4 Reasons Why Women Should Always Pay Half on a Date If They Want to Remain Independent
Dating With Confidence #8
There is a lot of debate about who should pay on a date in today’s society. While some people believe that the man should always pay, others think it depends on the situation.
The tradition of men paying for dates comes from the dawn of dating at the beginning of the 20th Century.
In her book ‘Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating’, Moira Weigel writes about how women who went on dates in the early 1900s were assumed to be prostitutes and could end up in jail.
Women had flocked to the cities to find jobs and earned low wages as it was assumed that their fathers or husbands would pay their expenses.
These women could not afford to pay their own way on a date. They could barely afford to feed themselves.
Fast forward 120 years and women are in a much better position financially.
Based on my experience of dating, my view is that women should always pay half. It sends a strong signal that you are independent and are dating because you want a man and not because you need one to pay for your lifestyle.
1. Paying half on a date shows you are financially independent
Do you want to find a man who will value and respect your independence? If so, it’s time to start showing yourself as an independent woman on a date.
Picking up your share of the costs on a date sets the tone for the relationship — you’re equal partners who are willing to share the financial burden and responsibilities. You are a person in your own right, not a dependent that needs to be looked after.
Does this take the romance out of the relationship? It depends on how you do it.
I don’t suggest that you can never accept flowers or a meal from a man if he insists and wants to treat you, but rather that you pay your share most of the time.
What if you earn a lot less than the guy you are dating?
If you gather that your date is used to fine dining, make it clear that you can only afford more modest venues. You can either alternate, where your date treats you to a more expensive eatery, and you reciprocate with something more within your budget, or you can stick to the cheaper places and go halves.
What’s important is your willingness to fund your own dates.
2. You get to talk about money straight away
It doesn’t sound wildly romantic, but your choice of long-term partner is the most important financial decision you make.
Showing that you are happy to pay for your own meals can be a conversation starter for attitudes about money.
If you are contemplating a long-term liaison with your date, it’s essential to know their expectations. Are they a saver or a spender? Do they waste money, or are they a miser?
More importantly, what are their views on who pays for what in a relationship.
People base their money decisions on what their parents did so if your date’s dad worked and called the shots while his mum stayed at home and had less of a say, you need to know. Your date may think that is how things are done.
Our attitudes to money are picked up early, and unless we verbalize them, we might not be aware they even exist.
For example, your date may believe his work is more important than yours if he regards himself as the provider.
This might play out later if you move in together and start a family together. Who stays home and misses work so the plumber can fix the bathroom leak? Who takes the dog to the vet? Who stays home and looks after the kids?
These are all excellent topics for discussion later in the relationship, but signaling that you are independent early on is a good move.
I’ve seen many comments on dating sites where people were shocked at the financial expectations of their date. One woman was surprised when a man she was dating asked her to pay her share of a weekend away they were planning.
This woman was used to her ex-husband paying for everything. It hadn’t occurred to her that she was responsible for her share of the outing.
3. Being clear about independence helps you avoid toxic relationships
Being upfront about your financial freedom will help you avoid unhealthy relationships. If you’ve signaled that you like to pay for yourself and you’ve had some discussions about money, you can pick up any red flags.
I’ve been on a few dates who were polite and lovely men on the dating website but in person were rude and disrespectful to women. They talked about their ex-wives like property they had purchased.
These men were very much in the minority, but they do exist.
One woman I met had an ex-husband who did a monthly audit of the food cupboard and counted the tins of each product. If she couldn’t account for missing tins, she got a beating.
I’ve met a couple of women whose partners keep track of them by checking in on the bank account to see where they have been. These women were required to produce receipts and explanations of any purchases.
The message from these men is evident. The money belongs to them, and women must explain their spending.
Other women’ hide’ expenses by taking cash out at the supermarket or pretending that something they bought was a present from a friend.
I’m sure financially abused women do not set out to get a toxic partner. There must have been something appealing about their partners at the start of the relationship.
Summary
If you are looking for love and hoping it will turn into something permanent, make sure you consider your date’s attitude towards money.
Your choice of partner is the most critical money decision you will ever make. If you want a secure future, choose wisely.
When I was dating in my twenties, I thought talking about money was crass. But twenty years down the track after a divorce, it’s a different story.
How much money you have has a direct bearing on your available choices.
Where you live, who you live with, where your kids go to school, the sort of car you drive, and how much money is leftover at the end of the month for holidays, treats, and saving for your retirement.
These things all depend on the money you have available.
Ask the questions and choose wisely.
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