avatarMark Suroviec, M.Ed.

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Abstract

00">Begin, but not finish, a sophisticated prank to create a satirical Wikipedia page in his honor.</p><div id="ed66" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-prank-failed-before-it-started-6a4ee83584c3"> <div> <div> <h2>My Prank Failed Before It Started</h2> <div><h3>Et Tu Philipe?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*1N-2MTPdxbS7c5Rk)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="faac">Five</h2><p id="3bec">Invite him out for a night on the town in classily American establishments like Walmart or the Costco food court. He will never be the same again.</p><h2 id="b6e4">Six</h2><p id="4e8a">Place him within ten meters of any of <a href="undefined">Lindy Vogel</a>’s children. He’ll be sick for “67 of the next 95 business days.”</p><div id="d642" class="link-block"> <a href="https://swearymommy.com/is-it-normal-for-everybody-to-be-sick-this-much-30bbad69cb2c"> <div> <div> <h2>Is it Normal For Everybody to Be Sick This Much?</h2> <div><h3>There’s a Tilt-A-Whirl of illness in my household</h3></div> <div><p>swearymommy.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*99J5USyyeyVTKTRVhMVXeg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="331a">Seven</h2><p id="a5e1">Pray for God or <a href="undefined">Patrick Eades</a> to return Philip’s passion for non-Medium writing. I hear God takes both credit and debit cards now.</p><div id="bbe5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-god-problem-solver-4fbd78c66517"> <div> <div> <h2>The God Problem Solver</h2> <div><h3>Crime pays, very poorly</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*0nfqt738DH-Zulit)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="9a63">Eight</h2><p id="1204">Invite Philip to be your friend on MySpace. He won't have time for Medium meta posting when he burrows down the rabbit hole of early 2000s social media.</p><div id="0587" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/medium-should-be-more-like-myspace-1fb266b7ad9d"> <div> <div> <h2>Medium Should Be More Like MySpace</h2> <div><h3>You don’t need the algorithm to follow your favorite writers</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*JAW_BN8YRIccEwEJbIICYQ.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="9c52">Nine</h2><p id="b957">Please read one of his astute ecological pieces and remind him that he is a talented writer who doe

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sn’t have to stoop to the dregs of shameless self-promoters like <a href="undefined">Smillew Rahcuef</a> or <a href="undefined">Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.</a></p><h2 id="af41">Ten</h2><p id="5aff">Invite him inside the mind of <a href="undefined">Bicho</a>. Like handcuffs made of Kryptonite, there is no escape from the joyful madness.</p><div id="1bd3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/bicho-bichodomato-prank-humor-92b8a3872fcf"> <div> <div> <h2>Because I Still Owe You (a) Prank(s)</h2> <div><h3>Bicho April Fool’s day prank</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*3CC240X3-8tInN6ktK-52g.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="b616">Eleven</h2><p id="12b3">Add an 11th reason later when you are feeling more clever.</p><h2 id="ac2e">Twelve</h2><p id="892d">Make him an editor of Doctor Funny. Even though he’s <a href="https://medium.com/@workplaysol/list/dear-notadoctor-mark-6ae5e8a478fa">Not-a-Doctor</a>.</p><div id="ba22" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/ive-just-been-made-editor-of-doctor-funny-that-ll-be-a-laugh-733d116aa6c7"> <div> <div> <h2>I’ve Just Been Made Editor of Doctor Funny — That’ll Be A Laugh!</h2> <div><h3>Introducing a new jerk to the team</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Ubf3xEu4GC3eTGsf1HA61Q.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="48c9">Takeaway</h1><p id="7045">Philip Ogley should be prosecuted and given the maximum sentence for his crimes against — sorry, that’s another story. ³</p><h2 id="987a">Footnote</h2><p id="942a">¹ I have not.</p><p id="0a08">² My double-dribble-drabble response to a brilliant prompt from <a href="undefined">JF Danskin</a>.</p><div id="bbae" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/22-very-random-writing-prompts-cbd596ec2dc1"> <div> <div> <h2>22 Very Random Writing Prompts!</h2> <div><h3>Time to throw the dice in your fiction…?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*eI-fGO2HmGjgE1t-)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="aa5f">³ I hope readers understand that Philip is one of my favorite writers and I wrote this story to be playful, not mean. If my words come across as inappropriately antagonistic, it's because either 1) I suck at writing, or 2) I suck at writing.</p><p id="6072"><i>Want to read unlimited stories by authors with fewer stories about Medium than <a href="undefined">Philip Ogley</a>?</i> <a href="https://medium.com/@workplaysol/membership"><b><i>Join Medium here</i></b></a>, <i>and I shall cease roasting Philip for at least a week. Maybe.</i></p></article></body>

