You Were Amazing, 2021

But let’s not do it again.

I have to say 2020 was awful on a global level, but absolutely necessary and groundbreaking for me personally. My mental health had hit rock bottom and I vowed on NYE that 2020 was going to be my year. I said I was going to take control of every single aspect of my life.

And then covid hit.

And in hindsight, it’s like it was what enabled me to take charge. It’s as if life threw us the pandemic to make me and millions of other people stop to take a breath and reflect, evaluate, calculate, and, finally, act.

My mind stopped racing quite so much almost immediately. With less pressure to keep up with life, I went back to basics in search for ways to feel good.

I quit my job and started writing regularly to help me process my feelings. I took to nature, lost the excess weight, and I felt on top of the world. My relationships improved. I did everything with more intent. I cooked more consciously and I tasted the flavours more intensely. I appreciated TV more. I dove headfirst into my Kindle and read a book a week. Last, but not least, I focused deeply on gratitude.

My own world did a pivot in 2020, but it’s as if its path corrected itself.

2021 was similar in some ways, with some added normalcy from the old world in it. I socialised more consciously but deliberately in that I appreciated company more. I planned with more enthusiasm. But I also loved the spontaneity at home and watching my toddler son explore his creativity during the stricter confinement months.

Distancing not only became social to me. I finally set clear boundaries with certain individuals, which I had struggled with most of my life. This is something I suspect I will be practising forever.

My marriage thrived during the first lockdowns, and it continued to grow and intensify in love in 2021.

We got pregnant and our second son was born on October 5. He’s bloody adorable. Photo bomb below. Story about my labour here.

I received a few bonuses for my writing, one of my articles was published in Psychology Today, and I found others plastered on numerous websites and even translated into other languages.

It doesn’t stop there, I have a hell of a lot to be thankful for.

The world has suffered, and I will never deny how sad and miserable it was to live it. But on a much more personal level, I feel I have only become happier and wiser as a person.

And isn’t that the point? Not to be touched by the negativity? To rise above it all?

That’s not to say there were no downs – I just prefer to mention those with purpose. I believe those downs deserve their own space where they can be discussed or written about openly.

I look forward to this year and all the things that come with parenting two kids, as well as seeing myself grow and finding ways to continue doing what I want. I’m pretty proud of myself for even having the time to write this short piece as my youngest naps next to me.

I look forward with hope, excitement, and also acceptance for the unknown. What will come, will come.

I’m sure we’ll have good and bad times, like every year, and I can’t be prepared for everything. But I know that no matter what, I’ll get through it all because, well, what other choice is there?

Life Will Always Be Hard, So Let’s Not Make It Harder

I understand that for many 2021 was not a year they’d want to repeat. To those who have suffered, I am deeply sorry. I genuinely hope that going into the new year will help you in your journey, whatever that is, and that the bell chimes at midnight enabled you to turn the page.

Look forward. Don’t make your life harder by dwelling on what happened or could have happened. When I give myself the chance to hurt, I hurt with so much intensity that it’s hard to recover from. I won’t do that to myself anymore, and neither should anyone else. We cannot control a lot of what happens in life, but we can absolutely control how we react. And we can control how we feel. It just takes a hell of a lot of practice. So instead of working hard to feel miserable, work hard to accomplish feeling good in spite of your circumstances.

Don’t give your mind the power to control your sadness — rise above it and choose to practice being happy instead. With time and persistence, you can only feel better from there. It’s easy to default back to complaining or thinking negatively if that’s what you’re used to doing. Learn something new, break out of your bad habits — the ones you know deep down you can change.

You’ve got this. Go get ‘em.

Sylvia Emokpae is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. See more work like this.

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