The REAL reason women don’t like nice guys (what they don’t tell you)
Many people have heard the trope that “nice guys finish last” and all of that stuff. This is nothing new. And to a degree, there have been some decent explanations of why some nice guys get overlooked, often the reason given from women being that those guys aren’t genuinely nice, but are only nice in the hope of getting something from them, typically sex.
That kind of explanation was given in the following article, compliments of Ronke Babajide.
I suppose there is something to that, but I don’t think that’s the full picture. And the full picture may be a tough pill to swallow, especially since it goes against what people have been trained to believe about women in general. I was inspired to write this article based on the following YouTube video, where the way a guy explained it sort of helped a lightbulb to go off in my own head to a degree. This is the video:
So the dude started out saying that if a man is seeing a woman and she has an ex that she dumped, he more than likely doesn’t have to worry about that guy. She moved on to find something better, which might be him. However, he said that if it was the woman who got dumped by an ex, that’s the guy he needs to watch out for. Because even if things are going well between him and her, if the guy who dumped her decides to come back into the picture, she might well decide to go back with him!
The reason why that is, according to the man in the video, is that the guy who dumped her actually showed that he has higher value in relation to her by being willing to let her go and communicated the message that she was not on HIS level. The man went on to say that the truth about female attraction and hypergamy (as many of you have probably heard about), is that women tend to like to “date up” or date men who they perceive as having high value, however, that doesn’t necessarily mean based on money and things of that nature (more on that later).
He showed a clip of a woman basically saying that she would rather be with him who dates her badly that to be with you who treats her well. This may cause some of you to scratch your heads, but he was basically explaining that women’s attraction to a man isn’t based on how well he treats her, it’s based on how much value she perceives him to have. This is some tough stuff, fellas, but there may indeed be something to it. He then showed a clip of another woman where she was interviewed on the street by a guy asking what it would take to attract her and her answer was not to show her any interest. Then he said something like she must like toxic guys and she agreed.
Now, don’t get it twisted. Obviously, for men and women to link up, a man likely has to show some kind of interest. However, what he explained in the video is that sometimes the guy who doesn’t show too much interest in a woman tends to get more attention than a guy who is showing too much interest. And so if a guy is being too nice to a woman, simping over her, fawning over her every word, etc., she may subconsciously wonder what’s wrong with him, why he’s spending so much energy on her, why he’s giving her so much attention, and if he doesn’t have any other options or people who are interested. And so any show of neediness that seems to demonstrate that a man is low value, regardless of how nice or good he may be, may cause a woman not to be attracted to him.
But, as usual, it’s about balance. Women also like consistency, so if a man is really interested in a woman, he can show that interest, just not in a desperate or overly invested way, especially if she hasn’t even done anything to earn it. The balance would be for a man to show interest, but to have more of a nonchalant “take it or leave it” kind of vibe to where it doesn’t seem like she is his whole world, especially if she hasn’t done anything for that type of treatment. Now if he gets to know her and she really proves to be a good woman, then he still shouldn’t be desperate or needy, but he can show that he values and appreciates her a little more.
Another dude on YouTube, a strong man known as Casey Zanders, goes into these type of things in his videos as well. He basically makes it seem as though as soon as a man starts falling head over heels for a woman and being TOO into her, she may begin to lose attraction for him. This next point can’t be overstated, fellas. A woman would rather be treated bad by a guy who she perceives as high value, then to be treated good by a guy who she perceives as low value. Of course, as with anything, there may be exceptions and, ideally, a woman would probably just wants to be with a high value man who also treats her well, but if given the choice between the two extremes mentioned above, many women will probably go for a so-called high value man who treats them badly or doesn’t seem to be that into them, then a guy who seems low value, though he would be willing to give them the world.
And so this helps explain a little more about the nice guy/bad boy dichotomy. It may not necessarily be that she goes for the bad boy because he treats her badly in itself, but it may be that, fortunately or unfortunately, the bad boy is more popular, the bad boy is more attractive, and perhaps above all, the bad boy simply doesn’t give a shit. He’s the kind of guy who lives life largely by his own rules, has his own determination and values, and instead of trying to kiss a woman’s ass all day, he might actually be the one VETTING THEM to see if they are worth his time and to see if they are even worth a damn.
