BARELY A DISTANT THIRD TO RESPONSIBILITIES 1A AND 1B IS PROVIDING FINANCIALLY
Life-Lessons and Parents’ Roles — an Actual Email to My 15-Year-Old Son and 17-Year-Old Daughter
Above all, love your children unconditionally and close on those heels, share the life-lessons you have learned
Writer’s Note:
I sent this email to my children several months ago. I published it to my profile page on 11.23.20, before I understood much about formatting titles and the power of well-chosen images, of which my post had none.
Today I read a story by a wonderful writer, and an even better person, whom I frequently praise (Esther George) for her messaging: Never Be Afraid To Make Mistakes Again In Your Life, Mistakes are opportunities to learn.
Like me, she spreads the wealth of her experiences and messages widely on many planets, in many solar systems and galaxies of Medium’s universe. While my fellow Illuminators know I have both been nurturing some of our burgeoning-talented writers and been campaigning forcefully in support of our purpose and against dark forces that seek to throw brimstone dust on our bulbs, it’s been quite some time since I published my own work here, so I take this opportunity to do so and in the hope that you don’t overlook Esther’s piece.
The Email
A parent has 2 prime responsibilities:1A) loving one’s children unconditionally and, especially when the child is young, making sure the child feels loved; 1B) discussing life lessons that the parent has learned. These two things will prepare a child to be an adult and to navigate life.
Learning only happens from making mistakes. A parent can discuss lessons it has learned in the hope that the child will recognize that it is in a situation like the parent described and not make a mistake, but learning cannot happen without making mistakes.
So the first lesson from me: do not worry about perfection. Do your best, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection paralyze you; be ok with making mistakes if you do not repeat the same mistake over and over and over again. You will, many times. Eventually, awareness will set in you’ll see yourself heading towards the same mistake, and then you’ll do something differently, large or small, and you will avoid the mistake.
I could go on for many pages probably, but I want to focus on the most important lesson I can help you with, one that took me my entire adult life to learn: one will never achieve success if they follow a path ill-suited for one’s essential nature. People can measure success in many ways. Most often success is thought of in financial terms and we can stick with that. A distant third to responsibilities 1A and 1B is providing financially. At this, I have not been successful and instead of getting better, it’s been getting worse. People look at how smart I am and think certain things must hinder me. Truthfully, even those certain things would not retard me, and may not even exist, if I had looked within and charted my own course rather than just follow the standard, go to college, go to grad school, get a good job path without giving much thought to what the proper career choice for me. Becoming a lawyer seemed to fit; I realized at about 20 that law fit better than business, and law school and a few years as a lawyer was in all events a good choice and maybe even the right choice up to a point, but it is not the correct-sized round hole for my round peg.
You have probably heard, “try as you might, you cannot fit a square peg into a round hole.” Not heard is that a round peg will fit a square hole, but not well. If the diameter of the circle is just a smidge smaller than the sides of the square, it will fit ok but there will be lots of unfilled space — unfulfillment. That’s ok. Maybe. But if the diameter is any smaller than that, it will endlessly slide around and get bruised banging into the walls of the square. That is me. I have clues to what my calling is and it is never too late to remake oneself and I shall succeed.
The important thing that I can impart to you now is to learn to look within. You already know every answer you need in life. Be patient, sit with decisions until they not only seem right but feel right. Trust your gut. There is a difference between doubts in your head and feelings in your gut. There is a difference between being nervous in your gut and something really not feeling right in your gut. You will need to discern for yourself how to discern those differences; everybody is different. I can help you when you are trying to tell the difference if you come to me for help. I can guide you but the ultimate decision would have to be yours. It’s fine to make mistakes. I just hope you recognize mistakes way earlier than I have.
WRITTEN BY