Why do We Want to be Noticed so Badly?

Why do we need acknowledgment, attention, and approval?

What is it about being recognized and admired that plagues us?

That has us doing ridiculous, even dangerous, and morally corrupt things for attention?

I’ve struggled with wanting to feel recognized and be praised my whole life.

I’m positive it stems from my people-pleasing habits, culture, and being born a woman.

But I’ve realized this doesn’t affect me just because I’m a woman raised in a Latin American household.

Despite their drastic differences, many cultures around the world seem to have a commonality — if you’re admired by many, you’re doing something right.

But I’m learning that there’s a high price to pay for that, and many of us don’t realize it.

Or don’t want to — ignorance is bliss (for some).

When you’re constantly seeking approval, admiration, attention, whatever you want to call it, you are, by default, doing what others want you to do.

And when you depend on it, you’re in an even more complicated and dangerous spot.

At that point, you’re trading your decision-making, your time, your autonomy, and basically your life for others to be happy and okay with your existence.

Here are a few reasons why I believe many of us are okay with trading our lives for attention.

The promise money could be the solution to all of our problems.

As hopeful as I am, I cannot deny the reality that our lives revolve around money.

We need it just to exist. Unfortunately, many of us are having trouble with just that.

I won’t lie and say I don’t stress about money; I do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t follow a budget closely and track every single dollar I make and spend.

I live in Long Island, New York—one of the most expensive places to live in the United States, maybe the world.

I’ve been tempted by these get-rich-quick schemes in the past.

I fell for one at one point, spending thousands of my hard-earned money for nothing to happen in the end.

If I was in worse circumstances, who knows what I would have done?

Unfortunately, too many of us come to that place. One where we feel there’s no way out besides doing whatever needs to be done.

But that isn’t everyone.

Some of us don’t get to a place where we feel we need to do whatever is necessary to survive.

Some of us seek attention, approval, acceptance, admiration, etc., out of greed.

Some of us want the lifestyle, the paycheck, the money because we’re convinced that once we have that, all of our problems will go away instantly.

In a social media, influencer-driven world, attention and approval from many means you’re going somewhere in life.

There’s also this pressure that if you’re not doing something attention-catching and praise-worthy all the time, you’re not doing something worthwhile with your life.

I’m a millennial. I grew up during the time when influencers and social media stars were born.

I’m seeing a generation where sixteen-year-olds can be and are millionaires from recording short, entertaining videos.

For some reason, even though the majority of us are not social media content creators, that has become the expectation, the ultimate goal.

It seems everyone, and anyone, wants to become an influencer.

A social media star.

We’ve fallen for the trap of believing that if a million eyeballs aren’t watching what we’re doing, then what we do doesn’t count.

That what we do doesn’t matter. So, what’s the point in even trying?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand this is how some industries work.

Writing is one of them.

But think about a child or teenager growing up only knowing this culture.

Think about what they must feel about themselves, the expectations they are putting on themselves, and how they must feel after not achieving that kind of success by the time they reach seventeen or eighteen.

They probably feel their lives are already wasted.

I felt that way too when I graduated from college with an M.B.A. and didn’t land a great job with a bomb salary.

I was only twenty-two. And just as my life started, I felt I’d utterly and miserably failed at it.

It feeds our ego. It gives us a false sense of self-confidence.

There’s another aspect of constantly seeking attention and recognition that twists the way we view ourselves.

When we constantly get the attention we seek, we believe we’re all that. We start believing we know anything and everything, and how dare someone question what we’re doing.

We build this persona around the attention that makes us feel all-powerful like nothing can touch us.

But as soon as that attention gets taken away, we start looking at ourselves, wondering what we could have done that caused the attention to disappear.

We question ourselves, our decisions, and whether we’re good enough.

I remember when I had very low self-esteem, I went through this cycle time and time again.

I would get the attention and approval I needed to feel okay with myself. But as soon as that attention got taken away, I assumed I was the one who did something terrible to cause that attention to disappear and then went on to chase after it.

It was a sick cycle that left me exhausted by the time I was twenty years old.

Unfortunately, too many of us are still stuck in it.

Chasing, chasing, and chasing, wondering when we’ll finally get it and keep it.

The problem is, you’ll never be able to keep it because people change their minds every five seconds.

When we rely on other’s approval to feel enough about ourselves, we completely give away our sense of worth and value.

We’re letting the world determine if we’re good enough or not.

By now, I’m sure we can all agree the world is a terrible judge at determining what’s good enough and what isn’t.