How to Start Healing Your Inner Child.

It will be a long journey, but one worth every obstacle and then some.

The process is much more nuanced than what I'm about to share.

After years of counseling and inner healing work, these are the most important steps anyone needs to take to start healing their wounded inner child and begin healing for good.

It starts with being honest about what's hurt you in the past and what's hurting you now.

I remember the first few times I sat in front of my counselor. She asked me, ' What is it that you're feeling?' or 'How did that make you feel?' (a cliche but still relevant) and at that time, I always answered, 'I don't know.'

Before I started seeing her, I was not in touch with my feelings and emotions whatsoever.

Sometimes, I would question my sanity because I could not tell what emotions I was feeling and what they were trying to say to me.

I did this to protect my wounded inner child.

I stopped paying attention to my emotions, feeling them, and taking the time to understand them because I was living in survival mode.

It's unfortunate to say this, but at one point, my counselor was the only person I could confide emotionally in.

Why? Because a lot of people, including friends and family, don’t know how to hold space for their emotions and ours, especially when it comes to topics we disagree with or don't understand.

I had to first recognize how my emotional needs weren't being met by any of the people in my life, including myself.

I also had to let myself remember those painful events throughout my childhood and teenage years to identify why I was still hurt.

The only way to move on from the pain is by processing it.

For me, that meant grieving all the losses — from my father passing away unexpectedly when I was eleven to moving to the USA when I was a kid and feeling like my life was falling apart, to having fallouts with close friends and family, and so on.

I needed to learn to feel the difficult emotions and process them in a healthy way.

What did this look like? Crying.

I did not learn how to cry until I was in my early twenties.

Now, it's my go-to method to allow my emotions to run their course. I cry as hard as I need to for as long as I need to. This is the way I acknowledge I'm hurt, but also the way I begin moving on.

Allow yourself the same — grieve whatever you've lost, and after that, keep moving forward.

When you look in the mirror, change the script you tell yourself.

Tell yourself your life is precious; it matters, and it has a purpose.

Just because you don't know your purpose doesn't mean you don't have one.

I remember feeling lost and unsatisfied with myself as a teenager and in my early twenties.

Those feelings of dissatisfaction came from putting impossible and inappropriate expectations on myself.

What do I mean by inappropriate and impossible? Mostly, unrealistic beauty standards.

I perpetuated a poor self-image and self-esteem cycle by constantly criticizing myself for not looking a certain way.

Eventually, as I matured and faced some health struggles, I realized nothing is as important as your health.

Looks aren't that important. They fade no matter how much you try to prevent it.

I changed the self-dialogue in my head and focused on caring for myself rather than chastising myself.

When you begin to care for yourself, you start loving yourself. You realize that even with your imperfections, you're still a beautiful being who deserves good things.

Going on this journey of caring for myself helped me heal my self-esteem and let me believe that my life was meant for much more than just looking a certain way and getting attention.

It took me a while to get to this place, about six or seven years, but starting the journey of healing both mentally and physically has been all worth it.

Say no and advocate for your peace.

You may not have been able to walk away or say no as a child, but now that you're an adult, you can.

Stop trying to take on more than you can handle. Stop people pleasing. It is not your job to make sure everyone is okay and happy with you.

It is your job to take care of your mental and physical well-being. If the people around you can't understand that, they are not your people, and you're better off without them.

Once you start loving yourself, you also begin respecting yourself, which means removing yourself from things, people, and environments that don't contribute to your well-being.

At the start of my healing journey, I became very good at saying no.

I wanted and needed to spend time alone to get to know myself.

I learned to enjoy my company and developed healthy habits like journaling and writing.

During these times of solitude, I learned to become self-aware. I asked myself questions about what was happening in my life, what I wanted to focus on, my priorities, and how I felt about all of it.

These moments helped me understand who I truly am, and there's no greater feeling than being sure of who you are and what you stand for.

Seek professional help.

I highly, highly recommend doing this.

At the start of this journey, I did not have the tools to help myself.

I still see a counselor, and I can tell you it's one of the best investments I've made.

I've changed significantly and healed immensely with the help of a professional who has walked me through my past and current hurts.

I could not have done this alone; many of us can't either.

We need connection and guidance to begin healing.

Many people make the mistake of thinking friends and family can help. Most people's family members and friends are not trained and licensed counselors and therapists.

Why do I advocate so much for professional help? Because counselors know how to deal with various situations, walk you through difficult emotions without letting your triggers get the best of you, and, more importantly, a safe space to say exactly what's on your mind.

I've learned these things are necessary at the beginning of anyone's healing journey.

And with all the different resources available online, you can find a counselor or therapist with relative ease.

Lastly, the most important thing of all — DO NOT GIVE UP.

I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed by your emotions that your physical body cannot handle it.

I know what it's like to feel lonely and feel like no one cares about your pain.

I know what it feels like to want to throw in the towel and call it quits on everything because sometimes it just feels so damn hard.

But I can tell you there's an even greater feeling: the one of pride and accomplishment for not giving up on yourself.

Whenever I feel I'm beaten and can't handle it anymore, I allow myself a break from life and its responsibilities for a short moment, but then I get back up and continue.

There's no greater feeling than looking in the mirror and being proud of yourself because you know you can face the challenges ahead.

If little ol' me can do it, you and anyone else can certainly do it.