finally begin moving forward.