It’s a Transphobia Troll-demic

Transgender is not a choice. Here’s one reason why.

Choosing Trans? I Don’t Think So!

No one would choose to be hated just for being alive. Would they? I wouldn’t think so. It’s certainly not a choice I’m making, and yet, by openly sharing that I am in fact transgender, I am hated. For living. For existing. For being me. I am not making a choice to be attacked, I am simply making the choice to stop hiding. I am making the choice to be happy. How dare I! I had no idea how easy I had it in my nice little heteronormative world, even if it was pretend.

I’m 45 years old, and yet 20-year-olds and even younger take it upon themselves to tell me how I should act, behave, live. 50-year-olds tell me I’m a silly child. It’s an interesting world when someone else believes they hold the right to pass judgment or assumptions about another person, even one they do not know.

I thought I had thick skin. But in the questioning of gender, and the decision to share my journey — because when I went looking for education and stories, I found so little of what I needed at the time— I discovered my skin is paper-thin. I should not have to thicken it, for I’m only thickening it to deflect the blades of hate. And yet, it is thickening. How sad.

I only have the strength to travel this path and to share it because of the trauma I’ve already overcome. This is not a woe is me story, just stating facts and moving on. It truly sucks that I needed to be so completely broken, shattered, and unloved before I could be strong enough to handle the idea of being transgender. If I wasn’t weighed down with expectations and the judgment of wrongness, I never would have had to ‘come out’ because I just would have always been me. Now, I cannot escape judgment. It’s as if suddenly, my existence is up for debate.

Why all the Hate, my Guy?

But, this article is not a call to let me be, because I state with no doubt that the amount of unconditional love I’ve experienced since I stepped into the rainbow pool easily drowns out the hate. Yes, I received less hate before I came out but so too did I receive significantly less love. Choosing to be trans would be choosing to be hated. Accepting I’m trans is choosing to be loved by myself and others.

This article was intended to be more of an exploration of why some people hate so deeply that they feel the need to share that hate with others. Let’s back on track. This won’t be a deep dive — I don’t have time to write THAT article right now, but it will look at some real scientific evidence in the first step to understanding the transphobe.

Trolls are an epidemic. They are everywhere and they exist only to pull others down because they are unable to find any joy in and of themselves. They target those who are outside the norms because the norms are usually rife with disappointment and boredom. There are few that go outside the current societal claimed norms more than transgender individuals. Now, if you’ve been reading my other articles on this publication, you know that I identify as genderqueer, and that trans-masc sits nicely, but I am still hardcore questioning a definitive label (not that I need one). The core of being transgender is simply, not being cis, and I am not cis by the very definition.

From Merriam-Webster:

Definition of cisgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth

Definition of gender identity: a person’s internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female

For some reason that I personally can’t fathom, some individuals seem to take a non-conformist stance as being a personal afront or attack. Is transphobia the same as homophobia — simply a representation of repressed or denied feelings? And yes, science has shown that homophobia is associated with homosexual arousal. Oh, let me lay down some science on this one!

Only the homophobic men showed an increase in penile erection to male homosexual stimuli. The groups did not differ in aggression. Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies. — Adams, Wright, and Lohr, 1996.

Could it be jealousy? “Look at those queer folk out there doing the thing and not feeling guilty or shameful when I am beating myself up to be ‘normal.’ How dare they.” On that same thought path, are transphobes jealous of those of us who have the gumption to look beyond what others see and truly see ourselves?

Have you heard of Need-for-Closure (NFC)? People with high levels of NFC have much trouble with ambiguity — they need a firm answer, they need to ‘know’ and in the lack of that definitive evidence, they default to simple cognitive processing such as relying on past ideas, decisions, and judgments to define their present response. They are unlikely to change their minds about a preconceived idea because change is threatening, and anything outside of their perception of ‘normal’ becomes a processing difficulty. Studies have shown that those with high levels of NFC display higher levels of transphobia (Makwana et al, 2018). It makes sense. What also makes sense is why transphobes are so set in their ways. Of course, they are; our very existence and our willingness to grow and explore ourselves is a threat to their stable existence because if we can change, so can they — and THAT is the threat. That is the fear.

Sucks to be Stuck

Knowing this makes me feel better about untethering myself from those I must in order to grow. They can hold me back if I allow them and they are holding me back because it is too scary for them to consider coming with me. Is the fear that if they come with me, they will be forced to question themselves and in that questioning, they may find something that will threaten their inherent need for closure and certainty?

The most interesting thing to me about trolls, and specifically transphobic trolls, is this premise or idea that by telling me I am something to be ashamed of, by spewing hateful rhetoric at me, by telling me ‘Jesus loves me,’ through abuse and hate, they clarify my resolve towards my trans-identifying self. When I first started questioning, when I was still confused completely, I only received help, love, and support from within the LGBT2SQIA+ community and allies. Many interactions outside of the community and allies were hateful. I love my community. I am safe. I am loved. I could never be enticed away by hate. Trying to encourage the enlightened to change to a normative through shame and guilt is such a confusing idealogy to me.

Why Transphobes have been Good for my Journey

In a way, transphobes lengthened my journey to this point, as did gatekeepers, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m thankful that I’ve had an amazing community of support and for every hateful comment, I receive dozens of comments of support. I’ve also learned the most important lesson of all — a comment means nothing more than the reaction I have to it. And in understanding that, I can deal with all of that old trauma, unpack it with my gender therapist, and ultimately, find my deepest truth. With every transphobic comment, I can find a bit more of me.

Being transgender isn’t a choice, but choosing to live authentically is.

References:

Adams, HE, Wright, LW, Jr, & Lohr, BA 1996, Is homophobia associated with homosexual arousal? J Abnorm Psychol., vol.105, no.3, pp.440–5.

Makwana, AP, Dhont, K, De Keersmaecker, J, Akhlaghi-Ghaffarokh, P, Masure, M, & Roets, A 2018, The Motivated Cognitive Basis of Transphobia: The Roles of Right-Wing Ideologies and Gender Role Beliefs. Sex Roles, vol.79, no.3–4, pp 206–217.