Why Men Need to Overcome Their Ego: Giving Women Gifts Doesn’t Make You a Simp
So many men are averse to gift-giving or financially courting a woman, as they fear being “used for their money” or that the “transactional element” will negate the dynamic.
On the contrary, I have found that when a man is generous, when he is unafraid to woo a woman and share the love language of gift-giving together with the other love languages, I as a woman am that much more lubricated to the potential dynamic between us.
With the passing of SOSTA-FESTA, women have become increasingly surveilled and censored online, and the already politicized nature of negotiating gendered needs when dating has skyrocketed. This systematic censorship, together with the repealing of Roe vs. Wade, has eroded women’s autonomy and freedoms.
As Samantha Cole wrote in her recently released book, How Sex Changed the Internet and the Internet Changed Sex regarding the repercussions of SOSTA-FESTA, “The things that affect the most marginalized people online inevitably affect everyone.” Sex workers (SWs), she wrote, have been “called canaries in the digital coal mine,” and sadly the legislation of SOSTA-FESTA has increased surveillance, censorship, and shadow banning not only for SWs but for any individual who writes anything online on a platform that may be construed as being prohibited from their terms of service based on SOSTA-FESTA legislation.
The entire personals section of Craigslist was dismantled due to SOSTA-FESTA, as were numerous other classified sites. The commercialization of dating has skyrocketed. Cole wrote in her book about dating sites, “Even the founders of these [online dating] sites know that technology can’t truly fix online dating because interpersonal relationships are messier than any algorithm can sort — yet. It’s possible, in fact, that constant iteration and innovation and disruption on something so fundamentally human is actually making it worse.” She then cited studies that US adults tend to find dating harder these days than they did ten years ago.
As I and others have also written, dating apps are for-profit companies; their primary drive is to earn income (by attracting and retaining paying customers), not to help people make meaningful long-term connections. The focus on instant gratification promoted by the swiping model of dating apps also construes people as products, promoting a superficial approach to dating that also invokes the paradox of the plenty (people have a harder time choosing one product — or person, in this case — in the face of an overwhelming number of options).
So as we live in a world saturated with dating apps and social media, where we are increasingly living our lives online, it is no surprise that while we are seemingly more connected than ever, we are also lonelier than ever. While women may be more censored online, men are suffering worse from the loneliness epidemic. The simulacra of connection promoted by living our lives increasingly virtually, together with the toll of living in a time of exceptional inflation with diminishing IRL “third spaces” (public social spaces that are neither home nor work, but distinct third spaces) has caused a surge in disconnectedness.
As I’ve written before, in a time where the myth of monogamy is finally crumbling, and given my status as a single mom sole care provider, why has it become so verboten for me as a female to ask a man to help provide? Zachary Zane and Ro White wrote a piece on simping on Menshealth.com, Here’s What It Means When Someone Calls You a ‘Simp.’ Simping, Zane and White clarify, is commonly understood to be men (or women) who throw money and/or attention at a woman for her attention.
Note that Zane and White shut down another, alternative definition of ‘’simping’’ — “There’s also a vocal contingent of misogynist internet users who believe ‘simp’ is an acronym for ‘Suckas Idolizing Mediocre Pussy,’ but we’re going to give those folks the attention they deserve — which is zero.” What it comes down to is boundaries and creepiness. To “simp” has been problematically equated to offering women the bare minimum.
This phenomena of a growing fear faced by men of “simping” circles back to the data of more men being lonelier now than ever: as women are taking less sh*t from men, and as so many men struggle with feelings of entitlement to a woman’s time, body, and energy, while not stepping up to take care of her needs, men have become systematically more lonely. As I have written about as well, the patriarchal model of relationships harms both men and women.
No one is entitled to anyone’s time, energy, or attention. For me to assert that my time has value does not mean that I am a sex worker. Nor should a woman valuing her time, energy, and material needs be stigmatized for claiming and asserting those needs. So, to the men: I encourage you to think beyond your ego and consider the woman’s needs. Consider showing tokens of appreciation; such actions do not make you a simp, but express your confidence, generosity, and sincerity, and go a long way toward helping a woman feel that you truly value her beyond what purpose she may serve for you.
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https://readmedium.com/are-women-more-censored-and-surveilled-in-online-dating-4bec2ed0fc9e
