LGBTQIA+

Trans-Identity Gatekeepers Will be Blocked

Why I have zero tolerance

Transphobes come in all sizes, shapes, and patterns, and they even come in the form of community members. This has been a harsh lesson. For the most part, the LGBTQIA+ community has been amazing and welcoming but alas, as if you needed proof, they are also people. And in every community, there are people that want to gatekeep that community. People who believe that the only way to be in that community is in the way in which they exist within it, or at least believe they do.

I wrote an article that explained why, as a baby-trans, trans-related topics are so important for me to write about and to share. I talked about my past, why it took me so long to find myself, and I shared this:

I know the feeling of unconditional love now because I receive it from strangers on a daily basis. I grieved the loss of the simplicity of life because embracing my trans identity means certain challenges like complete strangers telling me I’m an abomination — yep, it happened on Medium!

Here’s the full article if you are interested:

I received some incredible comments like:

I was in my 50’s. I like to say, “Better late than never!”

Thank you, Ray Gibson. I agree.

This helps me understand a friend who transitioned to male, grew facial hair and all, but now calls themself nonbinary.

Thanks.

Brilliant, Prickly Pam. This thrills me.

It doesn’t matter at what time in our lives that we start to figure out who we are, what matters is that you are finally in a place where you can explore who you are to the full. That is amazing… People talk about what they like, their kids, getting married, all sorts of things. You talking about trans topics should be no less important, or any more annoying. Talk about it to your hearts content. It can be a scary, but exciting time.

I love this so much, Tasha's Little Corner! So scary. So exciting.

See? Amazing and welcoming. And then I received a comment from a trans-woman who transitioned in the 70’s. A pioneer. Someone I want to be able to thank for everything she helped change. I do appreciate that about her but I still blocked her. She didn’t say anything overtly nasty or hurtful, or anything that directly attacked or invalidated me; however, her passive transphobia and gatekeeping was not something I was interested in exploring. What I’m doing here instead is exploring my own boundaries and why this is one I need to set.

I won’t share her profile or even directly quote her as I have no interest in attacking (nor validating the rhetoric) but I will talk about some of the themes mentioned that led me to my decision to set this hard boundary. She mentioned being tired of hearing our late-bloomer narrative of not knowing we were trans and that we approach it as if it was a new life awakening.

Yet, that’s exactly what it is for me, for all the reasons I’ve already outlined in the article above.

I’m not going to deny that my world has completed shifted. I love it. I’m embracing it. I’ve felt mostly love and support from the trans community. I’ve been mostly validated in my experience by the trans community. Would it make this person more comfortable if I stayed hidden and pretended that change isn’t a welcome luxury? Perhaps. But do I care? Absolutely not, because I am living for me. For no one else. I cannot live for anyone else. This is my lesson. So if my experience as a late-bloomer makes someone else uncomfortable, that sounds like a them problem, not a me problem.

There was some additional wording around ‘passing’ that eluded to transgender people these days being too sensitive about it. I found that interesting as I have never (at least, not before this article) mentioned passing or even suggested I want to. Pass as what? What does that even mean? I’m still figuring out how I want to see myself, I don’t have the time or thought availability to consider how others will see me nor the F’s left to care.

I’m not here to be repressed and bound because another person has decided I don’t meet their standards, and more so, I’m not here to pamper such toxic and deadly rhetoric from anyone because I don’t want my readers to see it. I don’t want my readers and followers, particularly babytrans, or those whose eggs are barely cracking, to think that I condone invalidating anyone for their existence, experience, or emotions. I wrote another article in which I touched on the dangers of gatekeepers:

When I first began consciously questioning my truth, I saw a lot of gatekeepers claiming that you had to have gender dysphoria to be trans. Luckily, I saw many more saying that was incorrect because, at the time, I didn’t believe I had experienced gender dysphoria. Whether you believe the premise or not (and this is without even going down the rabbit hole of what the umbrella term of trans really encompasses), this article explains my personal experience. And personal experience cannot be invalidated no matter how hard some people try to convince you otherwise.

What harm does it do to allow everyone their own experience and their own exploration in their own time?

So, that is why I’ve set a very strong boundary and I will now block trans identity gatekeepers without question. Of course, if I am presented with a question, education, or a new point-of-view, I will lap that up and engage — let’s have a conversation. But I will not allow trans identity gatekeeping. I am still on my journey and for my own safety and mental health and that of my followers and readers, they cannot be a presence in my existence let alone on my pages.

I am all about learning and listening to other opinions and thoughts, but I am not interested in hearing opinions that attempt to invalidate experiences or emotions. I spent 45 years listening to those opinions from people I cared about. I am not going to listen to it from a stranger and I am not going to be part of allowing those opinions to be heard by others who could be harmed by them.

And so, I block.

MIC DROP!

*swaggers away super suave like*

I had a little fun with another article lightly exploring the psychology of transphobia. On that note, it’s time to move on to bigger and better things. Follow and watch this space, because I’m about to begin my medical transition!