Medium Superlatives: 2022 Edition

Because there’s no prom queen for writers

Since the only recognition you can get at Medium are Top Writer and small amounts of cash, I’m creating new ones.

These are a few of the writers I’m thankful for in 2022. ¹

Best of Class

— Most likely to write a comment funnier than all my humor and satire combined: Kristen Stark

— Most likely to create original and hilariously condescending euphemisms for Donald Trump: Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier)

— Most likely to leave you a long and heartfelt genuine comment: Hollie Petit, Ph.D.

— Most likely to suck worse than me at Twitter: Jennifer Barrios Tettay.

What is more embarrassing than having 8 followers on Twitter? Having zero followers. Even a 5000% increase would still be zero. — Jennifer Barrios Tettay

— Most likely to get blocked for his scathingly humourous mockery of other writers: Grimsby Hackney

— Short profile that made me laugh uncontrollably and immediately read it out loud to my wife: Oscar Rhea

— Most supportive: Toni Greathouse

Can I get an S.O.S.?

— Most likely to ignore my dumbass fiction about Medium’s private island: Tony Stubblebine

— Most likely to cause you to read the same story three times and still not know if he’s telling the truth or messing with you: Smillew Rahcuef

— Most likely to teach honest, professional writing advice, for which I am grateful: Linda Caroll

— Most likely to be known more for the quantity of his hi-lighting than the quality of his science fiction — which is genuinely fun to read: David Perlmutter

— Most likely to run multiple fantastic publications simultaneously: Debra Groves Harman, MEd. — Also, most likely to tell me I have abbreviated my master’s degree incorrectly for months. Thank you, DGH.

— Most likely to infect the world with kindness and humor: Srini

— Most likely to sell you a 44 million dollar naval vessel: Also Srini.

— Most likely to write stories so clever I don’t know what on God’s green earth he’s talking about half the time: BichoDoMato

— Most likely to be an actual deity in human form: Kristina God

— Most likely to read my stories which shows that she has surprisingly poor taste: Annie Trevaskis

— Most likely to read my stories and clap 50 times because I begged before she went to bed, even though she doesn’t like satire and had a long day at work providing for our family. Harperac

I love you, Alice.

— Most likely to write delightful stories across any niche and topic: Michelle Teheux

— Most talented storyteller who bizarrely has less than a thousand followers somehow: Raine Lore

— Most likely to make me appreciate how simple my life is with only two children: Laurel B. Miller

— Most likely to ignore my comments, but we probably wouldn’t get along in real life. [Redacted]

— Writer who’s so darn funny that if she formed a club, I would desperately do anything — not sexual — to be one of the cool kids and learn the secret handshake: Kristine Laco

— Most likely to be named Patrick: [tie] Patrick Metzger and Patrick Eades

— Least likely to be named Patrick. [tie] Philip Ogley and Tejaswini Katreddy

— I don’t know what his “most likely” is, but oh man, I love his humor: [Bad] Ideas For Writers (& Life)

— Most subtle user of brilliant humor: Philip Mann-Montreal

Phillip wrote a listacle starting with every letter of the alphabet. It was so well done I didn’t notice the pattern until letter “V”. ²

— Most overrated Medium writer with 124k followers, and after reading multiple stories, I still don’t understand what the big deal is. [Redacted]

— Most likely to be a guest on a future episode of my podcast: Christopher Robin.

— Best social commentary, especially when I disagree with his stance on a topic: Argumentative Penguin

— Favorite Writer of the Year: Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.

Wait, What??? You can’t give the award to yourself, you pompous ass-clown.

Take the Medium Superlative challenge. What writer awards would you give for 2022?

Footnotes

¹ This is not the complete list of all the writers I enjoyed or appreciated this year. Don’t be discouraged if you weren’t mentioned in this story. Perhaps I love your stuff and didn’t want to tag too many people obnoxiously.

² Or maybe I’m significantly dumber than I think I am.

Want more Medium themed humor?

New to Medium? Want to read unlimited stories by great authors? Join Medium here, and I get some extra pennies.