Why Most People Hate Me?
For starter I don’t seek social validation
Couple of years back I got acquainted with a couple through a common connection and we started hanging out frequently. After a few meetings, I got a hunch that they don’t like me much and they are tagging me along maybe because of the common connection we both had. Initially, I assumed it’s just my silly instinct.
With time it becomes very evident and my instincts were not a bare observation. So I did some soul searching and found I do not fit the bill of their criteria to be liked.
They may be good people but if they are not acceptable for my being; I think I am better off without the unnecessary passive-aggressive treatment they have given me. I walked away from the needless drama for my own sanity.
Did it hurt ? Of course and sometimes you don’t have the strength even to ask why?
We all need or want outside stimulation and feel the need to be liked by people around us. I am no different. I like when people genuinely appreciate each other’s efforts, not with a mere empty thank you.
Have you ever been in situations where you think, people might not like you or maybe turning their heads around you?
The thing about other people disliking you —
Even if their thoughts have every bit of power over your life even if you are minding your own business on the other side of the planet — is that they feel like real threats.
You intellectually know that these people cannot harm you, no matter what they think of you. Yet strangely, you cannot help but to concern yourself with other people’s thoughts — thereby inflicting real harm by lowering the quality of your life and self-worth.
We find it difficult to consider that the other person might just be reacting to their own immediate vices instead of deliberately plotting to harm us.
Why do other people’s opinions of us hold so much bearing on how we are able to enjoy our lives?
We have no free will.
The most beneficial option is to accept that we are not in control of our feelings, but after the acknowledgment, we can find useful methods to mitigate the harm false threats pose on our emotional wellbeing.
Practicing meditation made me realize that we have no control over our feelings.
A couple of months back, I stumbled across Marcus Aurelius. I was researching meditation and how I can incorporate it into my daily life.
I started reading his book Marcus Aurelius’ s Meditations and honestly, it has very valuable lessons. I have just read a few pages by now. But trying to sync in all the wisdom and knowledge I am gaining through this book.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
Meditating made me notice that feelings come and go without conscious decision-making. Letting other people’s judgment of you hurt you is indulging in your own solipsism.
Just like how you have no control over what you think of certain things, these people have no control over what they think or feel either. No one goes, “I deliberately choose to exert my energy to hate this person, I will have no association within five years!”
It is also worth questioning why people’s opinions of us matter.
After all, irrespective of how poorly they judge us, we know ourselves best — while they only have had a short encounter with us. You know your story from birth till the present, while other people may wrongfully extrapolate assumptions about your entire being based on fragments of the puzzle.
Even worse, other people may project their own insecurities, biases, and vices onto you, making their statements reveal more about themselves than it does about you.
If you do things that make yourself happy, you benefit — not them.
You know what makes you happy — immersing yourself in beautiful literature, walking peacefully in nature, spending time with close friends, caring for your family, watching an excellent movie, and doing work that you enjoy.
You can easily cut yourself off from people who make you feel awful and focus on what truly makes you happy.
Let’s try this.
Be Bold
Be Courageous
Be Your Best
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Citation: https://readmedium.com/how-to-cope-with-being-disliked-d0f16cf770ea
