WRITING

I’ll Never Write This Book

How to avoid the NaNoWriMo writer’s slow November death

One-third of the way through the month. One-third of our way through NaNoWriMo. Therefore, our books should be one-third of the way through. 33.3%. 16,667 words. That’s where we should be. Where are you at? I’m not there. Why? Because life! Because life happens, and it’s not an excuse; it’s simply a fact. They say writers write. Well, I write. Every day. I am a writer. I’ve just had a lot of life this month.

**Note: I submitted this to a ‘large publication’ on the 10th but now that we are almost HALF way through NaNo, I pulled it and submitted it here instead. They were clearly a neurotypical publication — ICK!

Life is Beating Me

I love the story that I’m writing for NaNoWriMo. I love my characters. I love everything about the book. I love writing. I love letting my characters come through. I love exploring. I feel so good when I write. So why the hell aren’t I? That’s a great question. And it’s one I’ve been asking myself for the past week.

I love writing. So why the hell aren’t I?

A few days ago, I hit a state of extreme overwhelm. Not something new to me; in fact, I pretty much have a routine of hitting overwhelm every three to six months and it usually ends in a mental meltdown. I sob. I delete everything that doesn’t matter (some things that do). I burn everything to the ground. And I start again.

This time, I can’t. And for once, there is no external reason to blame. This time, it’s completely internal. I physically can’t. And so I am mentally attempting to rectify this physicality so that I can move through the emotions that are in the way. Normally, those emotions just become extreme and explode, then, they’re done. But after six weeks on hormone replacement therapy and taking testosterone, it seems my emotional capacity has increased but my processing plant has completely shut down. All the imports are coming in, but everyone’s on strike. But this article is not about that journey. You can read more about that one here:

NaNoWriMo’ing While Life-ing

So, how does this relate to writing? Well, the advice I often give to people that are in writer’s block (and I do not claim to be in that space right now, but can see how it could be referred to that way) is to get out of the way and let your characters come through. That’s all fine and usually, quite an easy thing to do (for me), but when life happens and your brain is compacted with too many thoughts or feelings that it cannot process and push out, the characters kind of, stop. They stand back and say, “Man, you need to get your crap together first before you can deal with mine.” And understandably.

“Man, you need to get your crap together first before you can deal with mine.”

Actually, I didn’t realize until I just said it right then that’s exactly what’s going on. My characters are watching me from a distance thinking, “You got some stuff going on over there, and you need to deal with it. Until then, we’re just going to stand over here and wait.” Well, that’s not helpful. But what it does tell me is that until I stop and take a moment to focus on myself, I’m just going to be banging my head against the wall.

The NaNoWriMo Battle of the Brain

Is this what so many people ‘fail’ NaNoWriMo? Is this why I failed so many times until just a few years ago? Is this what it’s really all about? Is it that in the need and desire and, let’s face it, expectation, to achieve the thing we set out to achieve, 50,000 words in a month (which mind you, I’ve done so many times that I know it’s not a difficult task for me), that instead of stepping back and dealing with the things that are stopping us from getting it done, we just keep pushing and expecting ourselves to magically be able to get it done? To do the work. Write the words. But how can we if our headspace is dedicated to something else?

My NaNoWriMo Project on a Slippery Slope

So right now, my NaNoWriMo project is slipping away. But it’s not out of reach, yet. It’s not so far gone that I can’t save it. In fact, I know that with one day of solid work, I’d be back in front. After ten days, instead of being at that on-track target of 16,667 words, I’m at 7216 words. I’ve had more than one day where I’ve written enough words to prove to myself that I can bridge that gap today. But I’m not going to. Instead, today, despite other things that I need to attend to, I’m going to give focus to myself. I’m going to work out what is going on and what I need and give that to myself. And then, once I’ve claimed that, my characters will come back through and my story will flow again.

Today, I’m going to give focus to myself.

I need to stop trying to force it. I need to let my story flow through again, and the only way to do that is to let myself come through first. Only through letting myself come through, can my characters follow.

Now, that’s a good insight! So I guess I’ll go do that.

I was so ready for this NaNoWriMo. I even completed 31 days of Preptober challenges. I’ve done too much work already to not give myself the gift of a day to contemplate.

NaNoWriMo is a challenge. It’s a challenge for all of us whether we’ve done it before or not. I’ve completed/’won’ NaNoWriMo twice and one of those times, I won in less than two weeks. And yet, this time, I was letting it beat me until I realized that, no, I’m just beating myself. So, time to step back. Look after me first. Let myself flow and then turn back to my characters.

How about you? How’s your NaNoWriMo project going? Are you stuck? And if so, maybe, just maybe, you need to give yourself a little bit of a break from being so hard on yourself. Step back. Have a look at why you’re struggling because the struggle itself tells you less than the why. If we don’t know the mentality that is allowing us to struggle, we can’t change it. Let yourself flow through before you even attempt to let your story and characters do the same. Good luck. You’ve got this!

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