WITH WRITING TIPS AND A LESSON ON MEANINGFUL ENGAGEMENT ON MEDIUM TOSSED INTO MY CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL

Waxing Tanka About Home

and finding serenity in the perspective of the shortness of life

Yesterday I read Dr. Fatima Imam’s beautiful poem, Roots, which I did not then realize responded to 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊.’s Tuesday prompt, and thus I had intended to turn my response to Roots into a story for Diana’s and Anthi Psomiadou’s and my co-creation

But now that I have, I post it here. Though as I write this, I have not yet determined the location of here as either: a) Know Thyself Heal Thyself, b) Mystic Mind, which I just discovered yesterday and to which I have not yet applied to through Kimberly Fosu for addition as a writer, c) one of Illumination’s publications (Illumination, Illumination’s Mirror or Synergy), d) Grab a Slice, e) Queen’s Children or f) Be Yourself.

Cross-pollination among like-minded publications

As I have written about in a few stories lately, there are many truly spiritual publications here on Medium, and the lack of cross-pollination disturbs me. It used to upset me when a spiritual story of mine would not be read by the followers of one spiritual publication when I publish in another, all the more so baffling to me when such a non-reader follows me.

I recently had a change of perspective on that. I presently follow 68 writers and 21 publications. This is what I see on my feed right at this moment:

Clearly this does not begin to alert me as to stories available from those I follow. I stopped being upset when I realized what a daunting task it is to engage with all of the writers that I follow, particularly if I rely on stupid AI algorithms to expose me to important stories.

The paradigm of meaningful engagement

So I changed my paradigm. This weekend I started writing less and engaging more, thanks to the advice of the likes of Julia E Hubbel and stories like

I ignore the advice of writers who say it is bad form to link to my own work in responses to others’ stories. As long as my previous story is entirely contextual with the response, I believe it is appropriate engagement and not shilling for MPP bucks.

The last time I published a primary, titled story, with a feature-image was February 18th. On that date, I had 94 total views. On the 19th I spent the morning meaningfully engaging with stories and their writers — I had 126 views on the 19th without publishing a story. I have also picked up about 15 followers and a talented and tuned-in writer, Emily Jennings, for ChannSpirations and Coincidences.

As I remarked to a friend and co-editor:

I always read on Medium. I am going about it differently now. I have read a few articles about what you say about supporting fellow writers, but it goes beyond support, which can sometimes feel perfunctory or obligatory. Meaningful engagement is getting into a discussion with the piece, for the writer and the other readers to see, and enables one to broaden the base of who benefits from ones thoughts, and I have no issue citing my own stories, in context. I am not in it to shill for MPP $$ so I dont care, and frankly it’s stupid, that some consider citing ones own work in a response to be bad form. Why short change my message, and the readers thereof, with paraphrases. And its a great way to publicize our pub.

I could barely care less about claps, which only allegedly have any vestigial value in story distribution.

Highlights are nice, but responses make my day, yet even a very nice response can prove perfunctory. I can tell the difference now between a response given because the fellow writer feels the need to provide support, versus truly meaningful engagement.

Just a few days ago I received this wonderfully pleasing response:

Well written. The terrible thing about being able to write an article so meaningful about a malignant narcissist is that you had to spend way too much time studying one.

I was thrilled and responded,

Thank you so much. Responses like this make my day and longer :). I could cry. I’m close…

I still very much appreciate that support, but I realized a few days later when reading a story by the complimenter that touched on narcissism, that while he meant so well in engaging with me at that level, he completely missed the point of my story, or he disagreed with it, as he wrote something completely contradictory.

Politely disagree with me by all means — healthy exchange of differing opinions helps both minds. Perfunctory politeness yields just fleeting happiness. That link provides not only my philosophical outlook on the topic of happiness but also lauds a very deep and complete piece by Will Buckingham:

An engagement that shows that I made a difference in even one person’s life is the real cat’s meow:

Very good points…Quite enlightening actually. Made me view the narcissist in my life in a different light and I believe this perspective shift was desperately needed. Thank you so much for sharing this piece here, Greg.

Writing Tip — I/me instead of you/we/our; example of meaningfully engaging with constructive criticism

In this first weekend of my new paradigm, I read an excellent spiritual piece by Krista Mollion:

I responded:

Lead by example — I deliver my message in my stories by telling my story in the first-person narrative. I find that first-person writing is more effective — at least that’s what I want to read. I highlighted lots of great messages in your story and skipped right over the instruction manual sections. You’re a coach (apologies if I’m wrong), so I get it. Most readers are not and never will be clients and may better receive your message from a different narrative voice.