Meanwhile, the unpopular kid who was too nice, didn’t set boundaries, let people talk to him any kind of way, and gives a woman all of his attention, even if she literally turns up her nose at him and looks at him like he ain’t shit, may be perceived as low value and, hence, unattractive to a woman, even if he could be the greatest person in the world. I was that kid.
Anyway, it’s not about popularity, so don’t get it twisted or focus too much on that if you’re not a popular person. That’s not the point. Just as having a lot of money isn’t the point and in itself isn’t what makes a man “high value.” It’s more or less based on a man’s self respect, how much he values himself, how he feels about himself, how he doesn’t tolerate a lot of bullshit, how he handles his business, etc. etc.
After all, I wrote another article about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.
By all superficial standards, Will Smith would be considered a high value man. He’s tall, apparently good looking (for those who judge men 🙂), has a lot of money, is famous, and was well-liked in Hollywood (at least until the infamous slap), yet some people feel that he has STILL been publicly disrespected by Jada in a lot of ways. So it’s not about the money.
Speaking of which, that idea, “it’s not about the money”, was espoused by another high-value iconic villain known as The Joker. Interestingly, enough, I thought about him when I mentioned that being high value is not about being popular, because at least in the movie The Dark Knight, he was more like a lone anarchist. But people like the character of The Joker. And in that movie, he said it’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message, everything burns.
Yes, he’s a fictional character, and I wouldn’t recommend a person to try to be exactly like him because, unlike a fictional character, they would have to deal with the real world consequences. However, having the mentality of not being too caught up in the world’s superficial value system can be a benefit.
Anyway, back on topic. It seems that some women liked the bad boys because for one thing, they simply didn’t give a shit. Newsflash fellas: just because a woman has a pretty face and a pair of tits doesn’t mean that she’s worth a damn, nor does it mean that she’s worthy of anybody kissing the ground that she walks on either.
^^^ he like “please baby, please looove me” lmao!
The problem is, some men haven’t been around attractive women enough to know that, again, newsflash, they’re human. And some of them can be just as fucked up (if not more) than anybody else. And if you were to actually start judging women and treating them based on their character and how they act, as opposed to sucking up to them just because you want to get some, you might realize that a lot of them aren’t that great, and they might even respect you more for it. That may even go along with what they mean when they say to treat them as humans, meaning to reasonably hold them accountable for their actions and behavior, not simpin and kissing their butts just because you want some.
Look, I get it. A lot of you guys probably just want casual relationships and don’t feel that a woman needs to be a particularly great person just to have a sexual relationship with. Though there is indeed logic in that, fortunately or unfortunately, it seems that it will STILL take having a certain type of… demeanor in order for you to show being high-value enough to attract the women, even if only for casual relationships.
In conclusion, a lot of men (particularly those men brought up in the nice guy paradigm), have been trained to believe that women simply want a guy who is nice to them, who will treat them well, who will treat them like a queen, and all of that junk. And though there may be some truth in it, there are a lot of nuances that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, which is why a lot of nice guys, even genuinely nice guys, end up in women’s friend zones. Yes, women like to be treated well, BUT… when it comes to attraction, it often only “works” when it’s done by the guys who they perceive as being high value enough and who they respect.
Attraction is a funny thing. Fortunately or unfortunately, it isn’t about how great of a person you are, and that goes for both men and women. Because let’s keep it real, a woman can be the nicest person in the world, but if a guy doesn’t find her physically attractive (to HIM), he may simply be friends with her at best. And so it can be for women. Although some women may not be as strict on looks, what they are attracted to is not so much about the goodness of a man’s heart, but how much value is attributed to a man, which may largely be determined by how much a man values himself, communicated by him not tolerating bullshit, begging for a woman’s validation, or kissing anybody’s ass just because they are “hot.”
Share your thoughts and feel free to share this article to those that you think it might help as well. And, as usual, thank you for any comments, claps, and support.
