Doctor Funny News
I’ve Just Been Made Editor of Doctor Funny — That’ll Be A Laugh!
Introducing a new jerk to the team
After a year on Medium, a publication finally asked me to be part of their editorial team.
I spoke to Doctor Funny Head Honcho, Big Mac himself, Michael (Cheese) Burg(er) MD, last night on the phone, and he assured me of his total trust and confidence.
I’ll be able to edit or reject future submissions in any way I see fit, as well as publish my own content whenever I wish. AND AS MUCH AS I WANT!
Clearly, he hasn’t read my stuff. Hasn’t read my 69-minute essay in French on the German philosopher Georg Hegel.
If I’d submitted this before, I would have been given a firm rebuke by one of the editors. Told it isn’t comedy, it’s culture and we don’t want that!
Now though, I can publish what I want. And I have a lot of very long essays on dead European philosophers. Some of which run on for over four hours.
It won’t be long before someone on Medium reports me for having overly long pieces, or writing in a foreign language. Or for putting in a semicolon instead of a full stop. Or using too many ellipsis or line breaks or dropped capitals …. …. …
Talking of Being REPORTED!
There are a few writers on the Doctor Funny rooster (or is it roster?) who I know personally. Writers who have reported me over the past year, so I’m really looking forward to crushing their spirits over the next few months.
Naturally, I can’t name any names as that might create a climate of fear. Writers might leave en masse and migrate to Slackjaw. Good luck with that! I’ve applied ten times to write for this publication, and keep getting the same email back.
Dear Phil,
Thanks for your submission, but we’d rather suck farts out of our asses than publish this junk.
Clearly, I’m not funny enough. But funny enough for Doctor Funny. Am I ill?
Anyway, I’m looking forward to working with (or against) the three other editors. Those being —
- The Big Cheese himself Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier).
- Kristine Laco, who edited my Pulitzer Prize (aka Boosted) winning article Ten Telltale Signs Your Writing Sucks.
- Jennifer McDougall, who was the first person to send a piece back to me saying it wasn’t funny.
She was right though. My piece entitled “Are you on Wikipedia?”, subsequently published elsewhere, scored a 2% read ratio, my lowest ever! So clearly, these people know what they’re talking about, even if I don’t.
For stuff that didn’t get on Slackjaw, check out:
