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Ed.</a> and <a href="undefined">Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier)</a>. Hours of fun!You can choose your own!Then I fill up the remaining pages — remember the max length for a Medium article is Four Hours — with formatting shortcuts and needless punctuation.The line break is my favourite…As well as the Dropped Capital, Bold Type, Italics, and ellipsis……followed by a<h1 id="7783">Heading</h1>Or a<h2 id="33d1">Subheading</h2>Followed by a meaningless image<figure id="3c17"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*udWiD9zF-iDlkembm3bLLQ.png"><figcaption>A MEANINGLESS IMAGE (Noun <a href="https://thenounproject.com/icon/list-4896121/">Project</a>)</figcaption></figure>Then a whole series of meaningless pseudo philosophical questions and answers like:— Can I Write?— NO!Which gives you the perfect opportunity to introduce the Em — Dash and numbered bullet points —1. So that your2. Whole piece3. Slowly starts looking like4. A Listicle5. Which is6. Exactly what you wanted7. Because you have neither the talent8. Nor brainpower to write anything9. Else except a listicle10. Or a Poem (In Ten Easy Steps)Then when you’ve finished, you can publish it on some self-righteous Medium publication like Boring Humans or The Fuck-Up and wait for your ten-minute piece to be boosted along with all the other crap.Good luck!Thanks for reading. For more ripped off garbage, check out!<div id="31e1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/ten-telltale-signs-your-writing-sucks-a3a01aedee52"> <div> <div> <h2>Ten Telltale Signs Your Writing Sucks!</h2> <div><h3>And how NOT to improve it</h3></div>

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            <h2>Have You Discovered the Listicle Magic Number Yet — I Have!</h2>
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            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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            <div><h3>Because you’re an idiot!</h3></div>
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Pointless Writing Advice

How to Drag Out Your Medium Piece to Four Hours— And Still Make No Money!

Become the long form writer you always wanted to be

**Short on ideas — fill your piece with garbage! (**Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash)

I wrote a piece a few weeks ago, entitled

Four Hour Medium Reads Are IN — Short Pieces are OUT!

Unfortunately, many readers complained they simply didn’t have the brainpower or talent to write more than 8-lines.

One reader openly admitted that even if she has good intentions, after one sentence she switches to a listicle. She says it’s in her blood, and thinks she’s turning into a vampire.

But why not? Self-help writers have been sucking dry non-existent problems for decades.

Why can’t you?

Ten Ways To Avoid Slipping in the Shower

Foot Fungus! — A Cure in Eight Easy Steps

Cut Down to Zero Calories a Day— Saw Yourself in Half!

Manage Time Better — Shoot Yourself!

See! It’s easy. Just think of a topic — any topic in the world — and put a number in front of it!

Twelve Ways To Stop Philip Ogley Writing Pieces About Medium!

There you go, you’re winning already!

One of my favourite techniques is criticizing other writers. Take one of their poorly thought-out pieces and ruthlessly pull it apart. Some of my regular targets are Smillew Rahcuef, Uvebruce, Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. and Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier). Hours of fun!

You can choose your own!

Then I fill up the remaining pages — remember the max length for a Medium article is Four Hours — with formatting shortcuts and needless punctuation.

The line break is my favourite…

As well as the Dropped Capital, Bold Type, Italics, and ellipsis…

…followed by a

Heading

Or a

Subheading

Followed by a meaningless image

Then a whole series of meaningless pseudo philosophical questions and answers like:

— Can I Write?

— NO!

Which gives you the perfect opportunity to introduce the Em — Dash and numbered bullet points —

1. So that your

2. Whole piece

3. Slowly starts looking like

4. A Listicle

5. Which is

6. Exactly what you wanted

7. Because you have neither the talent

8. Nor brainpower to write anything

9. Else except a listicle

10. Or a Poem (In Ten Easy Steps)

Then when you’ve finished, you can publish it on some self-righteous Medium publication like Boring Humans or The Fuck-Up and wait for your ten-minute piece to be boosted along with all the other crap.

Good luck!

Thanks for reading. For more ripped off garbage, check out!

Ten Telltale Signs Your Writing Sucks!

And how NOT to improve it

medium.com

Have You Discovered the Listicle Magic Number Yet — I Have!

Everything you wanted to know about writing pointless articles

medium.com

Five Hundred Ways To Get Boosted On Medium You Never Thought Of!

Because you’re an idiot!

medium.com

Do Medium Readers Actually Like Comedy?

And if not, why the fuck do we bother?

muddyum.net