Thoughts You Need to Give Up to Stop Being at War with Yourself.

This is how we can stop self-sabotaging.

I had a lot of intrapersonal conflict during my teens and early twenties.

Thanks to the work I did with my counselor over the past four years, I finally understand why.

I grew up in a very critical environment. Much of what I did as a kid was constantly corrected — it made me feel like my efforts were not good enough.

This led me to become a perfectionist. I would expect the impossible from myself and others — I developed unrealistic standards.

I used to be overly critical of what I did and what others did for me. Unfortunately, it made me come across as ungrateful.

I fell into the comparison trap because of this mindset.

I became jealous of other people and their achievements. Because I was jealous, I became entitled — I thought I deserved what was 'owed' to me, and in turn, became ungrateful because I only focused on what I didn't have.

This vicious cycle occurs in many people's lives because they don't take the time to self-reflect and figure out if their thoughts are sabotaging them.

If you want to stop being at war with yourself and begin moving your life forward, give up these three things.

Jealousy.

The root of all evil is constantly comparing yourself to others.

Sometimes, seeing other people succeed at what we think is a fast rate makes us jealous. We become jaded because we think we should see the fruits of our labor.

I feel this way from time to time. I've worked so hard and struggled for so long; where is my reward for all my work?

When we don't get the results we want when we want them, we start looking around to see if others are going through the same thing.

When we see someone who has it worse than us, we feel happy because we're not struggling as hard. But when someone is doing better than us, many of us start comparing ourselves, wondering what we're not doing or why we're not 'good enough' to get those results.

Sometimes, we think we've done 'more' work and deserve the results the other person is getting.

We need to remind ourselves that every journey looks different, and every single person will go through different challenges and seasons that will yield different results.

For example, I'm living in one of the best seasons of my life yet.

I'm independent — I live on my own, and I make okay money as a bartender, but I don't make much from my writing at the moment.

To someone else, what I'm living in may be considered a complete failure, or they may feel they are many steps behind the goals they want to achieve.

The reality is success is relative. Just because someone looks like they're succeeding doesn't mean they feel that way.

Don't waste your time comparing yourself and your journey to others. After all, your worst season is someone else's dream.

Entitlement.

When you're comparing yourself and think you've done what's necessary to deserve something, you become entitled.

When we think we deserve better than others because of what we've 'been through,' we have reached a different level of entitlement, and it blows my mind that so many people still operate this way.

We do not know what's going on behind the scenes of another person's life to know whether or not they deserve the results they've gotten.

As I said, if we're doing better than someone else, it elevates our ego and makes us feel good. But when someone else is succeeding, if we don't know how to humble ourselves, we resent whoever this successful person is because we think we know what they've done and usually come to the same conclusion: they don't deserve it, but I do because of XYZ.

Entitlement makes us have a bad attitude. Yet, entitled people wonder why others don't like being surrounded by them. Ahem, anybody home?

Entitlement is just another word for ego. If we want to move our lives forward, we need to learn how to quiet our ego, be humble, and learn from others who know better than us.

We need to come to peace with what our journey ends up looking like and do the work to get the results we want.

We need to be patient, too, because most of the time, the path we end up walking turns out to be one we never expected.

Ungratefulness.

When you choose to look at what you lack, you take away the focus on the gifts you already possess.

You focus on your weaknesses rather than your strengths and become jaded because of it. This leads you to believe you're a victim.

A victim mentality makes you give up your power over your choices. It turns you into a blame monster that doesn't focus on the things they can control to make the situation better.

And this all becomes a vicious cycle if not checked regularly.

Jealousy leads to entitlement, and entitlement leads to ungratefulness, which leads back to jealousy.

Think of the opposite of the three I mentioned.

Jealousy — Confidence. When you're confident, you believe that no matter how bleak a season of your life may be, it will pass, and better outcomes are on their way.

When you're confident, you don't resent someone else's success. Instead, you celebrate it because you know that if the person next to you can do it, you can, too.

Entitlement — Humility. When you're humble, you have a much deeper appreciation for the things around you. You're grateful for people who go out there and fight for their success because they can open doors for those aspiring to do the same or similar.

Humility allows you to enjoy the little things and focus on the things in life that matter. Usually, those are the intangibles. An afternoon spent with your family or significant other, a hot cup of tea in the morning, looking out at a sunset, cooking a meal for yourself, etc.

Ungratefulness — Gratitude. Having an attitude of gratitude allows you to shift your focus to your strengths, and more importantly, it gives you hope. Without hope, how can you get the drive, motivation, and inspiration to move forward?

Gratitude allows us to see the amazing blessings life has given us and has to offer us. It allows us to be content with our present yet hopeful for a better future.

It’s time to grow your mindset — give up jealousy for confidence, entitlement for humility, and ungratefulness for gratitude and watch your life literally transform.