Can Twin Flame Relationships Be Toxic?

Your body will tell you the truth.

What are the signs of a toxic relationship? There are endless articles online about this subject, but when you are in one it can be very hard to determine. Can genuine love also be toxic? Can toxic love become better? It might, but it might not. One thing is sure: your body never lies.

If you are in a toxic relationship you might have doubts about the person you are dating. Are they manipulative? Do they really love you for who you are? Do they expect things of you that are questionable? Do you have the feeling they are lying to you? If you are really in love, these questions might be hard to answer.

Things feel off

In my case, I started to notice some things were ‘off’ in my relationship after about three months of dating. For example, when I had a different opinion about a certain subject, my boyfriend would talk into me until I changed my opinion into what he thought. Or he would make small comments about some of my friends that he didn’t like (most of those friends were the same ones that questioned our relationship by the way).

When I did something that he didn’t approve of, he would ‘punish’ me by not responding to my messages for a while. And then pretend nothing happened when he finally decided to respond. If I was really going to do the thing that he didn’t want me to do, he would threaten to break up with me because he didn’t want to have a girlfriend that didn’t respect his ‘values’.

I thought he was just concerned about my well-being and only wanted the best for me

Sometimes he would make comments about my body; saying it used to look so fit but nowadays he could notice some cellulite for example. He would always start his complaint with a compliment, and then quickly change the subject to what I could do better. At first, I thought he was just concerned about my well-being and only wanted the best for me.

I was so in love with him that I ignored all the red flags. I stopped talking to my friends about the things that could cause concern; I knew that they wouldn’t accept it and it would put him in a bad daylight. I just wanted our relationship to work out and slowly accepted more and more of his toxic behaviour.

Trusting your intuition? But how?

I couldn’t trust my intuition anymore. Every time I asked him about his behaviour, he would turn the conversation completely around. I started to think I was just paranoid and had trust issues, as he always implied. I had told him about my troublesome relationship with my father, and he would always use that against me whenever I spoke out my concern towards him. I started to believe him, because I did have a hard time trusting people and I did have ‘daddy issues’.

Slowly, my self-esteem started to spiral down. There was always something I could do better, or always things that I shouldn’t have done or said. And the more I kept ignoring the signs that our relationship was toxic, the more my body stepped in.

Dreams, visions and body issues

My dreams started to become more visual. I always dreamt about him trying to hurt or provoke me. I dreamt about animals in need and nobody helping them. I dreamt about feeling completely alone and lost. I dreamt about him with other people, laughing at me.

I just thought I was going through a spiritual detox

Whenever I used psychedelic drugs with him, his face would slowly turn into something evil. One time using mescaline, I even saw devil horns growing out of his skull! When we would both smoke weed, an intense fear for my life would kick in. And still, I didn’t want to see the truth. I just thought I was going through a spiritual detox and my mind was getting rid of painful thoughts about him.

Finally, my body started telling me something was wrong. My hair started to fall out, I lost weight, and my emotions felt numb. But the most concerning sign: I woke up with heart palpitations every morning around 5am.

Twin flame power

When I told him about this, he said he woke me up with our ‘twin flame’ connection every morning to say hi to me. He said that our energies were so in sync that I would subconsciously take over his pain and that would manifest in heart palpitations. And the most crazy thing: I believed him.

If you are familiar with twin flame love, you might understand how intense these type of emotions can be. You think you are meant to be for each other so you might have a much higher level of acceptance for toxic behaviour. But twin flame or not, your body will eventually tell you the truth.

I had completely lost track of myself

The heart palpitations started to get so intense that I was getting concerned about my health. At this stage we were together for about 9 months. I often thought I was getting a heart attack, but I thought as twin flames I was taking over his pain. He was about to get a divorce, so no wonder I could feel his worries!

But the health issues didn’t get better, they only got more and more severe. Until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My whole life was about him, I had completely lost track of myself. People told me the spark in my eyes faded and I never smiled anymore. They noticed I had lost weight and seemed worried about me.

When we finally broke up, my health started to improve. Even though my heart was shattered, the heart palpitations slowly disappeared and my hair started to grow again. My appetite came back and I could feel my emotions again (the good ones as well as the bad ones).

I learned to trust my body and my intuition. I went through a deep process to accept my toxic relationship and heal from it. And I am so grateful for my body stepping in to help me see the truth when my mind couldn’t see clearly anymore.

Do you recognise some signs too? You might want to read my article about how to heal from a narcissistic relationship:

Unconditional love

Our relationship only lasted less than a year, but now 15 months later I am still dealing with the damages done. My trust issues became even worse and I thought everybody was out to hurt me. But it also made me truly look at the reasons why I fell for somebody like him, and I learned that hating him wasn’t the answer either.

It might sound strange, but I do feel a sort of unconditional love for him now. Without him I would never be where I am now, and I am so much more in tune with myself. And maybe that is the whole purpose of every twin flame relationship: they are a catalyst for growth.

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