Is Death Nothing at All?
Death is a Metamorphosis.
Literal Death is Sad
Words of comfort in the form of a poem by Henry Scott-Holland were passed to me at my father’s wake. “I have only slipped into the next room.” I re-read that poem multiple times during the initial shock and period of condolences. The poem became an attachment object to me. It brought security and a temporary sense of grounding during distress. I even bought the fridge magnet and would stare at it for comfort late at night, but I couldn’t make out the words through my tears.
The poem metamorphosed from a soft security blanket to a dagger of emotional pain as I proceeded through the grieving process. Literal death is quite a big thing, and this poem comforted the early confusing, surreal days of loss and grief. As life continued, I accepted it would never be “that one brief moment, and all will be as it was before.” Death is the polar opposite of “nothing at all.” We experience a unique, painful journey when we lose a loved one. As you can probably predict, the magnet is no longer on my fridge.
Some of us learn to live with loss and subsequently make more meaning of our lives. The bucket list can become more critical. Others change jobs or move cities to start afresh. Possibly, the acceptance of potential, imminent mortality can create an internal momentum to reflect and make changes in our lives.
Others die of a broken heart. The American Heart Association calls the latter “broken heart syndrome,” leading to severe heart muscle failure. So the familiar story of when grandpa dies shortly after grandma from a broken heart is not just an emotional state. It exhibits as a physical manifestation.
Metaphorical Death
Conversely, incremental, metaphorical deaths occur daily. Often we are not even aware of the minute transformations. Small, undetected seismic shifts which are barely registered but shape us challenge us to make choices and send us in new directions.
We are always on a path of metamorphosis. For some, these changes appear dark and foreboding. But if we have faith and hope, those dark times of micro deaths can be transformative and take us on unexpected paths and change our character profoundly. It is these deaths when confronted with obstacles, that challenge us to find our true grit and strength and shape us like the heat of the fire shaping the layers of a sword to make it stronger.
The Samurai Sword
When you add defects to metal, it becomes stronger. Our failures and losses create external strength in our next chapter of adversities. The samurai sword is one of the strongest swords and undergoes a metamorphosis via external elements of force and heat. The toughness and hardness of the sword are created by internal defects combining metal elements. The structure distorts when more and more flaws are added. When atoms can no longer move around freely — the sword builds strength under the external force of heat.
I define our defects as mistakes and learning and perceive my internal defects inside, creating a beautiful, external strength and force like a samurai sword. My metamorphosis of internal defects makes me more robust when faced with the heat of external challenges in life.
The Obstacle is the Way
Many people claim to have been influenced by writers. My life-changing book was “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Halliday. It did not change my life the first time I read it. It only resonated with me recently when I reflected on my life’s obstacles. These significant life challenges, such as relationship breakdowns, losing jobs, forced relocations, were shocks, roadblocks, and parts of me died.
Those small internal and external deaths sent me along unexpected paths, experiences, emergent choices, and new people and relationships. Death can redefine us, make us stronger or weaker depending on perspective and our sense of hope. Without those external challenges, which resulted in parts of me dying and others strengthening — there would be no space for new growth.
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Briddy is an Australian writer enjoying freedom in her Feisty Fifties. If you enjoyed her writing — sign up for her email list so new stories go direct to your mailbox. She looks forward to connecting with other writers and readers around the world through Medium. Twitter handle is @BriddyBrigid.