I was recently banned from the Ok Cupid dating platform.
Mostly because I’d invoked the anger of a guy who’d been messaging me who was insisting on meeting up in person.
I’d replied that we could try to meet up in-person with the caveat that he could help pay for a babysitter, being clear that I’m a sole provider single mom. He, of course, was childless.
He then messaged me, “I could hire a h00ker if I wanted. What do you want me to do about it that you have a kid?” and the next time I tried to login to Ok Cupid, I found out that I was banned.
Screenshot from author
I reviewed the Community Standards, and the platform/company explicitly prohibits women from seeking any kind of gift-giving. It also prohibits users sharing information about their hobbies if it’s not for the “express” purpose of dating.
So we’re basically disallowed to share what is personal to our identity. In my case, my passion is healing work and advocacy, but apparently it’s against community standards as well for me to share my writing and work on the subject.
Dating apps like this are not designed to foster any kind of meaningful or in-depth “happily-ever-after” kind of relationship. They’re designed to attract and keep paying users on the site. They’re designed to encourage superficial interest and men feeling entitled to women, promoting the models of instant gratification, easy access, and a degradation of the divine feminine.
I wrote this email to the OkCupid Support team. Let’s see what happens.
“Hello,
Another user of the platform that I was chatting with (Daniel; see screenshot of the message) got frustrated when I wasn’t immediately gung ho about meeting in person. I suggested he could help pay for a babysitter if he wanted to meet in person, and he then suggested he could also “hire a hooker” and then reported my profile so that I’ve been banned from using OkCupid.
I realize since that I should not have asked for helping to pay for a babysitter but rather should have suggested a video chat to see if we vibe. I mistakenly see now that I violated OkCupid’s Community Guidelines, but that was not my intention. I have never been in violation of the guidelines before and did not purposefully cross that line. Furthermore, it did not give this user the license to compare me to a hooker and then get me banned from the platform. I do see in the Community Guidelines also that sexual harassment from users is not tolerated, nor is it tolerated by the platform if a user maliciously reports another user because they were not interested. Not only did Daniel use verbally offensive and triggering language toward me that was unwarranted but he maliciously got me banned from the platform.
I ask in this case that Daniel’s profile be flagged for removal, as he acted against community guidelines by comparing me to a hooker and then maliciously getting my account banned. I also ask for my profile ban to be reconsidered. You can see that I have a history of using the platform for years and no prior violations at all.”
Weeks later, my profile is still banned; his, likely isn’t. Take from this what you will about dating companies’ priorities and values.
Update: I received this response from a “senior” support staff member at Ok Cupid. This should tell you everything you need to know about their values.
Screenshot by author
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