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Abstract

wet t-shirt contest — wondering how the situation escalated so quickly.</p><h2 id="74e6">Catch 22</h2><p id="af13">How on earth do I clean up all this mess? With an ironic laugh, I realized I could think my way out of this situation if only I had some coffee.</p><p id="0440">But to make coffee, I had to tidy up the mess and reboot the wet machine without getting electrocuted.</p><figure id="1124"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*BebNYDtO1Sik5cWT"><figcaption><b>10,000 volts of joy. Who wants to play lighting tag?</b> Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@721y?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">chutipon Pattanatitinon</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="9952">How I got electrocuted</h2><p id="6280">I scrubbed the kitchen and coffee machine using paper towels and bleach wipes. The tongs on the power cord were especially sticky. I wiped them off and plugged the device into the electrical outlet when</p><p id="f537" type="7">Zap!!!</p><p id="367b">The coffee machine turned on as intended, with no unexpected power surges.</p><p id="4860">Were you expecting me to get electrocuted? What’s wrong with you? All I wanted this morning was a steaming cup of Joe, and your sadistic self hoped to be amused by flesh-sizzling personal injuries.</p><p id="bd05">Don’t try to defend yourself. I don’t want to hear,</p><p id="694b" type="7">Mark, you literally wrote the subtitle, “How I got electrocuted.”</p><p id="ff59">You can’t blame me for the darkness of your soul. I know the <i>real</i> you, and it scares me.</p><p id="d57b"><i>[Author’s note: Delete the paragraph of sadistic paranoia after I drink more coffee]</i></p><h1 id="6873">Footnotes</h1><p id="aa42">¹ Don’t worry; I’m conscious of climate change. To help offset plastic pollution, I only use K-Cups made of sustainably sourced baby seals.

Options

You’re welcome.</p><p id="8c05">² Margaret <i>“</i>Thatch Attack<i>”</i> Thatcher bobblehead has a street value of $90,000.</p><p id="d19c"><i>Do you enjoy humorous stories of failure?</i></p><div id="7893" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-second-most-embarrassing-moment-workplay-solutions-f106c71f264c"> <div> <div> <h2>My Second-Most Embarrassing Moment</h2> <div><h3>Stu, my co-facilitator, and I decided to instruct the kids through a playful game of tag as the first activity. We…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*SNwH6lXSDI9mH89B)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="ff50"><i>From the Queen of Failure herself, <a href="undefined">Annie Trevaskis</a></i></p><div id="6b34" class="link-block"> <a href="https://annietrevaskis.medium.com/how-to-be-a-failure-part-g-790f981320e4"> <div> <div> <h2>How to Be a Failure (Part G)</h2> <div><h3>Making the mistakes, so you don’t have to</h3></div> <div><p>annietrevaskis.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*lOnu1zpioIWbjQql)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="dccf"><i>New to Medium? Want to read unlimited stories by great authors? <a href="https://medium.com/@workplaysol/membership"><b>Join Medium here</b></a>, and I get some extra pennies.</i></p><p id="50d0"><i>Want to save me from future coffee disasters? Click the tip button to <a href="https://ko-fi.com/workplaysol"><b>buy me a coffee</b></a>.😉</i></p></article></body>

#Fail

How to Fail at Making Coffee

Adulting 101 mishaps

Not my coffee maker. Photo by sandevil sandh on Unsplash

[Warning: The following story makes Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. sound less intelligent than he is. Or reveals he is much dumber than he believes.]

This morning I attempted to brew coffee with a single-serve coffee machine — And failed. ¹

I feel pretty embarrassed by this fact. My coffee maker is so uncomplicated that a naked mole rat could brew dark Sumatra without needing a MoleTube tutorial. How can any human screw up a coffee machine with only one button?

What happened

Before putting in the coffee pod and pressing the start button, I should have placed a coffee mug underneath the dispenser.

I did not.

Instead, twelve liquid ounces of mahogany-colored caffeine poured over the kitchen counter, cabinets, and floor. Our floor was stickier than the after-cake time of a toddler’s birthday party. The newspaper was thoroughly coffee-logged. My rare bobblehead collection of Former British Prime Ministers Dressed as Professional Wrestlers were ruined. ²

I carried the café machinery to the sink. Failing to understand cause & effect, gravity, and other laws of physics, I tipped the coffee maker upside down to drain the spillage. The entire water reservoir drenched my clothing.

I stood there standing sadly by myself — in the world’s least appealing wet t-shirt contest — wondering how the situation escalated so quickly.

Catch 22

How on earth do I clean up all this mess? With an ironic laugh, I realized I could think my way out of this situation if only I had some coffee.

But to make coffee, I had to tidy up the mess and reboot the wet machine without getting electrocuted.

**10,000 volts of joy. Who wants to play lighting tag?** Photo by chutipon Pattanatitinon on Unsplash

How I got electrocuted

I scrubbed the kitchen and coffee machine using paper towels and bleach wipes. The tongs on the power cord were especially sticky. I wiped them off and plugged the device into the electrical outlet when

Zap!!!

The coffee machine turned on as intended, with no unexpected power surges.

Were you expecting me to get electrocuted? What’s wrong with you? All I wanted this morning was a steaming cup of Joe, and your sadistic self hoped to be amused by flesh-sizzling personal injuries.

Don’t try to defend yourself. I don’t want to hear,

Mark, you literally wrote the subtitle, “How I got electrocuted.”

You can’t blame me for the darkness of your soul. I know the real you, and it scares me.

[Author’s note: Delete the paragraph of sadistic paranoia after I drink more coffee]

Footnotes

¹ Don’t worry; I’m conscious of climate change. To help offset plastic pollution, I only use K-Cups made of sustainably sourced baby seals. You’re welcome.

² Margaret “Thatch Attack” Thatcher bobblehead has a street value of $90,000.

Do you enjoy humorous stories of failure?

My Second-Most Embarrassing Moment

Stu, my co-facilitator, and I decided to instruct the kids through a playful game of tag as the first activity. We…

medium.com

From the Queen of Failure herself, Annie Trevaskis

How to Be a Failure (Part G)

Making the mistakes, so you don’t have to

annietrevaskis.medium.com

New to Medium? Want to read unlimited stories by great authors? Join Medium here, and I get some extra pennies.

Want to save me from future coffee disasters? Click the tip button to buy me a coffee.😉