SELF-IMPROVEMENT

The Voice Told Me I’d Fail

Day 39, 50 questions for deep self-reflection

The inner saboteur may be many things but one thing it is not, is welcomed. Every time we stumble, every time we doubt, every time we wonder if we are truly deserving, the inner saboteur is there, ready to tear us down, telling us we are going to fail. Our own internal troll. But, what if we are looking at it all wrong? What if our inner saboteurs are just children with needs, and wants. What if we could reframe the inner saboteur and take ownership of our stumbles and our doubts before the poor inner saboteur gets stuck trying to deal with it, again? What if?

This is day 36 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.

DAY THIRTY-NINE: How can you take ownership for your inner saboteur?

Another Perfectly and Painfully Timed Question

Why is it that every single one of these challenges seems to be coming at the most perfectly painful time as if each question is written specifically for my experience of the day? I know that’s ridiculous, but once again, this question has made me pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head with how deeply and disturbingly perfect it is. This article is just one part of my life at the moment in which this question is so relevant.

How can I take ownership of my inner saboteur? Well, if that’s not a great question, I don’t know what it is. But I guess, in breaking down the question, it’s probably not as intense as I first envisaged (or maybe it’s more intense).

This question has made me pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head with how deeply and disturbingly perfect it is.

This question is not asking how I can stop my inner saboteur or how I can chain them, It’s asking me how I can take ownership of it. How can I own that part of me that is stopping me from achieving? How can I own that part of me that is stopping me from being everything I possibly can be?

My inner saboteur goes by many names:

• Imposter Syndrome
• Perfectionist
• People pleaser
• Entrepreneur
• Liar

I think that covers all of them — at least all the ones I can recognize right now. You may think it’s strange that I included entrepreneur, but trust me, the way my entrepreneurial experience has played out, it is definitely part of my inner saboteur. So, how do I take ownership? Well, I suppose that was the first step, wasn’t it? Outlining it. Naming it. Defining it.

Perception — I Deleted a Word

Ah, but now I read the question again and there is one word that is slightly different which changes it all. It’s so interesting how I’ll often read the question at first and delete or distort a component of it until I’m ready. I was reading this as, How can I take ownership of my inner saboteur, but the question reads, How can I take ownership for my inner saboteur? Well, that changes everything. One word can make such a difference. Now my perception of this question has shifted. It’s not about owning my inner saboteur and admitting to it, embracing it. Now, the question is about feeding the inner saboteur so that it is no longer hungry and can no longer sabotage.

One word can make such a difference.

My perception has now shifted from, how can I starve my inner saboteur to how can I feed it? So instead of trying to kill it, how can I give it what it needs so that it is happy and quiet? That’s a very different way of looking at it. And it may or may not be what this question intended, but for me, the perception of this question in that light feels so much calmer. I find it always feels so much better to fill something than to try to empty it. It is easier to add something than to take it away. Like if you accidentally added too much sugar to a recipe — it’s easier to adjust the recipe and add more of ALL the other ingredients than it is to remove the sugar.

How can I Add to my Inner Saboteur?

How can I take ownership of my experience to give my inner saboteur everything it needs so that it no longer requires my attention?

Isn’t that interesting? So, let’s re-define the question now.

How can I give my inner saboteur that which it needs to quieten its demands?

• By acknowledging that my inner saboteur evolved to keep me safe and to be grateful for that to acknowledge that.
• By acknowledging that my inner saboteur is a child and you can’t just tell it No, you need to fulfill its needs.
• By embracing my inner saboteur and telling it, they will be okay. Because it is just holding on to beliefs that I’m ready to let go of and in its connection to those beliefs, it is scared. Poor inner saboteur.
• By telling my inner saboteur that it’s going to be okay. It doesn’t have to be scared anymore. It doesn’t have to protect me.
• By allowing my inner saboteur to have a tantrum every once in a while but once it’s done, to laugh with it, give it a hug, and know that it’s just a moment. It is not the whole journey.

What names or titles can you give to your inner saboteur? Imposter syndrome? Liar? What does your inner saboteur want? What does it need? What if instead of ignoring it, trying to starve it, all you needed to do to quieten it was to acknowledge it, feed it, and let it know you are okay? Let it know, it’s okay? What if your inner saboteur just needed you to take ownership for it — to protect it the way it has always protected you? And what if that was the key to silencing your inner saboteur? Could you be friends with your inner saboteur? Would you be friends with it?

If you are interested in the journey so far — all the days that came before, I’ve collected all the article links here:

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