MEDIUM PRANKS
My Prank Failed Before It Started
Et Tu Philipe?
I tried to play an elaborate prank on Medium Writer & Satire Ninja — Philip Ogley. My trick failed so unceremoniously that I feel compelled to write this rubbish heap of a story to explain how brilliant it would have been.
In January, Philip published this woe-is-me; Eeyore seems like a super cheerful guy in comparison, kind of story about being snubbed by Wikipedia.
Was it the most incredible piece of offbeat comedy ever experienced? No. Did chubby angels put down their harps and descend to earth, eager to add PO’s words as a new book of the Bible? Nope. Will I sound like a leaky anusbucket if I continue to put down his writing? Yes.
The genuine truth is that his story inspired me — to mess with Philip. Fun-Mark overrode every impulse that Middle-Aged Responsible-Adult-Mark signaled to my muddled brain. Of course, he would find my prank hilarious. Aren’t all the humor and satire writers of Medium one big supportive community where we make fun of each other, and it never crosses the line of hurt feelings or experiencing creepy painted tortoise? ¹
My Evil Non-Genius Plan
As you can guess by the subtitle of his article, Philip does not have a Wikipedia page.
What if I created one for him?
Not a genuine page that showcases his diverse talents as a writer or interests as a grower of plant-type plants. What if Philip’s newly created Wiki was the same dry, self-deprecating Excalibur-sharp humor Philip wields like a French King Arthur or Angela and her deadly Katana blade?
Would not that be the perfect prank? To take an inside joke from Medium and post it to Wikipedia interwebs— for realsies?
Philip Ogley Wikipedia Entry
How it would read:
Birth: Philip Ogley was born in Leeds, West Yorkshire, United Kingdom, in 1974.
Life: Philip Ogley is a “writer,” in sarcastic quotes, on Medium.something, and is best known for not being Philip Ogden. He once answered a question on Quora. In 2022 he won the Medium Superlative, “Least likely to be named Patrick.” ²
Philip is the author of Le Glitch, a French novel that critics unanimously agree “has 211 pages.” ³
Death: Not yet
Where it all fell apart
I created a genuine Wikipedia account and skipped through the tutorials on creating pages for famous people. Opening my fresh-as-a-baby’s-turd Wiki profile, my quest to immortalize Sir Philip of Tarn-et-Garrone lasted twelve seconds. The lords of the Wikiverse produced this cautious warning:
Want to create a new article? Wikipedia editors recommend you try a few medium and hard tasks before attempting a new article.
Do you doubt my intelligence Wikipedia? Do you believe me to be some uneducated swine who fails at making coffee or sucks at Twitter? You can’t stop me and my Mensa-like brain juice; I will click the blue contribute button and…
…find the link disabled.
How I gave up
I gave up, convincing myself the prank wasn’t that funny.
Takeaway ⁴
Who knew that it was this hard to write on Wikipedia?
If you plan an epic stunt that will embarrass someone you’ve never met offline, document your failure. Otherwise, they’ll never know how much you believe them to be a damn good writer.
Footnotes:
¹ Creepy painted tortoise is the emotional cousin animal to the awkward turtle.
² [tie] with Tejaswini Katreddy
³ What the reviews of Le Glitch say: “★★★★★ Le Glitch is a fast-paced, entertaining read, with a hugely accurate and honest characterization of French rural life.”
⁴ [included to be Boost eligible]
Also by Philip “Boost” Ogley
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