Three Essential Characteristics of An Ideal Romantic Partner and Why Looks and Money Aren’t On The List

Dating With Confidence Series #8

This is #8 in The Dating With Confidence Series. Check out #1 to #7 plus 22 more articles from the archives.

Confused about what characteristics you want in an ideal romantic partner? You’re not alone.

Many people looking for love haven’t appropriately thought about the characteristics that matter.

One man commented in one of my articles that all the women on Tinder wanted the three sixes. A six-pack, six-foot-tall, and a six-figure income.

If a guy doesn’t have the three sixes, he’s got no hope of getting a date.

“Looks also soon wear off. People appear more or less good-looking as you get to know them.”

I have no way of knowing if this is true for everyone, but it is certainly one man’s perception of what it’s like searching for a romantic partner.

Men judge women too, usually on their appearance and age. When I was dating, I saw many men looking for a woman twenty years their junior.

So what should we look for in an ideal partner if it’s not looks and money?

I’ve already written about the importance of having shared values and goals in “Five Reasons You Need to Know Your Values and Goals Before Looking for Love”.

Here are three more suggestions of essential characteristics to look for in an ideal romantic partner:

Essential Characteristic of an Ideal Romantic Partner #1 — Be Kind

Some things make your life better, and some things don’t. An unkind partner is guaranteed to make your life worse.

Unkindness can take many forms, from comments about your intelligence, looks, skills, and attractiveness to criticisms of your cooking, choice of TV shows, and friends.

Unkind comments and behaviors can ruin a perfect day, so why invite it into your life in the form of a new partner.

Essential Characteristic of An Ideal Romantic Partner #2 — Tell it like it is

We all need a partner we can trust. Knowing what your partner says is true is necessary to a trust-based relationship.

Ensure that you insist on an honest partnership and ensure you are truthful in return.

In “Do You Have an Honest Relationship?”, Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. writes that when Dr. John Gottman, one of the United States top researchers on relationships looked at focus groups with couple all over the US, trust and betrayal was one of the most important issues that came up.

“Honesty is a key component of a healthy relationship, not only because it helps us avoid harmful breaches of trust, but because it allows us to live in reality as opposed to fantasy and to share this reality with someone else.” — Do You Have an Honest Relationship, Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.,psychalive.org.

If you have to discuss difficult topics where you or your partner might feel uncomfortable, agree on a no-blame approach.

You could also experiment with different styles of communication.

Would a text, email, or phone conversation work better than face-to-face initially? Of course, you must agree on how you approach complex topics beforehand.

A text out of the blue isn’t likely to be welcome.

Essential Characteristic of An Ideal Romantic Partner #3 — Here comes the fun

If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, make sure it’s someone you can have fun with.

In her book ‘The Power of Fun’, Catherine Price writes about how fun is the key to a happy and healthy life.

According to Price, fun comprises three components: playfulness, flow, and connection. True fun is when you are falling about laughing and having the time of your life with your friends. Or singing, dancing, hiking, or playing with your dog.

Price warns us to hold out for true fun. Fake fun, which appears to be fun but is detrimental to us, can lure us into thinking it’s true fun. Fake fun is obsessively shopping, bingeing on Netflix, and scrolling on social media.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have the odd Netflix and chill with your new partner. Rather check out whether you can have fun together.

After all, if the relationship works, you’ll be with them a long time.

Why not looks?

Although we must find our partners attractive it isn’t necessary that they are spectacularly good looking. We can all be attracted to plain-looking people.

Looks also soon wear off. People appear more or less good-looking as you get to know them. Or you don’t notice anymore. If someone has undesirable traits, their looks diminish in our eyes.

Your life is likely to be improved by someone with good traits like honesty and kindness. Your life won’t necessarily be improved long-term by someone else’s good looks.

Why not money?

The amount of cash someone has in the bank isn’t an indicator of how good a partner they will be.

I’m not suggesting you hook up with someone with massive debt who takes all your money. Rather look for a partner to provide you with a certain income level or lifestyle is unwise.

On my dating journey, I met several very well-off men. Some were decent people, and some were entitled, rude, and sexist.

A doctor friend once told me she had many patients married to rich men, and these women paid for their lifestyle with a complete lack of freedom. The rich husband dictated what they wore, where they went on holiday, and how they did their hair.

Looking for a partner based on how much they earn and what they can give you is not a good idea.

Summary

It’s a good idea to work out what you want in a partner. Just make sure that the things you are asking for are the things that will promote a healthy, long-time relationship.

The color of someone’s eyes or hair, height, or weight isn’t as important as their qualities as a person.

Of course, this is just my opinion based on my dating experiences, so feel free to disagree.