I linked to my story Please Stop Telling Readers What To Do, Try telling your story in the first-person-narrative; lead by example, not by instructing. Ms. Mollian replied in partial agreement:

Thanks for the great feedback, Marcus! I always try to provide actionable items but the voice tip is very true.

Now, my tanka!

I miss you so much Don’t worry beautiful soul Third always “sees” you; As we reside in my heart I am always home with you

The tanka explained

“Homesickness (for a home to which you cannot return to or perhaps for the Source itself)” and “home is where the heart lives.” For me, those quotes refer to the same places, and at times, especially when I am tired, I just want to go home to Sitara — it’s hard to imagine another 50 years apart — the double-edged sword of awareness of Heaven Mate (I have been using the term Soul Partner, but yesterday I learned this better and infinitely more divinely descriptive term from Laxaa (please read this new writer — she is brilliant, and illuminatingly “tuned-in”)) — but no one should worry, an early exit is the furthest thing from my mind — homesick for the love of eternity does not give rise to anhedonia — I get tons of pleasure out of life every day — and eternity is just around the corner.

Acceptance and the perspective of life is short

The perspective of the shortness of a lifecycle, when compared to the reality of the eternal life of a soul, provides much comfort. It makes acceptance so much of an easier attitude in which to live.

Those who have paid close attention to the topics I cover know that I believe that 12-step programs leave much to be desired and have much space in which to improve and adapt. Yet, I give credit where earned, and this snippet from page 417 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous profoundly and positively impacted my life:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in [the universe] by mistake. …unless I accept life on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

Those 109 words contain a lifetime’s worth of wisdom and lessons. They perfectly explain the oft-misunderstood meaning of the Serenity Prayer. If you desire to change the world, great, I sure do. Acceptance does not mean turn the other cheek regarding either a person or the world. It means, in this respect, do not let the situation eat you up inside.

The courage to change what I can — my own attitudes

I can solve any personal problem I face, no matter how dire, simply with a change in attitude. This is the life-lesson I learned in 2013 when in the midst of severe depression, I contemplated the life-lesson that my dearly-departed-to-suicide friend taught me when I spoke to his soul in 2012. As I have written in Maybe I Will Save One Life, or Many, And wash any guilt off the innocent, Andrew told me that just seconds before this life cycle ended in suicide, the non-suicidal solution to his problem became apparent, and that is what the soul of every suicide has to live with for all eternity. I had thought he meant the practical solution to the particular issue that made his life unmanageable and anhedonic. But I realized upon recalling the words of Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning:

What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life — daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

I had thought that the solution Andrew talked of was a tangible plan to change the circumstances, the facts, of the problem. Then I saw the solution is simply the change in attitude needed to find meaning in life whether or not the circumstantial causes of the depression are removed.

“Life on life’s terms” — the real meaning of “it is what it is”

This is yet another lesson packed into the 109 words. I have often in a conversation responded, “it is what it is.” Many people wince at this. Some believe it too much a cliche that should be removed from our lexicon. The way most people use it should be retired. 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. wrote brilliantly about this in,

in which Diana also discerns the meaning of the phrase as imparted by the 109 words.

More often than not it is used in a completely meaningless way, coming from a place of “I can’t genuinely accept the situation but I am just going to say these words as if I can”, which is…highly hypocritical. But you don’t actually feel it. You don’t believe it. And, more importantly, you don’t understand what that kind of acceptance implies. That authentic, compassionate, peaceful “it is what it is” is RARE.

I have discerned another, related meaning to the phrase. I live life on life’s terms, play the cards I am dealt, and I do not bitch anymore in the delusion of life not being fair. Life just is what it is.

A writer whom I follow, Laura Culberg, inspired that piece of mine with her food-for-thought:

One more writing tip — the art of short forming

Many will complain that this article has too many messages. That likely precludes curation. For me, so be it. While I want my messages read, I also write for myself. As every day of spiritual awakedness passes, I see connections across the supraconsciousness and connect dots that others may not see and I get immense 4D energy thrills from this everything-including-the-kitchen-sink approach to cooking a rich pot of chicken soup for my soul and those that read my work.

