This Is Why Your Dreams Always Feel Out of Your Reach

Your inner talk determines your success.

I used to think people’s different beliefs and various backgrounds defined their success or failure in life.

While it is true that we do have numerous limiting assumptions, regardless of the household we grew up in, there is one underlying theme we buy into constantly:

I am not good enough.

And there is one need we all chase:

to be loved.

Regardless of your upbringing, no matter how affectionate your parents were, somewhere along the way, you got bullied, your heart got broken, your grades were not enough.

You started doubting yourself. Next, you embarked on a journey of proving your worth. The bar got higher.

Psychologist Amy Morin explains:

once you draw a conclusion about yourself, you’re likely to do two things; look for evidence that reinforces your belief and discount anything that runs contrary to your belief.

Social media has corroded our confidence and continue to hold us in its tight grasp of a never-ending comparison spin.

Our daily habits and self-talk suck us deeper and deeper into the vortex of debilitating beliefs. And it comes at a price —giving up on our dreams.

Since thoughts and feelings drive your behaviour, the thought: “I am not enough”, sabotages your growth.

You feel defeated. You don’t apply for a new job. Instead of asking that person out, you keep wishing. You allow sabotaging thoughts to take the driver’s seat. The loop keeps spinning.

You Don’t See the Reality for What It Is

Your reality is filtered through assumptions and concepts you picked up in childhood.

It is coloured with your memories, hypotheses and, unfortunately — limitations.

As you keep thinking the same thoughts, producing the same emotions and performing the same actions, you continue to live by the same experiences.

Every repeated thought or impulse becomes a habit for the mind.

We are who we have shaped us to become by dominant thoughts.

— Napoleon Hill

It is not that you have bad luck.

You believe you don’t have luck at all.

It is not the case that you pick toxic people as your partners.

You don’t believe you deserve better.

This is how it works:

no matter how great of a support system you have, until you start believing in yourself, nobody will.

How you feel about yourself will always mirror how others treat you.

Let’s say you consider yourself unattractive.

Regardless of how many people give you glances of admiration, you won’t recognize them as your thinking is stained by your faulty conviction.

When you believe that money is hard to come by, no matter how many opportunities come your way, you won’t notice them.

See? You live in an illusion of your creation.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

— Carl Jung

You stand in your way of improving the quality of your life.

It is not a coincidence that you perpetuate the same conflicts with different people.

It is not a coincidence that you fight over the same issues.

Events in your life match your frequency.

It All Stems From You

It is not your fault — this thinking will get you nowhere.

You are not the problem. You are the source because of thoughts and beliefs you chant on repeat.

Since you are the cause, you get to change the story. Isn’t that great?

You don’t have to change somebody else. All you have to do is tweak your beliefs.

Do not expect an internal solution from external change.

There is nothing to change in the outside world.

All you need to do is change your perspective. Neuroscientists refer to it as neuroplasticity — you can rewire your brain by creating new behavioural patterns where new cells fire together and wire together.

You Get to Change Your Life

Small changes add up to big results.

We have subscribed to the phoney story that only grand gestures lead to breakthroughs. When, in fact, small things do.

Starting from today.

Walk up to the mirror in the morning and say one genuine compliment to yourself.

Greet the day with gratitude for your breath, sight, and ability to move around this gorgeous planet.

Remind yourself how lucky you are that you get to experience this new day — the one you have never experienced before.

Smile to a stranger. Smile at your loved ones.

Compliment your friend.

Make an inventory of people you hang out with. If somebody drains your life of positivity, cut them out. Be ruthless.

Change the content you read and watch so that it supports your goals.

Give up criticism. Complimenting others will boost your self-esteem.

Quit social media if it makes you compare your life to the illusion of the lives of others.

How you feel about today sets the tone for your tomorrow.

The greatest expertise comes from observing yourself.

• How would you compliment yourself if you felt satisfied with your looks?

I bet you would praise and wouldn’t check the mirror that often. Are you cultivating it daily?

If not, change the inner dialogue.

• What would you focus on throughout the day had you been in a loving relationship?

I bet you would feel content, seen, without the need to chase somebody’s attention.

You would mark your dating life as done ✅ and cease worrying about meeting that special person.

You would focus on your career, health, or other interests.

• How would you act around your family had you built a successful career?

You would not care about their mean comments, as you already know your worth, and nobody can prove you otherwise.

You would not care about meeting that nosy aunt because you are happy and satisfied with your life, so who cares what she has to say anyway?

We only allow doubts of others to influence the quality of our lives as long as we doubt ourselves.

Start Thinking Like a New Person

How do you converse with yourself?

What would you say differently had you lived your desire?

Shift the perception of your persona.

When you change your beliefs, you become a different person because how you view yourself determines your actions.

Adopt new thoughts that lead to constructive habits. Watch how your outer world transforms as you shift your inner dialogue.

Taking responsibility for your self-talk is a powerful tool for creating a successful life.

Do you want to make a career out of painting? Paint every day. Create your sanctuary for your craft. Promote your art. Start talking about your passion as your profession, and start treating it as such.

When I decided I want to make a living out of writing, I started writing and publishing daily. I called myself a writer and introduced myself as such. I tricked my mind into believing I am already living in the new reality.

Start with changing your mindset, and then your actions will follow.

If you find it hard to believe that you can achieve your career goals or step into a harmonious and loving relationship, observe what thoughts you allow to play on repeat.

Instead of debilitating your mental strength, become your sexiest cheerleader.

‘I am enough’ should become more than just a #hashtag on social media, but your daily mantra to greet the day.

No contrary notion should ever get cosy in the depths of our psyche.

Once you establish yourself in that powerful, cosmic, undeniable self-belief, regardless of accomplishments and opinions of others, it is impossible to steer your life in the wrong direction.

The inner change is enough. You are enough.

Thank you for committing to yourself, — Kate