There Is Only One Thing You Need To Know About Twin Flames

Once I realized this, I suddenly understood everything

Meeting your twin flame is probably the most confusing and hardest period of your life. Everything you thought you knew about love, suddenly doesn’t make sense anymore. This person feels like the one you have been waiting for all your life, yet they also make it impossible to be together with you.

They probably entered your life when you least expected it, and most likely also when either of you wasn’t ready to commit.

And this is exactly the only thing you need to understand clearly about twin flame relationships:

Your real twin is the one who chooses you.

Read that again — your real twin flame is the one who chooses you.

Now think about it for a moment. Why would you want to wait for somebody who is not choosing you?

If somebody does not choose you -for whatever reason that may be- the only thing you can do is accept it. This is incredibly hard, especially when you are aware of the connection you two have together.

This connection is real. Don’t doubt it.

Some people really have the ability to connect with you on another level and meeting them is very rare. That is probably also the reason why you can’t let them go when they walk away from you.

Nobody in your life has ever made you feel so… whole.

And so empty as well.

The paradox of twin flames

Your twin flame is your ultimate mirror. They are a reflection for you as much as you are for them. But if one of you cannot handle that reflection, the connection is doomed to fail.

The whole reason why you meet a twin flame is because you need to grow. You need to find the lost parts of yourself. You need to find self-love.

You need to choose yourself.

As long as you don’t choose yourself, your twin flame won’t either. Because your twin flame is you. Actually, everybody is you.

It’s not easy to look in the mirror. Most likely, it’s the hardest thing about this whole journey. You crave your twin flame, because you haven’t found yourself yet.

It doesn’t matter whether you met a real or a false twin flame. I would actually suggest we cancel all the labels, and just call it a soul connection. It really does not matter whether they are karmic relationships, soul mates, false or real twins.

The only thing you need to understand is that somebody who doesn’t choose to be with you completely, is not your person.

They might not want to be with you to protect you. Or because they know they are not ready for you and will only hurt you more. Or because they don’t want to give up their old life. Or because they are afraid to face their traumas. Or maybe they only want to be with you on their terms and when they need you.

Whatever the reason is that one of you is running, does not really matter. The only thing you need to know is that somebody who is committed to you, will choose you too.

Understanding your lessons

I have a new understanding of twin flames now, and it might not be what you want to hear. We all dream of a happy ending with the love of our life, but maybe it can only be the love of your life because they are the ones that got away.

They showed you the power of love because they made you love yourself.

You learned to love them unconditionally because without them, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. They had the ability to wake you up from our matrix society, which was exactly what you needed the moment you met them.

But the fact that you woke up, doesn’t mean that they woke up as well. There is a reason why they don’t choose you, and it’s most likely not you — it’s them. Which, paradoxically, means it’s both of you.

If you have done the work and met (and healed) your shadows, the person you consider your twin flame can only choose to be with you, if they have done the same work.

But the sad truth is, that many don’t do the whole job. They might have started, and probably changed a bit as well (soul connections do change both of you). But they haven’t changed enough to want to be with you completely.

And sadly, there is nothing you can do about that.

Reunited, only to be separated again

I waited two years to be reunited with my twin flame. I went through a dark night of the soul, I met my demons and hugged my inner child. I understood perfectly well why I had met my twin flame.

He was my mirror at that moment.

He made me face my daddy issues. He made me shatter the image I had about myself. I had to build myself up from zero again after we broke up. He made me get to know the real me.

So when I reached out to him to reunite — I was ready. I was ready to open my heart and my soul to him and believed he had changed as much as I did.

And thank god, our reunion was magical. It was the most perfect night of my life, and nobody can take that away from me anymore. Everything I wished for, he gave me that night. He gave me his real soul and that soul stayed with me for almost 24 hours.

But when life continued again, his soul left with it. And this is the extremely painful reality of twin flame relationships — you get to meet their beautiful soul and then you have to let them go again.

Because your twin flame comes with more than just that beautiful soul. They come with their own demons and their own traumas and their own walls of protection.

My twin flame is not choosing me

It’s a sad reality to write it down here, but even after our magical reunion, my twin flame does not want to be with me fully. He wants to fit me into his schedule whenever he feels like it.

The runner/chaser roles have reversed in our connection now. I ran away from him two years ago because my intuition was screaming at me. But I’ve done the healing, learned to love myself, and came back to him.

I choose him because I choose myself.

But he is not ready. He can’t choose me, because he hasn’t found himself yet. How can I expect somebody to give me their soul, if they are looking for it themselves?

I know it’s there, and that is probably the saddest part about this whole story. I know his beautiful soul is inside of him, but as long as it’s hidden there, he won’t choose me.

And I can’t be with somebody who can’t give me their soul.

And this is really the only thing you need to know about twin flames — they need to choose you too.

Happy ending

Can twin flames have a happy ending after all? I think it depends on how you see it. I do believe that some twin flames are both really healing, and there is always the potential to come back together for good.

I know my twin flame is healing — he showed it to me and I saw it was real. But he has a long path ahead of him. When somebody has deep wounds, a deep journey is necessary as well.

My twin flame rejecting me, triggered all my insecurities again. It actually almost brought me into a state of hyperventilation.

And then I realized something incredibly important — this is not worth it.

No amount of connection is worth the intense suffering your twin flame inflicts on you. The fact that he made me feel that way in only one week of reconnecting, was the ultimate sign I needed to see to be able to let him go.

The funny thing is that it does feel like a happy ending to me now. I fully accept the fact that there is a reason he is not choosing me.

The Universe has both of our backs.

We are toxic to each other. A relationship should feel warm and safe, with a space where you can fully express yourself without having the fear of somebody running away from you at any moment.

Twin flames trigger each other’s deepest fears, and they might keep doing that forever. I am actually happy he is not choosing me, because I won’t choose somebody whom I don’t feel safe with.

Whether that is another lesson I still need to learn, or my intuition once again kicking in — I honestly don’t know. But I do know that my gut feeling is right: there is a reason why we need to be separated (again).

He told me he loves me unconditionally, and I believe him. I believe him because I feel the same, no matter if he chooses me or not.

Maybe that’s the real paradox of twin flames — once both of them choose themselves, they automatically choose each other.

And that I guess, is the happy ending for all the twin flames out there: They are choosing themselves.

I have started a new series on my Medium profile that will describe my twin flame journey from our first meeting to our reunion three years later. You can read part one here if you are interested.

If you like it, please support me by becoming a Medium Member for $5 per month and get unlimited access to all my twin flame articles. I also appreciate anybody who can buy me a coffee :) Thank you!