Some will say I should break this piece up into smaller discreet messages, plus 13 minutes is too long (phooey!!). Ah, but my INTP brain sees how many short forms I can get out of this piece and can thus promote it in innumerable pubs here on Medium.

I recently wrote one of my most highly spiritual yet highly relatable to anyone pieces (interestingly my son, Alexmaids, says it is his favorite piece of mine because “it's good and deep and I agree with it and it's not too spiritual,” to which I said “what you mean is not too spiritually ‘out there.’ Yet, along with J’Accuse…! [The Assemblage’s propaganda revealed for what it is — a scapegoating smear campaign] and Accountability, it is as highly spiritual as I have written because it’s about spiritual values as opposed to the spirit realm.” Alex replied: “I mean addiction isn't a spiritual topic like soul awakening is.”)

So far, I have two distinct short-form pieces on it. If stupid AI complains that what I am about to do in the interest of imparting the art of short-form violates Medium’s duplicate content policy, I will raise holy hell and this story will go viral.

This 131-word short form I published in BeingWell, a medical journal:

Is substance abuse a personal failure of willpower or a disease that deserves medical treatment — the answer does not matter. The problem affects all of society so society must stop the binary assignment-of-blame-approach and simply accept that the problem affects millions of people touching the lives of all and costs society hundreds of billions of dollars annually. Substance abusers have the ultimate accountability for their actions and a duty to do what they can to recover. Society needs to do its part to understand addiction, remove the stigma, and make proper care affordable not only for addiction but for mental health generally. 12-step programs and rehabs are salves between relapses. A new paradigm is required. Until we destigmatize substance abuse, the cycle of failure will never end.

These 146 words I published in Everything Shortform:

The Surprising Failures of 12 Steps (The Atlantic, March 2013), details their atrocious success rates. I do not blame AA. A $42 BILLION industry has grown out of AA. The treatment centers preach AA as the only game in town so they keep sending people to AA and doctors keep sending patients to treatment and it’s a never-ending cycle. I blame the perversion of capitalism that cares more about profit and the resultant concentration of wealth than societal benefit at the expense of the workers and the middle class; in this instance, I blame the system that allows a few to get rich on the backs of the sick.

I blame society for stigmatizing substance abuse.

The abuser is not weak for lack of willpower nor blameless for having a disease — those unnecessary binaries are societal constructs.

A new paradigm is required.

Destigmatize substance abuse.

Lastly, here is an example of how I promoted my article in response to a related story by Reo.

In that story that I applaud as a tremendous example of how to write in the first person and not listicle crap like I usually see in The Ascent, Reo writes:

I have seen firsthand how ugly addiction can be. I’ve been exposed to it my entire life. There was a pivotal moment in my life when I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t succumb to addiction like him. I’ve always wanted to be more than a bottle of vodka, a bad temper, and lost dreams.

Today, I leverage the consequences of his poor decisions and use them to create a life that I am proud of.

To which I responded with:

Thank you for sharing and I am sure this article will help many. The downside to this cheery disposition is that people may read it as proof that substance abuse is a failure of willpower. Please read my article and I hope your readers will as well, https://readmedium.com/drilling-down-to-the-root-cause-of-addiction-7c57c5a3fd6c, in which I argue that the answer to the question of whether substance abuse is a personal failure of willpower or a disease that deserves medical treatment does not matter. The problem affects all of society so society must stop the binary assignment-of-blame-approach and simply accept that the problem affects millions of people touching the lives of all and costs society hundreds of billions of dollars annually. Substance abusers have the ultimate accountability for their actions and a duty to do what they can to recover. Society needs to do its part to understand addiction, remove the stigma, and make proper care affordable not only for addiction but for mental health generally. 12-step programs and rehabs are salves between relapses. A new paradigm is required. Until we destigmatize substance abuse, the cycle of failure will never end.

Ok, I am pleased with today’s full day's work of writing. Time to go have a very late lunch (it’s 16:30 EST and I started writing this around dawn), or an early dinner, or both at the bar in the public golf club and have a few martinis (gin, not dry, blue cheese stuffed olives) and maybe spend some time in Q (don’t know about that — I have to balance with non-Medium related tasks that I can perform on my laptop, like hunting for an apartment in a development where AI won’t reject me out-of-hand for my terrible credit despite being able to pay up from the full amount of a year’s rent).

Oh, if you want to be curated, follow the examples of The Maverick Files and Dew Langrial.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. I very much enjoyed creating it.

In Rama I create,

Marcus