Why do my Successful Friends Clean Toilets in their Free Time?
Domestic Chore Balance
I dropped by my friend's house after work. She looked like an octopus. One hand was stirring the dinner, and the phone was on her right shoulder trying to arrange a dentist appointment for the youngest. She miraculously found spices in the cupboard and checked if the kids had started their homework—the master juggler.
I popped my head into the living room. Her husband was slumped on the couch glued to his computer game “unwinding“ after his stressful day. My friend's stressful part of the day was beginning.
False Advertising
My friends and I grew up in the 1970s and ’80s in a developed country as young women. We were encouraged to take the opportunities of education and diverse careers that were not available to our mothers or grandmothers. We studied hard, and we worked hard. We graduated from university and completed post-graduate degrees.
We developed and celebrated our careers. But our dreams of the future never included the reality and struggle of the domestic front.
Inequitable Divisions
My friend's household mirrors many working families in Australia. There is high workforce participation by women, but still, they are working harder than men.
The 2016 Australian Government Census revealed a typical Australian woman undertakes 4 — 14 hours of housework per week. The typical Australian male spends less than 5 hours a week on domestic chores. Not surprising. I don’t need to read the figures as you can see them in any home on a weekday evening.
Obstacles to Change
Our gender still defines our role in the house. Many women accept the status quo.
Why don’t more women get paid help at home? One obstacle is the cost. A cleaner’s hourly rate is a minimum of A$20 — 25, and my friend’s profession (teaching) is an average pay of A$35 per hour.
Another challenge is the potential friction between couples. Promises by men of sharing the domestic burden are quickly broken. Maybe women are too tired to argue or stand their ground? Perhaps agreements on the division of household chores are never established or eroded over time. Men contribute less and less throughout a relationship, and women allow it.
Maintaining the culture and status quo is very strong when every cleaning advertisement is geared towards women.
It is also a socially accepted construct replicated by peers. Complaining between women is part of the culture, but action to change is not.
The actions I do see are:
Couples move abroad. Some couples move to countries where domestic help is cheaper.
Divorce. Over time marriages break down from the continuous stressors of juggling two jobs.
Women give up their full-time careers. This affects the economy and wastes their skills.
Declining Marriage Rates. Fewer women are marrying in developed countries. The detailed job description of a modern wife is not attractive. The benefits of marriage swing in favor of men.
Couples need to think carefully about the labor division of unpaid household chores when they are in paid work. If negotiation is not feasible for an equitable division then these chores should be outsourced.
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Briddy is an Australian writer enjoying freedom in her Feisty Fifties. If you enjoyed her writing — sign up for her email list so new stories go direct to your mailbox. She looks forward to connecting with other writers and readers around the world through Medium. Twitter handle is @BriddyBrigid.
