People-Pleasing Will be The End of You.

We humans are constantly at war with ourselves.

We’re constantly questioning our identity, our worth, and our value.

Growing up a people-pleaser, I didn’t start learning who I was until my early twenties. The truth is I’m still on that journey.

Fortunately, after seeking counseling, I have a better idea of what I stand for and what my values and beliefs are — I’m much further along the way to figuring out who I am.

But if you’re falling victim to your people-pleasing habits, be warned.

It’s not easy to take chains off and break the cycle. It’s certainly better than keeping them on, letting life pass you by, and later realizing you never lived how you wanted to.

Side note — don’t confuse giving up your people-pleasing habits with disrespect.

Too many people get it twisted, thinking that living authentically means you get to do whatever you want. That’s not what this is.

This is about letting go of other people’s expectations for your life and establishing your own.

With that said, here are some things to watch out for when planning your life and future.

Don’t rely too much on validation from others.

Instead, hear your voice and ask yourself if you’re content with where you are.

Getting validation and positive feedback is always nice, but don’t overly rely on it like I did.

I made a career choice based on this, and it made me miserable at the job I ended up at.

I studied business administration in college. I even went on to get my master’s degree. Once I graduated, I realized I had no idea what to do with these two pieces of paper.

For someone like me, who wasn’t sure what they wanted to dedicate themselves to at eighteen, taking a gap year would have been a great idea to figure that out.

But because I was constantly showered with compliments about my academic achievements, I let myself believe that college was the obvious next step.

And it was the obvious step (according to society), but was it better for me? No.

So pay attention to when people compliment you. Remember, the popular vote may not be a good guide for deciding what to pursue.

This applies to any area of your life — friends, relationships, health, lifestyle, etc.

Don’t concern yourself too much with meeting other people’s imaginary and arbitrary standards.

Set your own.

Funny, I used to assume that people had expectations of me and needed me to meet them.

That’s a very selfish and egocentric view.

The truth is people aren’t as worried about you and what you’re doing as much as you think they are.

They have their own lives, issues, challenges, plans, and goals they are figuring out.

From time to time, you will run into someone who will have a very strong opinion about what you’re doing.

When this happens, remember, these people are projecting. They are saying more about themselves and what they didn’t accomplish but wish they had.

They are jealous that you have the courage and bravery to pursue your goals, and you’re a reminder of precisely what they didn’t do.

So don’t let anyone’s negative opinion, or what may seem like a negative opinion, slow you down or turn you off.

If that person doesn’t pay your bills, then whatever they say, take it with a grain of salt.

This leads to right into my next point.

Only seek advice and listen to those who have been where you want to go.

Many people give advice based on their circumstances, wants, and needs.

Just as many people don’t take the time to determine if the advice they are receiving applies to their situation.

As I said before, take other people’s advice with a grain of salt, especially when they have no stake in your life.

If things go left or right, it will not impact their lives. But for you, it may be the difference between joy and misery.

Seek a mentor, read books, read blogs, watch vlogs, listen to podcasts, etc. There are many ways to find the people and information you seek. You just have to search for it.

I was doing this type of searching when I stumbled upon Medium. I was looking for a blogging platform and came across a blog that was published here.

I don’t remember the blog I read, but I remember being excited about finding a platform where anyone could self-publish.

I didn’t gather the courage to write and publish for a few months, but eventually, I did, and it all started with a desire to find out how to publish my own words.

Now, here we are, over 200 blogs later, and still going strong and better than ever.

My writing has dramatically improved since then, and it keeps getting better and better.

So if you just started something new, scary, or something people don’t understand, or you’re continuing but have doubts, that’s great!

Keep going!

That means you’re pursuing something you genuinely enjoy and want to do or are on the path to figuring out what that is.

Just remember, validation is nice, but it shouldn’t be one of the main reasons you choose to pursue something, just like how you should take people’s advice with a grain of salt because, most of the time, it won’t apply to you and your specific circumstances.

Lastly, look for the people and information that will help you reach your goals.

They’re much closer than you think.