LISTICLE MANIA!

Twelve Ways To Stop Philip Ogley Writing Pieces About Medium

Is it time for an intervention?

Philip giving his plants a stern lecture — Photo by cottonbro studio: Pexels

Should you read this story by Philip Ogley — which shall henceforth be carved on stone tablets for future generations — you will notice his obsessive 💖💗💓💞💟❣️ of listicles.

Should I read Philip’s story ¹ — I would feel an irresistible urge to create one of the hyperbolic lists referenced in his foundational work of modern literature. By their nature, irresistible urges should be acted upon without thought unless you are in public.

I now present to you the boost-eligible magna carta of tomfoolery:

Twelve Ways To Stop Philip Ogley Writing Pieces About Medium

One

Cozy up to Grandma Smillew with bribes of hot cocoa until she accidentally drops him from the All About M publication.

Two

Steal his gardening equipment and ransom them back over several weeks. How do you write elaborately mysterious clues about shovels and rakes? Employ Medium’s unofficial Official Detective — Inspector General Victor Cardenas, and use his sleuthing powers for personal gain.

Three

Mock him for living in a fictitious country that he refers to as “France.” Like any student of history, Philip knows deep inside his left intestine that France was an imaginary Elven village existing solely in the mind of JRR Tolkien. Lord of the Rings isn’t real, buddy. ²

Four

Begin, but not finish, a sophisticated prank to create a satirical Wikipedia page in his honor.

Five

Invite him out for a night on the town in classily American establishments like Walmart or the Costco food court. He will never be the same again.

Six

Place him within ten meters of any of Lindy Vogel’s children. He’ll be sick for “67 of the next 95 business days.”

Seven

Pray for God or Patrick Eades to return Philip’s passion for non-Medium writing. I hear God takes both credit and debit cards now.

Eight

Invite Philip to be your friend on MySpace. He won't have time for Medium meta posting when he burrows down the rabbit hole of early 2000s social media.

Nine

Please read one of his astute ecological pieces and remind him that he is a talented writer who doesn’t have to stoop to the dregs of shameless self-promoters like Smillew Rahcuef or Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.

Ten

Invite him inside the mind of Bicho. Like handcuffs made of Kryptonite, there is no escape from the joyful madness.

Eleven

Add an 11th reason later when you are feeling more clever.

Twelve

Make him an editor of Doctor Funny. Even though he’s Not-a-Doctor.

Takeaway

Philip Ogley should be prosecuted and given the maximum sentence for his crimes against — sorry, that’s another story. ³

Footnote

¹ I have not.

² My double-dribble-drabble response to a brilliant prompt from JF Danskin.

³ I hope readers understand that Philip is one of my favorite writers and I wrote this story to be playful, not mean. If my words come across as inappropriately antagonistic, it's because either 1) I suck at writing, or 2) I suck at writing.

Want to read unlimited stories by authors with fewer stories about Medium than Philip Ogley? Join Medium here, and I shall cease roasting Philip for at least a week. Maybe.

Satire
Humor
Writing
Medium
Life
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