How I Healed From My Self-Esteem Issues.

And how you can, too.

I remember there was a time when I genuinely thought I was ugly and undesirable.

That there were so many things about myself I needed to 'fix' before I could be worthy of attention and admiration.

I had imposter syndrome because when I did get that attention and admiration, I thought something must be amiss. I haven't become the beautiful, wonderful person I need to be to get this recognition, so why am I getting it now?

Can you say self-sabotage?

I lived with this mindset from as early as I can think until my early twenties.

It wasn't until my mental and physical health was at risk that I made the changes necessary to live a healthy lifestyle.

I thank God every day for being there with me along the journey. It was His hope that let me believe I was so much more and deserved to live in a healthy body and mind, that I deserved to live, period.

But believing in God didn't mean the journey would be butterflies and rainbows.

I did a lot of stupid stuff that delayed my progress, but those moments taught me invaluable lessons, so they had their purpose.

The first thing, and I've mentioned it already, that helped me keep pushing forward was my faith.

Thanks to my mother, I grew up believing God to be a loving father who cares about me and all my pain.

Unfortunately, this isn't a lot of people's experience. The church has done a lot of damage, and I have no problems recognizing that because it's the truth.

So many people have used God as an excuse to do terrible things, and that needs to be acknowledged.

In this, I learned a key lesson, and I'm still learning it — we shouldn't rely on other people's wisdom because humans are imperfect. We should rely on God's wisdom and word.

What does this mean? Get to know God.

How do you get to know God? Reading the Bible and finding a pastor who can help you understand it.

Quick note — I've observed that many small church pastors have a genuine connection to God and are genuinely teaching what's in the Bible. Big church pastors and people tend to be more fanatical but don't adopt any of God's teachings into their lifestyle.

During the darkest times of this season, I relied heavily on prayer and listening to the word of God — it kept reminding me that I wasn't alone through these valleys.

This is one of the reasons I find faith — whether in God or another deity, even the universe — to be necessary. It gives you the feeling of not suffering alone.

When you believe you're suffering alone, you believe no one sees or cares about your pain.

Feeling like this can lead to hopelessness. When hopelessness takes root, you're in a very dangerous spot because it can lead you to give up on yourself.

Unfortunately, I found myself in this spot several times because some days, it felt like I was getting nowhere.

There's a saying that helped me through these days, too — you've survived 100% of your worst days. This helped me believe that I had the strength to take on this huge challenge one day at a time.

So now you may be asking yourself, what did I actually do?

Besides relying on my faith, which helped me believe I deserved a fighting chance and have hope that I wouldn't be this way forever, I started to focus on how my mind and body felt instead of how I looked.

The way God helped me to transform my mindset was by giving me appendicitis.

This may sound completely nuts, but six years after my surgery, I can say with certainty that this moment made something click for me.

I developed severe digestive issues that impacted my daily quality of life.

This, in turn, took my focus away from how I looked. All I could think about was how I felt.

Now, I'm not saying you must get sick to start healing, as ironic as that sounds.

What I am saying is that additional challenge that may come your way or you're currently facing, whether it has to do with your health or not, may be the opportunity or catalyst to start making healthy, permanent changes.

Not feeling 100% made me reevaluate how I was truly treating my body, and I realized I was only treating it with hate.

I was starving, constantly chastising and shaming myself for not looking a certain way. I was using the gym as a punishment tool for when I 'ate too much' or to 'undo the damage I had done.'

This reality check helped me see my body as precious, worth caring, and loving.

And that's precisely what I started doing. I began loving my body by eating much healthier, not because I thought this would help me lose weight, but because I wanted to nourish my body and help it heal from the digestive upsets — weight loss became a side effect.

I started working out again, but now I did it because I wanted to be strong, limber, flexible, and agile; I wanted all the positive side effects of working out — my priorities shifted. I wanted to be healthy above anything else.

This is how healing took place.

It all started with a mind shift about what was truly important.

My looks or my health? The answer was simple.

Does this mean I am totally healed and never have bad thoughts about my image? No.

I do think from time to time, I don't look my best, or I'm not doing well.

However, the intention behind it is different. I don't think this or say this to shame myself. I say it to become aware that I'm not properly caring for myself.

These thoughts no longer make me feel like I'm not good enough.

I've learned to believe I am good enough; I'm just not perfect.

I've also learned that perfection is impossible to achieve, so why waste time trying? I'm better off accepting myself, loving myself, and caring for my mind and body because this is my only one.

I only have one chance at this life, and I want to make it worth it.

So, what can you take away from all this?

One, believe that you're meant for more, that you're so much more than your looks, body, or the attention you can get from it.

Two, you're not alone in the struggles you're facing. Whether you believe in God or not, I'm here to tell you that He does care, and the truth is that so do the people in your life.

The problem with people tends to be that they don't know how to show love and support. But I can assure you someone does want the best for you — start with me! I want you to be the best version of yourself.

Three, shift your focus. Whether it's mentally feeling better, physically feeling better, or both, do things that feed this. Eating better, working out, walking, reading a book, etc. Invest in activities that help you feel better and closer to yourself.

Four, repeat numbers one, two, and three for the rest of your life. These changes need to be permanent for healing to happen.

Healing is synonymous with change — you cannot heal without first changing what made you sick in the first place.

Embrace any and all the changes. After all, healing is on the other side of them.